Snarkastic

Laff Riot 15: Laff in the Time of Cholera

Monday got away from me, somehow.

Rejoice, ye multitudes, for man ALIVE did we ever land some screamers:

Once Upon A Time.....later:
Nastinchka (00:31:11): Y'all got drama?
Allais500 (00:31:14): Never.
Nastinchka (00:31:20): *sad smirk*
Allais500 (00:31:26): I haven never been involved in drama in all of my life, H____ A_______.
Nastinchka (00:31:34): Me neither, C___ C__.
Nastinchka (00:31:42): Now we're both ID'd. FUck.
Allais500 (00:31:44): I do not even know the meaning of the word.
Allais500 (00:31:47): Shit.
Nastinchka (00:31:49): Hello, Echelon.
Allais500 (00:31:55): Erase! Abort!
Allais500 (00:32:22): Everything is drama, are you kidding me?
Nastinchka (00:32:23): I'll delete this transcript when we're done, methinks.
Nastinchka (00:32:29): It's getting loadeder by the minute.
Allais500 (00:32:43): Me too, thank god for secure trash emptying...you on Desdemona?
Nastinchka (00:32:48): I delete all of them after they're purged for Snarks.
Nastinchka (00:32:55): No, my Dell-baby, so much the better.
Allais500 (00:32:59): Of course, because I don't think I've mentioned booze once.
Nastinchka (00:33:05): HAHAHAHAHA
Allais500 (00:33:16): So I have no idea what you'd post from this.
Nastinchka (00:33:23): ...Well, that.

Yeah, it's finals week:
Nastinchka (07:05:08): I'm so bored with my presentation I'm trying to figure out ways I can plug my own website in it.
Auto response from kaitlinwithani (07:05:10): i have reached the point where i dont know what this paper is about anymore

And what kind of week has it been?
KeiranOHara (23:55:31): we need to start a clinic
Nastinchka (23:55:37): No. Kidding.
KeiranOHara (23:56:09): i dont understand how women can let us go on living
KeiranOHara (23:56:18): i've been my share of asshole
Nastinchka (23:56:32): yeah, but not like this.
Nastinchka (23:56:35): Or I'd've killed you.
KeiranOHara (23:56:39): i've even used the girl trick
Nastinchka (23:56:48): So've I
KeiranOHara (23:56:54): but not in public, not on the internet, you either
Nastinchka (23:58:56): I'm going to kill him in the face.

The same night:
Allais500 (00:25:09): That's it, I already told Jesse I was putting the kibosh on relationships, worldwide, effective immediately. Someone has contaminated the pool and we must all get out or perich.
Nastinchka (00:25:20): NO. KIDDING.
Allais500 (00:25:25): That was perish.
Allais500 (00:25:31): For those of you playing at home.
Nastinchka (00:25:36): I speak Tormented Typist, no worries.
Allais500 (00:25:51): The stars are fucked up or something.
Nastinchka (00:26:29): THe stars are on their eighth margarita.
Allais500 (00:26:40): ROTFL
Allais500 (00:26:53): The stars are on another coke binge.
Nastinchka (00:27:13): YES.
Allais500 (00:27:20): Love is in the air, everywhere, just always for OTHER people.
Nastinchka (00:27:21): ROTFindespairbutlaughing
Allais500 (00:27:33): Right there next to you.
Allais500 (00:28:02): Everyone on the planet is THAT guy/girl right now.
Allais500 (00:28:10): I'm dead serious.
Nastinchka (00:28:38): I KNOW!!!!
Allais500 (00:29:00): I told Jesse he needed to bring his moral grounding back, because we're just running wild in the street, booty shakin', ain't nobody readin'.....
Nastinchka (00:29:32): Can we have a civilization?

Immediately following the World Series:
Nastinchka (00:14:12): HAHAHAHAHA.....all this talk of 'keeping the faith' cracks me up.
Nastinchka (00:14:21): It's more like "nowhere to go but up".
nicodemus055 (00:14:32): Heh
Nastinchka (00:14:36): Boston fans, despair. Finally, it CAN get worse.

Circa Halloween:
Nastinchka (20:45:12): So I left my building to walk to the party.
Nastinchka (20:45:32): And found myself behind these five gentlemen who, as it happened, were going to the same party.
Nastinchka (20:45:52): And they were all wearing body tights and sandwich boards cut out and colored to look like tetris blocks.
Nastinchka (20:46:17): And there was a guy with them carrying a boom box that was playing a techno remix of the Tetris theme.
Nastinchka (20:46:22): And they danced in formation.
Nastinchka (20:46:31): It was Fucking Glorious.
ORtwaddle (20:46:48): holy shit. if i were gay, i would make out with all of them at the same time just for that. thank goodness i'm straight.
Nastinchka (20:47:09): I gave it very serious thought, I don't mind telling you.

Nastinchka (22:16:23): The smack-talk doth flow. Our mouths are as loose as our morals.
Big Evil (22:16:25): Hmmm... there's a video there, somewhere. Grad school, here I come!

Right after we got home from watching Raise Your Voice, totally wasted, at the Dirty Dollar:
nicodemus055 (23:43:36): You Ok?
Nastinchka (23:44:06): <---drunk.
Nastinchka (23:44:14): <---pretty
nicodemus055 (23:44:29): Lol
nicodemus055 (23:44:32): <---sober
Nastinchka (23:44:36): WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
nicodemus055 (23:44:42): I had nightmares about my physics test during my nap.
Nastinchka (23:44:45): I thought "there is not enough alcohol in the world to make me keep watching this movie."
Nastinchka (23:44:52): But I was wrong.

Funny only to a few, but enough to make it worthy, and a lovely image besides:
jangel139: Oh, Mrs. Peterson is the Devil in a Christmas vest.

Ladies and gentlemen, the return of Lunchbox:
Eegah820690903 (13:18:19): I'll go out on a limb then, considering newfound sudden validation of my superior relationship counseling skills: Here Goes: Ok: Coming Soon: Relationship Advice: From A Freakish-Manchild Grandeur of Delusional Man. Ok.
Eegah820690903 (13:18:24): ...Gimme a minute.

jangel139: You better be at my graduation. You and Holly. With bells on. And nothing else.
KeiranOHara: i'll need a rather large bell
KeiranOHara: can i wear the frendship bell?

During the Colts-Chiefs game:
Nastinchka (16:16:27): PEYTON HAS THROWN FOR 441 YARDS TODAY, WHICH IS A CAREER HIGH FOR HIM.
Nastinchka (16:16:41): HE HAS THROWN FOR FIVE TOUCHDOWNS, BUT IT WILL NOT SAVE THE COLTS.
Nastinchka (16:16:51): THE WHOLE FUCKING DEFENSE NEEDS A SPANKING.
Nastinchka (16:16:54): AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.
Nastinchka (16:17:06): GOD FUCKING CHRIST.
nicodemus055 (16:17:31): The Patriots are about to school Pittsburgh.
Nastinchka (16:17:34): I KNOW
Nastinchka (16:17:39): I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS GAME
Nastinchka (16:17:50): BUT RIGHT NOW THE COLTS ARE DOWN BY TEN WITH 2:17 LEFT.
Nastinchka (16:18:14): FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Nastinchka (16:18:15): FUCK.
Nastinchka (16:18:31): HE CAN'T BEAT AN ENTIRE FOOTBALL TEAM BY HIMSELF.
Nastinchka (16:18:39): THOUGH THE DEFENSE SEEMS CONTENT TO LET HIM TRY.
nicodemus055 (16:21:41): Your fucking Colts are delaying my Patriots. CBS is playing your crappy game.
Auto response from Nastinchka (16:21:41): Come on, now, Stokely. Justify my love. FOR FUCK'S SAKE, COLTS DEFENSE, PEYTON CAN'T DO EVERYTHING HIMSELF. WHY ARE YOU MAKING HIM CARRY YOUR GREEN ASSES??
Nastinchka (16:22:20): THEY ONLY CUT IN FOR THE LAST THREE MINUTES OF THE GAME. THIS IS THE SECOND WEEK IN A ROW THE COLTS HAVE BEEN PREEMPTED FOR THE FUCKING TITANS.
Nastinchka (16:22:35): EVERY TIME I HAVEN'T SEEN A COLTS GAME THIS SEASON THEY'VE LOST.
Nastinchka (16:22:45): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
nicodemus055 (16:22:47): Heh.
nicodemus055 (16:22:59): But if I miss a Patriots touchdown I shall be most displeased.
Nastinchka (16:23:09): THERE WILL BE MANY, MANY PATRIOTS TOUCHDOWNS.
Nastinchka (16:23:20): TOM BRADY'S WINNING SMILE IS NOTHING NEXT TO THE MAJESTY OF PEYTON.
nicodemus055 (16:24:26): Now they're talking about showing San Diego instead of the Patriots.
Nastinchka (16:25:07): NO, THEY WON'T. IT GOES BY TIME ZONE.
Nastinchka (16:24:52): FUCKING REPROBATES CAN'T STOP A KITTEN, LET ALONE THE KC LINE.
Nastinchka (16:25:23): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
nicodemus055 (16:25:26): Pick for Peyton. Sorry. [As if I weren't watching. Bastard.]
Nastinchka (16:25:26): AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Nastinchka (16:26:09): HE CAN;T DO EVERYTHING.
Nastinchka (16:26:17): FUCK FUCK FUCK ,
Nastinchka (16:26:21): BARBRA STREISAND
Nastinchka (16:26:22): FUC,K

No, I don't know either:
Allais500 (20:12:25): Green means go.
Nastinchka (20:12:30): VROOM.
Allais500 (20:12:40): Chugga-chugga.
Allais500 (20:12:45): Sputter.
Allais500 (20:12:47): Cough.
Nastinchka (20:12:50): Wheeze
Allais500 (20:13:33): Well, that was a bust.
Nastinchka (20:14:26): You're a bust.
Allais500 (20:14:31): I have a bust.
Nastinchka (20:14:37): Don't I know it.
Allais500 (20:14:46): Pot. Kettle. Black.
Nastinchka (20:14:51): What's up.

anonymous (20:37:17): I asked two perfectly-phrased and thought-provoking questions in MEH today after having slept through half of the lecture and having 6 shots of vodka for lunch. I Am Untouchable.
Nastinchka (20:59:43): Good for you, darling, though obviously we'll be discussing the lunch menu.

The Next Day:
anonymous (16:47:41): I see *nothing* wrong with my lunch menu
anonymous(16:48:34): Or rather, nothing you can lecture about after getting drunk on the top floor of the Westtown parking garage at noon.
anonymous (16:48:36): so THERE
anonymous(16:48:41): ... you taught me well.
Nastinchka (17:20:52): I taught you well, but a) it was 10 AM, not noon, and it was a holiday, and b) just because I applaud the stunt doesn't mean I can't worry about you.
Nastinchka (17:21:24): Joan's response upon hearing about yesterday's little escapade, by the way, was highly indignant: "It's not Valentine's Day!"
anonymous (17:22:41): Don't worry. S***** walked me to class so I didn't fall on the waterfall stairs, and M*** got me to MEH and then kept me at school until he was positive I was fine to drive.
anonymous17:22:49): Also, bio was more interesting on monday than it's EVER been
anonymous (17:23:00): and I don't see why Valentine's Day can't be a year-round holiday
Nastinchka (17:23:01): But I don't want you to do that again until school's out. Deal?
anonymous(17:23:07): Okay, fine.
anonymous (17:23:08): Deal.
Nastinchka (17:23:09): Good.

Allais500 (00:22:42): GASP!!! Clutch those pearls, what a sneaky thing to do.

nicodemus055 (19:23:36): You have stopped paying attention to me.
Nastinchka (19:23:45): Not really, no.
nicodemus055 (19:23:46): I do a small dance.
nicodemus055 (19:23:50): A regret dance.
nicodemus055 (19:24:11): The dance will be accompanied by a piccolo.
nicodemus055 (19:24:19): Wow. I'm a bit out of it.
Nastinchka (19:24:25): A bit.

Burn, with apologues to OKC:
KeiranOHara (18:55:10): apparently you have forgotten about our good friend amy...
Auto response from Nastinchka (18:55:10): Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction.

LiviaHarlowe (18:10:25): remember that time john made such a big deal about coming to into the woods so he could make amends, then didn't? it doesn't bother me, it amuses me, but it's still a sad commentary on his life.
Nastinchka (18:11:22): Cute but thoughtless?
Nastinchka (18:11:29): Like a really, really pretty goldfish.
Nastinchka (18:11:40): (They have really short attention spans, right?)
Nastinchka (18:11:42): NO.
Nastinchka (18:11:44): WAIT............
Nastinchka (18:11:48): LIKE A HUMMINGBIRD.
LiviaHarlowe (18:11:54): I knew you'd get there eventually.
Nastinchka (18:11:54): AM I FUCKING PRESCIENT OR WHAT?
LiviaHarlowe (18:11:59): SO called that shit.

Nastinchka (00:23:13): You're my favorite, and I don't tell you often enough.
kaitlinwithani (00:24:10): its cause im only [edit] when im cranky and even then im funny... so really you and i are just the same person.
Nastinchka (00:25:36): I think that's why you're my favorite.
Nastinchka (00:25:41): How narcissistic of me.
kaitlinwithani (00:26:12): you mean of us.

nicodemus055 (15:42:19): Enjoy your shower. I watch.
nicodemus055 (15:42:40): Er, the movie.
nicodemus055 (15:42:43): Not you in the shower.
Nastinchka (15:43:03): Right. That would take A Mighty Telescope.
nicodemus055 (15:43:15): I go to MIT. We have those.
Nastinchka (15:43:32): Fo my part, I'll be watching my soapy back.

jangel139: Well, I have a paper to write. So I suppose I should ... go do that ...
jangel139: .... save me save me save me
Nastinchka: *swashbuckles*
jangel139: I'll buckle your swash
jangel139: God, that word is so intrinsically dirty.
Nastinchka: I think I put too much swash in, as it were.
Nastinchka: [scene]
jangel139: ::contented sigh::

Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Nick has so many sports-related snarks?
Nastinchka (19:16:34): A lot of them are good television. For the most part, though, the QBs are smart guys. They have to be.
nicodemus055 (19:17:46): Except for Tom Brady. His brain cells have congealed in his winning smile.

Big Evil (19:54:40): Well... at least your ego has quickly recovered from your tumble. P-)
Nastinchka (19:54:56): Never liked you blah blah blah blatant come-on
Big Evil (19:56:39): Ah! It's like mad libs flirting...
"hey you [inuendo-laden nickname], how about you [verb] over here and [adjective] [verb] me."
Big Evil (19:56:42): Dig it.

Nastinchka (02:42:47): Just tumbled into bed. Reading emails. You?
nicodemus055 (02:44:19): Giving sex advice to an old friend.
nicodemus055 (02:44:24): Sorta
Nastinchka (02:44:32): Lord.
nicodemus055 (02:44:40): I'm not giving tips.
Nastinchka (02:44:50): I would hope not.
Nastinchka (02:45:02): ( I only made that joke because I knew you'd be waiting for it)
nicodemus055 (02:45:07): Why the hell not?
nicodemus055 (02:45:10): Oh.
nicodemus055 (02:45:12): Well, I was.
Nastinchka (02:45:15): I know.
nicodemus055 (02:45:19): But I didn't think you would.
Nastinchka (02:45:22): ;-) gotcha.

These last proud few are destined for some sort of Hall Of Fame. If, by "Hall of Fame", you mean "Pantheon of Oh Hell No We Di'int", and I think we all know that's the case. Take a bow, darlings:

LiviaHarlowe (18:24:15): I had an over-the-phone run-in with Stew's Moo
LiviaHarlowe (18:24:18): it was terrifying
Nastinchka (18:24:22): The hell?
Nastinchka (18:24:48): Spill.
LiviaHarlowe (18:25:42): i was talking to him and she very sweetly came up and was like "stewart, we're having dinner. hang up that motherfucking phone" and he went "it's joan, she just got out of the hospital' and she went "oh, we're glad to hear she's feeling better. now hang up that motherfucking phone before i hit you in the face with it. best wishes to joan". the end.
Nastinchka (18:25:51): WTF
Nastinchka (18:25:55): Are you fucking joking?
LiviaHarlowe (18:26:01): No
LiviaHarlowe (18:26:03): no, i'm not.
Nastinchka (18:26:11): Stewart's gonna come back with a black eye and be alll ".....I fell".
LiviaHarlowe (18:26:18): it was awesome
Nastinchka (18:26:39): OMG, he called me last night at like 1 am and I missed it and I called him back to day and he was all "I hit your number by accident", but I bet it was a cry for help. Awesome.
LiviaHarlowe (18:27:21): Stewart did??
LiviaHarlowe (18:27:23): Weird
Nastinchka (18:28:08): Cry. For. Help.
Nastinchka (18:28:11): I'm telling you.
LiviaHarlowe (18:29:03): it was like a religious experience. i was simultaneously terrified by her wrath and awed by her glorious power.
LiviaHarlowe (18:30:46): then he called me back and told me how his mom exhibited sympathy for me at the table,. then punished him by telling everyone stories about puberty.
Nastinchka (18:31:00): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Nastinchka (18:31:07): Clearly, this is someone we need to emulate.
LiviaHarlowe (18:32:13): seriously, i was drawn to her yet filled with holy terror
Nastinchka (18:32:43): So the chat window I had open over yours covered up 'holy terror', and I sweartagod the first word I thought was "Custard".
LiviaHarlowe (18:33:49): from now on i am calling you Venomous Custard Dance Remix 2004
Nastinchka (18:33:56): BITCHIN'.
LiviaHarlowe (18:35:37): I know, right?

Eegah820690903 (08:39:58): also, if you ever get a chance, there's a French short film called 2 Plus 1 that's pretty funny. I enjoyed it in spite of the fact that the french stuff wasn't subtitled at all, and the English was subtitled in French. It was till awesome. Plus there were no clowns in this one
Nastinchka (08:40:23): Yeah, there's that.
Eegah820690903 (08:40:43): always better. God, that clown movie was almost worse than my breakup
Nastinchka (08:41:24): HAHAHAHAHA
Nastinchka (08:41:32): (I can laugh at that, right?)
Eegah820690903 (08:41:40): I hoped you would
Nastinchka (08:41:45): Oh, good.
Nastinchka (08:42:04): *sings* smiiiiiile, though your hearrrrrrrt is brrrreaking.......
Eegah820690903 (08:42:11): take from a MASH fan. You gotta laugh at destruction. Or the terrorists win.

Longest Snark on record that's entirely in code. Believe it or not, to a handful of faithful this will make perfect sense:
Nastinchka (18:15:22): I know, right?
LiviaHarlowe (18:15:32): Shut up. That shirt looks hot on you.
Nastinchka (18:15:49): You look sexy with your hair pushed back.
LiviaHarlowe (18:16:10): Stop trying to make fetch happen. It's not going to happen.
Nastinchka (18:16:27): That is the ugliest effing skirt I"ve ever seen in my life.
LiviaHarlowe (18:17:15): You might think you like somebody, but you could be wrong.
Nastinchka (18:17:34): Get in loser; we're going shopping.
LiviaHarlowe (18:17:41): Again with the creepy roleplaying tone.
Nastinchka (18:17:51): I know, right?........AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
LiviaHarlowe (18:19:03): I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me, but I can't help it that I'm popular.
Nastinchka (18:19:48): So, are you Puerto Rican?
Nastinchka (18:20:00): AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
LiviaHarlowe (18:20:10): If you're from Africa, why are you white?
Nastinchka (18:20:05): SILK NOG COMMERCIAL
Nastinchka (18:20:09): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LiviaHarlowe (18:20:11): AHDLKJHQ3REPO6432
LiviaHarlowe (18:20:12): `
LiviaHarlowe (18:20:13): ;EFJG';LMTYHG
LiviaHarlowe (18:20:14): NOOO
Nastinchka (18:20:21): NOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Nastinchka (18:20:59): Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, ok, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.
Nastinchka (18:21:13): (Also, OMG, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white)
LiviaHarlowe (18:21:26): Boo. You whore.
Nastinchka (18:21:41): ....I know, right?
Nastinchka (18:21:50): (I can't help that it works with EVERYTHING.)
LiviaHarlowe (18:23:04): God.
Nastinchka (18:23:09): Yeah.
Nastinchka (18:23:12): Whatcha doin'?

This one puts Kaitlin in the firmament, forserious:
Nastinchka (23:31:46): Jaysis, I canna type this evening.
kaitlinwithani (23:32:11): i dont know. maybe if ***** would quit biting you, you could function
Nastinchka (23:33:10): He's not here, but that's very true nonetheless.
kaitlinwithani (23:33:19): AND 10 POINTS TO GRIFFINDOR!
kaitlinwithani (23:33:28): and by griffindor i mean me
kaitlinwithani (23:33:40): and i dont think i spelled that right
kaitlinwithani (23:33:52): what can i do. im a little bit of a savant
Nastinchka (23:35:14): Are you drunk now, by any chance?
kaitlinwithani (23:35:28): no. just in rare form.
Nastinchka (23:37:21): I'll say. I'm in awe.

Yeah. Back with a vengeance:
Eegah820690903 (13:50:44): ah, Maureen Dowd, cosy, curmudgeonly, dowd
Nastinchka (13:50:48): Love her.
Nastinchka (13:50:51): Fucking love her.
Eegah820690903 (13:50:53): yep
Eegah820690903 (13:50:55): me too
Nastinchka (13:51:06): You know she dated Sorkin? Wouldn't they have the most alarmingly talented cabbages?
Eegah820690903 (13:51:26): OMFG
Eegah820690903 (13:51:28): no, had no idea
Eegah820690903 (13:51:32): but I can so see it.
Nastinchka (13:51:50): yeah.
Eegah820690903 (13:51:54): i thought to myself one day, I wonder if she's a fan of the WW? And now I must laugh at that for a second.
Eegah820690903 (13:53:40): their spawn would've been one hot liberal. I mean, it would literally come out zinging and writing op-eds. Like, maybe on the walls of her uterus.
Nastinchka (13:54:13): Can't...........breattthe
Eegah820690903 (13:54:39): Her womb would read like so:
Nastinchka (13:55:03): *cringes*
Eegah820690903 (13:55:22): Ok. I can't write like Dowd, or Sorkin. I admit it
Eegah820690903 (13:55:27): hold on a second though
Nastinchka (13:55:46): Holding
Eegah820690903 (13:56:39): ok. I give up. Not. That. Brilliant. gasp. bemoan own lack of brilliance. Search for Sports Night clips...and cry
Nastinchka (13:56:53): Yeah.
Eegah820690903 (13:56:55): that was my AIM performance art: Lament in G-Minor for Sorkinikus Dowdicum

Nastinchka (00:17:42): This is SO getting posted.
Nastinchka (00:17:50): Carefully edited, of course.
kaitlinwithani (00:18:37): its true. oh you are a loser. this is like the best way ever to tell him you like him. post it in the snarks. totally original
Nastinchka (00:19:23): Oh, stoppit. ;-)
kaitlinwithani (00:20:04): why cause you know im right and you dont want an inferiority complex?
Nastinchka (00:20:16): Right in one.

Epilogue:
Nastinchka (01:00:39): Know what we got?
Nastinchka (01:00:44): We got ourselves the makin's.
Allais500 (01:01:00): They are definitely makin's.
Nastinchka (01:01:08): Night, comrade.
Allais500 (01:01:30): Flights of angels...blah blah blah

I just lost, like, four bets

Posted by Nastinchka at December 7, 2004 10:29 AM