Snarkastic

Laff Riot 10: The Musical

At. Last.

I know, I know:
nicodemus055 (12:54:45): I must have snarkses.
Nastinchka (12:54:50): I?M NICK. I?M SEVEN.
[later]
nicodemus055 (13:08:21): Ping?
Nastinchka (13:08:26): Ping.
nicodemus055 (13:08:34): Why has it not fed me snarkses?

LiviaHarlowe (23:03:04): have i told you about my demented dream where fran and rosey were giant metal robots who had a battle royale over who got to play me in my biopic? hahahaha
Nastinchka (23:04:18): ..............
LiviaHarlowe (23:07:39): fran won but only because she ripped off roseannes legs and she fell into this ditch

Nastinchka (21:02:27): That's. Disgusting.
Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (21:02:27): iiiii'mmm so hott and sooapy...(hot and soapy hot and soapy)
Nastinchka (21:02:36): I hope to God you're in the shower.
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:02:51): not anymore
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:02:54): :-D
Nastinchka (21:03:08): Ok, you asked for it....
Nastinchka (21:03:20): (....shaZAM).
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:03:37): oddly enough, nothing...
Nastinchka (21:03:49): Ruh-roh. I need a new weapon.
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:04:47): hehehe
Nastinchka (21:04:57): *plots*
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:05:18): excuse me, that came out wrong... i meant MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Nastinchka (21:05:29): Oh, you are SO getting it.
Nastinchka (21:05:33): And not in a Good Way.
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:17:40): i hear gunshots outside

LiviaHarlowe: and go see the village
jangel139: OH WHOA.
jangel139: and saw it already
LiviaHarlowe: with an open mind and closed thighs.
LiviaHarlowe: iknow how the progeny of ron howard might affect you.

Googlewarring:
ImYourBasicHero (18:48:36): this has predicted that danny will come out on top this year, killing chip and takin the room as his own
Nastinchka (18:49:11): Awesome.
Nastinchka (18:49:21): We're totally using this for all important life decisions from now on.
ImYourBasicHero (18:49:54): lol, i agree... an excelent idea
ImYourBasicHero (18:51:14): wow... surprisingly, you come out on top in a battle against a machine gun... apparently you are secretly supergirl

First day in Malta:
nick says:How was your day?
Holly says:Okay, I actually got to go to a class.
Holly says:Literally, A class. My first one was postponed till next week.
nick says:Why?
Holly says:THey can't find a room to have it in.
Holly says:I'm not kidding.
nick says:Lol
nick says:The things you take for granted...

Right after Kiss Me, Kate:
LiviaHarlowe (23:08:04): hott
LiviaHarlowe (23:09:49): it's too darn hot
LiviaHarlowe (23:09:54): (toooo darrrrrrrn hot)
Nastinchka (23:18:44): flap toe heel step suck suck

After being menaced at A Bar:
Nastinchka (00:31:12): Keiran and Matt had to beat them off.
Nastinchka (00:31:20): Or, well, glare them off.
ShiftyEyedGuy (00:31:21): that sounds dirty
Nastinchka (00:31:31): You look dirty.

Right after that woman was arrested for stalking Elijah Wood:
Nastinchka (14:08:29): You know, it occurs to me, as I speak to Joan on the phone, that I haven't physically laid eyes on her in about a week.
Nastinchka (14:08:45): She admits nothing.
De Armac (14:09:06): and the phone has that mysterious 'in the czech republic' sound
Nastinchka (14:09:49): I did wonder why she called collect.

Again:
nicodemus055 (13:16:23): It's 1:16. Do you know where Joan is?

Again:
jangel139: oh ROO. Elijah Wood Stalker Arrested. Funny, have you seen Joan lately ...?

LiviaHarlowe (02:10:25): We made her. The student has become the master.
Nastinchka (02:10:55): The student has become the irritant.

Nastinchka (02:18:33): I'm so exhilarated I misspelled exhilarated.
ShiftyEyedGuy (02:18:37): that's... comforting in a way

Judieyy: wow...everyone's in here
Judieyy: well...not EVERYONE.
Judieyy: but everyone.

Nastinchka: You do realize we just lost beginner spades to a robot.
nicodemus055: and some girl

LiviaHarlowe (16:32:21): listen to this!!!! ***********(4:26:57 PM): yeah this is so pitiful but i saw his jacket and smelled it and fell to my knees and just started crying it was awful
LiviaHarlowe (16:32:36): i can hear the noise you just made from here.
Nastinchka (16:33:01): Sorry, that was the thud of me simultaneously hitting the floor and vomiting.
LiviaHarlowe (16:33:24): Duh. I know all your sounds by know. GOD, it's like we've been married for 50 years
Nastinchka (16:33:38): Yes. Yes, it is.
Nastinchka (16:33:23): So she doesn't, in fact, miss the Scarecrow most of all?

ShiftyEyedGuy (23:51:03): and i've decided i need some people to model. i'm not sure yet what i want to do, but i need some people. i'm trying to think of people who would do it
Nastinchka (23:52:15): Wait till the first ACT meeting, mention that, and you'll have them around the block. Bless our little whorish babies.
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:52:41): good idea. bless them indeed
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:52:45): :-D
Nastinchka (23:52:52): Bless ALL OVER them.
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:52:56): lol
Nastinchka (23:52:59): Oh, man, that was WRONG.
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:53:08): a little bit

jesse says:cool. I feel like there's gonna be Holly's Page - The Deleted Scenes pretty soon

nicodemus055 (12:02:49): They took away all the garbage cans on the Boston streets.
nicodemus055 (12:02:56): Possible bomb hiding places, so they say.
nicodemus055 (12:03:11): People have been pitching their garbage into the empty metal can frames.
Nastinchka (12:03:41): Ok,. the column I have that says "proof I worship a benevolent god"? That's going in the other one.

LiviaHarlowe (15:03:22): Ein Fisch, zwei fischen, rote Fische, blaue Fische. Dieses hat einen kleinen Hut. Dieses hat eine kleine Katze. PONYBOY.
Nastinchka (15:03:39): CAN"T
Nastinchka (15:03:41): BREATHE
Nastinchka (15:04:18): There needs to be a button that's the oposite of warning, because I really think that's the single funniest thing you've EVer Said, and that's saying A Lot.

Nastinchka (02:08:03): Sing it with me: Deny, deny, deny.
ShiftyEyedGuy (02:08:20): deny, deny, deny

jangel139 (13:34:38): However, I've been freaking Nick out by being just like you, him, and Joan for the past hour.
Nastinchka (13:34:47): I wouldn't lump him in with us.
jangel139 (13:34:53): No, no, separately.
Nastinchka (13:35:03): Of course, under the right circumstances I wouldn't lump Joan in with nick and I...
Nastinchka (13:35:05): Kay.
jangel139 (13:35:50): He's gotten really upset.
jangel139 (13:35:54): nicodemus055 (1:23:54 PM): You are NOT ME.
Nastinchka (13:36:13): Ok, I'm recusing myself from this conversation.

Maltese internet woes:
Guyfun420: damn MOL
Nastinchka: ja
Guyfun420: what happened, did the goat stop chasing the carrot?
Nastinchka: pretty much

nicodemus055 (18:31:15): Judge strikes down Gov. Bush's brain-dead woman law
nicodemus055 (18:31:44): I read that with woman and brain-dead both modifying law.

LiviaHarlowe (14:51:11): somebody pushed danny's crazy button
Nastinchka (14:51:27): They're ALL crazy buttons.

Nastinchka (15:03:41): Would it be ill-advised to repair a shredded cable sheath with Krazy Glue? Will it heat up?
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:03): i would suggest electrical tape
Nastinchka (15:04:21): I tried that first. DIdn''t work.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:26): hmmm
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:30): got me
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:39): give it a shot
Nastinchka (15:04:50): Well, it's too late, as I've already done it, I'm jsut wondering if I should be worried. O:-)
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:58): if you don't show up tonight, i'll assume it was the fumes

Auto response from jangel139 (19:24:18): Well, if your mother said she was going to buy you diamonds if you GET IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW, what would YOU do? .... That's right.

Auto response from Nastinchka (02:41:09): Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base
Are belong to you.

Worst Typo Ever:
Nastinchka (15:28:51): the laptop poewr cabel
Nastinchka (15:28:55): GOD
nicodemus055 (15:28:57): EEK

LiviaHarlowe (19:20:10): I think I need to see it again, and without drinking three margaritas beforehand so this time I don't shriek "MONSTER BEHIND YOU HE BEHIND YOU RUN BITCH" at a crucial point in the film.
LiviaHarlowe (19:20:28): No joke.

Allais500 (14:11:08): I've been told I watched Starsky and Hutch last night, but I don't remember much because of the drunk...did I like it?
Nastinchka (14:11:30): .....you know I wasn't there, right?

It's not:
Nastinchka (18:54:28): So my parents came home from south Carolina
Nastinchka (18:54:33): And they were all 'look at our pictures'
Nastinchka (18:54:40): And 'we brought you shells"
Nastinchka (18:54:54): And as I was playing with my shells, they started showing me pictures of this big-ass marble room, and I was all "The hell?"
Nastinchka (18:55:15): And they were all "We're glad you like your shells. Oh, and that's the lobby of the building WHERE WE JUST BOUGHT A CONDO."
jangel139 (18:55:55): oh holy shit
Nastinchka (18:55:59): 16th floor, ON THE BEACH.
jangel139 (18:56:09): Wow.
Nastinchka (18:56:09): it's GORGEOUS.
jangel139 (18:56:23): My dad randomly bought a bag of mango chips the other day
jangel139 (18:56:26): but I don't think it's the same thing.

Auto response from Nastinchka (13:16:17): The call is coming from inside the house!
Auto response from AIMLESSMAC (14:12:39): "I'll wear your face!"
Nastinchka (14:12:57): Well, that answers THAT question.

nicodemus055 (14:05:56): My mind is on hypertwirly.
Nastinchka (14:06:04): It shows.
nicodemus055 (14:06:45): It gets cranky and silly when it needs a nap.

Moving Day:
Nastinchka (19:24:45): Isaac could prolly carry our tv by himself, with Jay on his back giving commands.
LiviaHarlowe (19:24:54): YES
LiviaHarlowe (19:24:58): ike can carry my b ed
Nastinchka (19:25:06): I think we should buy Jay a sedan chair.
LiviaHarlowe (19:25:45): i think we should poke around in his nervous system until we hit the spot that makes you stutter, then call him "uncle clau clau" just like in i claudius.

rhysfeezled (01:02:34): hand me my sheet music...
rhysfeezled (01:02:34): its the one that says "bad mother cameo"

jangel139 (6:31:21 PM): You're very pretty.
Theaterbop (6:31:31 PM): aw shucks
jangel139 (18:31:30): It wasn't a compliment.

Nastinchka (15:26:07): ROO
KeiranOHara (15:26:13): tbeer

Duck and cover, Caesar:
Nastinchka (15:22:19): So Joan just called me.
Nastinchka (15:22:24): From the Dixie Stampede.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:22:32): lol
Nastinchka (15:22:35): Apparently they have buffaloes there; did you know?
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:22:52): no
Nastinchka (15:23:01): Me neither.

jangel139 (16:14:36): Okay, is Joseph Conrad the one you warned me about?
Nastinchka (16:15:21): yesh.
jangel139 (16:15:45): I understand.
jangel139 (16:15:47): I am horrified.
Nastinchka (16:15:55): Yeah.
jangel139 (16:16:08): It's actually painful.
jangel139 (16:16:16): I didn't know a book could cause internal bleeding.

Moving Day again:
LiviaHarlowe (14:32:14): get stewart to move your desk.
Nastinchka (14:32:16): Awesome.
LiviaHarlowe (14:32:19): he'll likely owe us one anyway
Nastinchka (14:32:21): I wish I could move my stuff to your hosue.
Nastinchka (14:32:33): By then? Yeah, he'll certainly have racked somehting up.
LiviaHarlowe (14:32:38): make him carry it on his back and juggle things while wearing one of those little grinder monkey hats
LiviaHarlowe (14:32:59): i'll provide the music if you'll provide the juggling items.
Nastinchka (14:33:06): Awesome.
Nastinchka (14:33:11): Are small animals aiight?
Nastinchka (14:33:22): I'm SO GLAD we don't have to do the teevee.
LiviaHarlowe (14:33:25): Only if alive and conscious.

Moving Day Again, again:
ImYourBasicHero (14:33:28): got movin van
Nastinchka (14:33:30): ?
Nastinchka (14:33:31): :-)
ImYourBasicHero (14:33:41): so close i can taste it
Nastinchka (14:33:45): Ew.
Nastinchka (14:33:54): It tastes like concrete and prerequisites.

Nastinchka (01:11:41): OOOH. Televised dodgeball!!
Nastinchka (01:12:07): *rolls over on back, kicks air, turns off brain*
Nastinchka (01:12:16): *like a baby batting at a mobile*

nicodemus055 (14:42:04): When I minimize you it shows your buddy icon in my dock.
Nastinchka (14:42:13): Cool!
Nastinchka (14:42:23): *minimizing joke*
nicodemus055 (14:43:09): Witty response about how it can't be done*
Nastinchka (14:43:36): *discarding of barb and gleaning of hidden compliment to my rack*
nicodemus055 (14:45:47): * explaining in very small terms that it's not the size of your rack so much as your worth as a person that I was belittling *
Nastinchka (14:46:30): *explaining in overly elaborate terms, with visual aids, that I cast away the barb and kept the compliment, as is my wont as A Girl*
Nastinchka (14:46:55): Nastinchka (14:43:36): *discarding of barb and gleaning of hidden compliment to my rack*
nicodemus055 (14:48:28): *giving up, as arguing with a female is as pointless as the original barb*
Nastinchka (14:48:41): :-(
Nastinchka (14:49:00): *turns the whole affair into a rock opera anyway*
Nastinchka (14:49:10): *on ice*
Nastinchka (14:49:15): *avec Penguins*
nicodemus055 (14:49:17): *with puppets*
nicodemus055 (14:49:19): Or that
Nastinchka (14:49:20): Or that.
Nastinchka (14:49:25): AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

LiviaHarlowe (19:25:12): "Seth Green Caught in Near-Fatal Incident on Movie Set"?!?!?!?!?!? FIRST JOHN RITTER AND NOW THIS. PENNYWISE IS MAKING HIS WAY THROUGH THE CAST OF IT.
Nastinchka (19:25:21): I KNOW!!!
Nastinchka (19:25:23): I SAW!!
Nastinchka (19:25:27): It was a whirlpool
Nastinchka (19:25:31): DID WE CALL THIS OR WHAT??
Nastinchka (19:25:39): WE SAID IT WAS GONNA BE HIM
LiviaHarlowe (19:25:47): "He jumped into a tide pool that he couldn't get out of and almost got sucked under a rock...[by a fucking CLOWN ARM]"
LiviaHarlowe (19:27:09): Why couldn't it have been Annette O'Toole? You know how Pennywise is going to get her. She and Michael McKean are going to be innocently writing a song together about rainbows or puppies or rainbow-colored puppies and he's just going to turn into the fucking clown and eat her face off.
Nastinchka (19:28:08): We have to warn her. Get your coat.
LiviaHarlowe (19:28:29): WARN her? We should try to get the film rights.
LiviaHarlowe (19:29:06): "Annette O'Toole perishes in bloodbath: Masses question, 'Who? No, wait...Peter's wife? Oh, his daughter. Right."

Joining the race for Best Snark Ever:
Nastinchka (15:10:53): so i may or may no hae just glues my left hand to my laptop
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:10:58): lol
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:01): LOL
Nastinchka (15:11:01): hence the lack of shift keys and punctuation
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:11): AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Nastinchka (15:11:13): NOT FUNNNNU\Y
Nastinchka (15:11:18): (funny)
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:26): yeah, it really is
Nastinchka (15:11:29): :-(
Nastinchka (15:11:32): OW
Nastinchka (15:11:38): HEZLZP
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:42): did you get it off?
Nastinchka (15:11:44): NO
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:55): use nail polish remover
Nastinchka (15:12:01): BUT I FOUND THE CAPS LOCK
Nastinchka (15:12:22): OWOWOWOOWOWOW
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:13:10): NAIL POLISH REMOVER
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:13:14): GO
Nastinchka (15:13:30): I WILL HAVE TO CARRY THE LAPTOP
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:13:38): and...?
Nastinchka (15:13:43): AND WORK A COTTON BALL AND A SCREW OFF LID WITH ONE HAND
Nastinchka (15:13:52): UT'S BEST AND BRIGHTEST
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:14:03): well, what are you waiting for
Nastinchka (15:14:04): THIS WILL BE A MERRY JAUNT
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:14:12): it's that or stay glued
Nastinchka (15:14:22): YES, IT IS.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:15:21): at least it's not a table:-D<----add horns
Auto response from Nastinchka (15:15:21): ;kjkh;ioiupuohj;'lkcaryinglaptop to bathroom clost don't ask pls advise
Nastinchka (15:20:20): GOD.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:20:49): how 'boucha?
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:20:56): is it off?
Nastinchka (15:21:00): Yes.
Nastinchka (15:21:04): Along with some skin.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:21:23): yeah, i thought it best not to tell you that part
Nastinchka (15:21:54): The nail polish remover dinna work. I had to rip.
Nastinchka (15:22:01): OW.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:22:02): ahhhh
Nastinchka (15:22:13): aaaand....scene.

De Armac (14:19:59): i hope catwoman is out on video in time for Christmas so we can watch it together.
De Armac (14:20:15): along with the showgirls VIP edition.
Nastinchka (14:20:21): YES.
Nastinchka (14:20:45): I can see them rushing it to video, and I can see thm putting it off in the hopes that the public forgets how Horrid it was.
De Armac (14:21:51): maybe they should go the showgirls route and embrace it's horridness.
Nastinchka (14:22:31): And put out a VIP (Very Important Pussy) edition. (Come to think of it, why didn't they use that for the Showgirls DVD?)
De Armac (14:23:40): oh, i'm sure they did, they just did advertise it.
De Armac (14:25:42): the best is how halle berry was all "oh, i felt so empowered and it helped me get over the breakup of my marriage"
Nastinchka (14:25:53): Didn't the Showirls one come with a blindfold? The Catwoman one should come with earplugs, the better to appreciate Halle's abs and ignore the script.
Nastinchka (14:26:08): That's movie-speak for "Sharon Stone and I fucked like rabid bunnies."
De Armac (14:28:50): well, sharon is certainly rabid.
Nastinchka (14:30:55): I'll drink to that. (And so will she.)
De Armac (14:31:38): she can't drink because of the brain hemorrage.
Nastinchka (14:31:50): I meant blood.
De Armac (14:32:17): oh, of course.

nicodemus055 (12:27:21): Did you know that they only retire the names of the really big hurricanes?
nicodemus055 (12:28:16): You can talk about Andrew and everyone knows what you mean, but Marco could have destroyed both your house and the house of a poor Puerto Rican family.
Nastinchka (12:28:36): I was not aware of this.
nicodemus055 (12:28:43): I wonder how you feel to have your life crushed by a hurricane that's not even big enough to have its name retired.
nicodemus055 (12:29:36): I imagine its much the same as being in the Pentagon on 9/11, or a citizen of Nagasaki in '45.
Nastinchka (12:29:43): I was about to say.
Nastinchka (12:29:50): In regards to the Pentagon.
nicodemus055 (12:30:02): Maybe it's much like having your career crushed by a movie no one will ever see.
Nastinchka (12:30:19): *glances about derisively for Halle Berry*
nicodemus055 (12:30:30): Fucking that Catwoman fuck.
Nastinchka (12:30:38): ...was that an active verb?
nicodemus055 (12:30:38): Er, with out the ing.
nicodemus055 (12:30:49): Fuck that fucking Catwoman fuck.
Nastinchka (12:30:56): Or fuck that Catwoman flick.
nicodemus055 (12:31:22): Halle Berry fucking Catwoman would be all over the internet in 13 minutes.
nicodemus055 (12:32:11): I've NEVER liked her.

Hurricane Snarks:
nicodemus055 (12:17:34): Safety tips from CNN.com:
nicodemus055 (12:17:39): Put aside money.
nicodemus055 (12:18:05): You'll need it to rebuild your crushed hopes and dreams after water washes away your home and loved ones.
nicodemus055 (12:18:12): Clean up the yard.
Nastinchka (12:18:21): Where everything you love will have died.
nicodemus055 (12:18:23): It may be your last chance to mow.
Nastinchka (12:18:32): so don't cut those corners.
nicodemus055 (12:18:33): Clear dead trees.
Nastinchka (12:18:40): To make room for new dead trees.
Nastinchka (12:18:51): And dead pets.
nicodemus055 (12:19:15): Note, don't clear trees once the storm has reached your home, it may be hazardous to your health.
nicodemus055 (12:22:31): "Have multiple escape routes and know the proper government evacuation route. Make sure you car's fuel tank is filled and your mobile phone is charged."
nicodemus055 (12:22:58): Not that your cell phone will be relevant once all of the towers for a hundred miles are torn from teh ground.
Nastinchka (12:23:21): But it makes you look cool.
Nastinchka (12:23:42): Roll up your t-shirt sleeves and smoke while frantically speed-dialing elderly relatives.
nicodemus055 (12:24:25): Man, not even your satellite phone will matter. As we all know, hurricanes are concurrent with meteor storms, fires, volcanic eruptions, and timber wolves. All of the satellites in orbit will be struck by space rocks and plummet into your house.
Nastinchka (12:24:46): Which will already be on fire.
nicodemus055 (12:25:01): Move to safe shelters. Low-lying areas and mobile homes should be evacuated.
nicodemus055 (12:25:14): Unless you're poor, in which case you can die like the dogs you are.
Nastinchka (12:25:24): What about low-lying mobile homes...oh, wait.
nicodemus055 (12:25:45): ecure your home by boarding over windows or putting up hurricane shutters. If you use boards, purchase precut one-half-inch outdoor plywood boards for each window of your home. Install anchors for the plywood and drill holes in the plywood ahead of time, so it can be installed quickly.
nicodemus055 (12:26:11): When not in use the holes will provide a safe and comfortable home for hornets and wasps.

Hurricane Snarks again:
nicodemus055 (12:13:46): CNN: "Forecasters say any motion to the left could bring the center of Alex over the Outer Banks."
nicodemus055 (12:13:50): To the LEFT?
nicodemus055 (12:13:51): HAHAHAHA
Nastinchka (12:13:58): I saw.
Nastinchka (12:14:08): Thanks, forecasters.
Nastinchka (12:14:18): Note they didn't say meteorologists.
Nastinchka (12:14:34): They just asked some hobos to poke a weather map with a stick.
nicodemus055 (12:15:06): What's a meterolo... meateo.... Yeah. That guy with the clouds and the cheap suit.
Nastinchka (12:15:28): .........
nicodemus055 (12:15:43): I'll be careful not to lean to my left. I wouldn't want to cause a hurricane.
nicodemus055 (12:15:57): Butterfly effect.
nicodemus055 (12:16:06): (I am now frantically flapping my arms)
Nastinchka (12:16:23): God.
nicodemus055 (12:16:29): If you don't move to the left the hurricane can't see you.
Nastinchka (12:16:43): *fetches popcorn*
nicodemus055 (12:16:56): I'm done.
nicodemus055 (12:16:59): Honest.
Nastinchka (12:17:00): :-(
Nastinchka (12:17:04): *stomp*
Nastinchka (12:17:22): *hair twist*

I cannot kill this joke.

Posted by Nastinchka at August 30, 2004 04:02 PM