Ponies, show tunes, automatic weapons, Scientology, and inappropriate handles for impending babies:
7:14:05 PM nastinchka: (Why do you want my address?)
7:14:18 PM nastinchka: (DANCE.)
7:14:24 PM liviaharlowe: So I know where to dump the body.
7:14:27 PM liviaharlowe: (Bodies.)
7:14:57 PM nastinchka: (If you're going to implicate me in another double homicide, you could throw in some DANCing.)
7:15:51 PM liviaharlowe: YOU DON'T OWN ME.
7:16:03 PM nastinchka: YOU CAN'T GO WITH OTHER BOYS.
7:16:14 PM liviaharlowe: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
7:16:19 PM liviaharlowe: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO SAY.
7:16:24 PM nastinchka: I'M PUTTING YOU ON DISPLAY
7:16:28 PM liviaharlowe: AND WHEN I GO OUT WITH YOU, DON'T PUT ME ON DISPLAY.
7:16:30 PM nastinchka: FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
7:16:36 PM nastinchka: GIMME THE BAT, WENDY
7:16:38 PM liviaharlowe: I wish I had thought to scream these lyrics last night, at Club LeConte.
7:16:41 PM liviaharlowe: I'M NOT GONNA HURTYA
7:16:41 PM nastinchka: I'M NOT GONNA HURTCHA
7:16:50 PM liviaharlowe: That would have been well-received too.
7:16:59 PM nastinchka: .....do I hear sparks flying?
7:18:00 PM liviaharlowe: If by sparks, you mean the hideous, all-consuming flames of white-hot rage and entitlement while consuming delicious, beautifully arranged calamari in an evening gown, then yes.
7:21:22 PM liviaharlowe: And, of course, there was all the smirking arrogance I could eat.
7:21:54 PM nastinchka: .....that makes it sound like you ate it off his face.
7:22:01 PM liviaharlowe: I might as well have.
7:22:13 PM liviaharlowe: Wait, I didnt mean that like it sounded.
7:22:19 PM nastinchka: (What's the tax bracket cutoff for capitalizing "his"? I never can remmeber.)
7:22:31 PM liviaharlowe: Im sure he is in it by now.
7:24:04 PM liviaharlowe: DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE PONY
7:24:21 PM nastinchka: ??????????????????????????
7:25:03 PM liviaharlowe: he was at an auction and one of the items was a strawberry blonde pony named shortcake
7:25:59 PM nastinchka: DID HE BUY YOU A PONY??
7:26:03 PM liviaharlowe: and it was only like 500 dollars, and apparently he almost bid on it so i could have a pony, but then decided i didnt have anywhere to keep it. he obviously thought that in telling me this story he was going to win my heart. instead, i vociferously eviscerated him for failing to obtain the pony.
7:26:16 PM nastinchka: THat's my girl.
7:26:26 PM liviaharlowe: i couldnt BELIEVE it
7:26:28 PM liviaharlowe: i was THIS CLOSE
7:32:21 PM liviaharlowe: anyway, i would have immediately rechristened the pony "jumanji" and begun the indoctrination.
7:32:52 PM liviaharlowe: How could he NOT buy the pony? I mean, I realize I sound like Veruca Salt right now, but come on. Doesn't he KNOW me? Hate.
7:32:59 PM nastinchka: PONY.
7:33:04 PM nastinchka: *chest pound*
7:33:48 PM liviaharlowe: From the pony, it's only a small, unassuming leap to the diamond encrusted rocket ship that runs on liquid gold.
7:34:10 PM nastinchka: which is, in itself, an upgrade from the ruby-encrusted rocket ship of the same nature.
7:34:28 PM liviaharlowe: rubies are for the proletariat.
7:36:05 PM liviaharlowe: i will have so many rubies that i will casually stuff them down the howling, protesting throats of the upper middle class tax monkeys that serve me.
7:37:30 PM nastinchka: ....I have no reply.
7:38:05 PM liviaharlowe: Much like they will have no reply as their larynx strangles on the glistening rubies.
7:38:14 PM nastinchka: Much.
7:38:38 PM liviaharlowe: I sounded so much like C___ right there that I glanced fearfully at my feet to see if they had grown four sizes, like the Grinch's heart.
7:38:50 PM nastinchka: Ew.
7:38:58 PM liviaharlowe: (They're okay.)
7:40:01 PM nastinchka: [EDIT]
7:42:19 PM liviaharlowe: I just added three rubies to the pile marked "Holly's throat".
LiviaHarlowe: i would have renamed the pony Rainbow Ritter and i would have loved it unconditionally. i would have fed it human flesh if thats what it wanted. and i would have made it a saddle of gold and a bit of velvet.
ShiftyEyedGuy: so you would have taken the pony?
LiviaHarlowe: ....DO YOU KNOW ME?
LiviaHarlowe: ITS A PONY
ShiftyEyedGuy: fair enough
LiviaHarlowe: If someone offered you an Uzi with no strings attached, would you take it?
LiviaHarlowe: YES.
ShiftyEyedGuy: ummm, duh
LiviaHarlowe: (fin)
8:37:26 PM jangel139: it's not fair that you know what you want to do with your life
8:37:27 PM jangel139: I protest
8:38:35 PM nastinchka: I didn't know for real until about a year ago. You've so got time.
8:39:00 PM jangel139: but what if it's something I ought to have been planning for !
8:39:03 PM jangel139: what if I want to do biochemistry
8:39:05 PM jangel139: or physics
8:39:11 PM jangel139: or ... or ... the commerce school
8:39:13 PM jangel139: ahhhhh
8:39:20 PM nastinchka: Then you'll take an extra semester of school. You're fine.
8:39:23 PM jangel139: (I feel surprisingly like Nick all of the sudden)
8:39:47 PM nastinchka: .....so many jokes, none of them funny.
2:44:12 PM liviaharlowe: GNNNNN I HATE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA
2:44:45 PM nastinchka: For non-football related reasons?
2:44:55 PM liviaharlowe: their website is so deliberately confusing
2:46:54 PM liviaharlowe: its almost like they know i am from tennessee and dont want me to apply
2:47:02 PM nastinchka: That could very well be.
2:47:42 PM nastinchka: You know what was weird? They sent my acceptance letter for undergrad (I applied to tease my father) ALARMINGLY fast. Like, a matter of weeks. At the time, I thought it was funny, but looking back it seems like A Trap.
2:48:39 PM liviaharlowe: i can go there for free, which is nice.
2:48:50 PM nastinchka: Why dat?
2:49:07 PM liviaharlowe: I'm a resident of Florida.
2:49:17 PM nastinchka: .....?......OH.
2:49:20 PM nastinchka: Awesome.
2:50:09 PM liviaharlowe: It is, isn't it?
2:50:16 PM liviaharlowe: Technically, I'm also a resident of Alabama.
2:50:25 PM liviaharlowe: Hello, Auburn University.
2:50:50 PM nastinchka: Ew. Goodbye, Auburn university.
2:51:10 PM liviaharlowe: It's nice, though, to be able to go to college for free in THREE states.
2:51:50 PM nastinchka: Yesh.
2:52:13 PM liviaharlowe: screw you FAFSA!!! (desperate, braying, hysterical laughter)
2:52:33 PM nastinchka: That was a pretty good Stewart impression.
2:53:45 PM liviaharlowe: it's gonna kill him if i get into Georgia.
2:54:01 PM nastinchka: I hope that's inspiring you to really put some thought into your application.
2:54:15 PM liviaharlowe: You know, it really is
2:54:20 PM liviaharlowe: Just out of spite
2:54:39 PM liviaharlowe: And not even spite...just so he knows once and for all that I am smarter, prettier, and better than him.
2:54:24 PM nastinchka: .....you're basing your grad school choices on SEC football prowess, aren't you?
2:54:43 PM liviaharlowe: ....maybe.
1:59:56 PM minda999: ever heard of Eflat13flat5flat9
2:00:10 PM minda999: also known as D#flat13flat5flat9
2:00:26 PM nastinchka: ....does it have anything to do with an autoharp? I never could handle an autoharp.
7:49:22 PM liviaharlowe (Autoreply): GOD, Mom, if you wanted to see Tom Cruise so bad you should have joined the Church of Scientology, represented yourself as a naive young starlet from the WB, and signed an ultrasecret contract in which you agree to be a birthing vessel. (Translation: Moo wants me to go up and rent War of the Worlds.)
3:44:17 PM jangel139: Am I that obvious?
3:44:26 PM nastinchka: I was serious.
3:44:36 PM nastinchka: Well, I was joking.
3:45:10 PM nastinchka: In my head it would play out along the lines of "is it me?", "No!!", "Then we're fine"
3:45:26 PM nastinchka: After which I would proceed to listen to your crush story and offer cranky love.
3:45:57 PM jangel139: because you would be jealous that it wasn't you
3:46:16 PM nastinchka: No, because I'm cranky. But the love would be real.
3:36:16 PM nicodemus055: How in the name of all that I haven't yet crushed beneath my boots has Ticketmaster become so evil?
3:36:44 PM nastinchka: No guts (yours, on TicketMaster's outstretched claws), no glory
1:25:06 PM nastinchka: Mindojo, I tried to leave a comment on your blog, but I don't think it worked.
1:25:36 PM minda999: you have to leave it and then it shows it to you as a preview without you asking, then you post it.
1:25:54 PM minda999: it's a pain
1:26:45 PM nastinchka: No big deal....it was late, I was tired, and spouting jokes about how you should name das impending baby Andrea or Claudia, despite the fact that It's A Boy.
1:27:09 PM minda999: what was the guy's name?
1:27:20 PM nastinchka: Ummm....hmm. Thomas?
1:27:29 PM minda999: i can't believe you remember that.
1:27:33 PM nastinchka: I'm not sure.
1:27:42 PM minda999: it sounds right to me
1:28:03 PM nastinchka: Keiran would know.
1:28:14 PM minda999: just say "tseuss thomas", or "i can allein nass werden, thomas" and it fits
1:28:53 PM nastinchka: YES. "Spater, Thomas. Ich will allein sein."
1:29:14 PM nastinchka: You should name him THomas, but call him Tschuss for short. So cute.
1:29:44 PM minda999: i'll ask
1:29:53 PM nastinchka: (I should not be allowed to name children.)
1:30:08 PM minda999: he says no
1:30:15 PM minda999: or hmm mm
1:30:15 PM nastinchka: Colby's just selfish.
1:30:29 PM minda999: yes, he is.
1:48:11 PM minda999: and mr. senter said (this is the only thing i remember from his class) that if you watch the gods must be crazy you'll have your baby the next day. (happened to his wife and a friend)
1:48:14 PM minda999: yeah, didn't work.
2:02:32 PM nastinchka: I'm off to work. Keep me posted, k?
2:02:51 PM minda999: maybe you'll get a 7.5 second call from colby soon
2:03:03 PM minda999: mindahavinbabygottago
2:03:05 PM nastinchka: Good luck, or whatever you say to Very Pregnant Women
2:03:19 PM nastinchka: (Not break a leg, obviously.)
4:18:31 PM nastinchka: There's that one Bud radio ad where the guy's saluing the giant taco salad inventor and he says in his big boomy voice: "When your wife asks, "is that reeeeally healthy?", you say OF COURSE IT IS. IT's A SALAD".
4:18:40 PM nastinchka: And I always think of this.
4:19:37 PM T$: looks delic. i think i might have to make this at some point. oh, i made a roast the other day using fresh mint and thyme as the spices, along with some pearl onions. *drool*
4:20:27 PM nastinchka: Awwww. WHo's my big girl? *pinches cheeks*
4:21:29 PM T$: quiet, you.
4:21:51 PM nastinchka: *hushes, adorably*
4:22:29 PM T$: stop it. you're teetering dangerously on the edge of blue's clues cute
4:22:48 PM nastinchka: WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! *freewheels off Cute CLiff*
4:22:50 PM T$: don't go over that edge, for it is the land of paul ruebens
4:22:55 PM nastinchka: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
4:22:55 PM T$: oop, too late
4:22:57 PM nastinchka: *learns to fly*
4:23:04 PM nastinchka: (*adorably*)
4:23:06 PM T$: hope you like masturbating in movie theaters.
4:23:12 PM T$: (i know i do)
4:23:17 PM nastinchka: We know.
4:23:34 PM T$: yet you still take sips of my coke
4:23:38 PM T$: ahem, "coke"
4:23:44 PM nastinchka: snnnnnnnfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
4:24:21 PM T$: bet you didn't know it was laced with little bits of tolsun dna, did you? and if you did, how awesome is it that you think you can get preggers that way?
4:25:37 PM nastinchka: ....Im amazed.
4:25:46 PM T$: at?
4:26:09 PM nastinchka: I didn't think my arm would reach far enough to cross state lines, navigate Philadelphia, wiggle up your nethers, and make you say something only I would say.
4:26:24 PM nastinchka: (Like a puppet, not a Solway Asian Spa day-shifter).
4:26:39 PM T$: what about the night shift?
4:26:57 PM nastinchka: Night shift you get both arms.
4:27:16 PM T$: all of this probably comes from talking to my friend at school. her mom once said she couldn't get satin underwear because, with cotton, a girl can breath.
4:27:41 PM T$: i asked, "but what if the guy isn't the cleanest in the world? doesn't that mean less fun and more stank?"
4:28:08 PM nastinchka: ..are those last two related?
4:28:40 PM T$: alternate means of oxygen ingress and co2 egress
4:28:50 PM T$: put a pillow over her face, she ain't gonna die
4:29:19 PM nastinchka: ......you're just trying to get posted, aren't you?
4:29:29 PM T$: no
4:29:37 PM T$: this is an hoenst-to-god conversation i had last night
4:29:40 PM T$: honest
4:30:13 PM nastinchka: And you think that makes it BETTER?
3:11:07 PM nastinchka: Growing my nails out is wwreaking havoc on my typing.
3:11:35 PM nicodemus055: You're growing your nails out why?
3:11:46 PM nastinchka: Um. Revenge.
3:11:55 PM nicodemus055: Aroo?
3:12:35 PM nastinchka: Well.....I've taken some damage in bed recently, owing to the tendency of someone much, much bigger than me being my bedmate, and owing to said bedmate being a very heavy sleeper, and a Roller.
3:13:02 PM nastinchka: It's not unusual for me to wake up completely immobilized with no way of extricating myself.
3:13:13 PM nastinchka: So I grow weapons.
3:13:19 PM nicodemus055: I see.
3:13:33 PM nastinchka: You asked.
3:11:14 PM T$: seems a bit low, if you ask me
3:15:47 PM nastinchka: So was your....mom? When I.....bent her over the coffee table?
4:18:00 PM nicodemus055 (Autoreply): Well hell... I just might make some As after all.
4:18:03 PM nastinchka: Well golly, Huckleberry, let's go down to the creek and race frogs!
4:18:39 PM nicodemus055: I didn't say, "dang."
4:18:47 PM nicodemus055: I reckon I shoulda, though.
4:18:58 PM nastinchka: Reckon so.
4:19:00 PM nastinchka: *spits*
So there's this picture that found its way to Facebook, that Joan brilliantly captioned "Bitch Cassidy and Mincing Twinkle Princess". Because I look like a bandit, and John's wearing A Tiara.
6:45:03 PM liviaharlowe: Bitch Cassidy just has such a ring of truth to it.
6:45:08 PM nastinchka: I KNOW.
6:45:11 PM nastinchka: I'm going by that from now on.
6:45:17 PM liviaharlowe: Yeah, you are.
6:45:25 PM nastinchka: It's even better than Venomous Custard Dance Remix 2004.
2:01:16 PM T$: i got a friend request on myspace today. it was from the guy who was a friend of mine freshman and sophomore year of college...until he and his roommate both slept with my then-girlfriend, whom he ended up impregnating and marrying. and then divorcing, because she decided she was wiccan and lesbian. (oh, hey, that brings the number of women i've dated who have ended up being lesbian to four.) think i should add him?
6:28:00 PM nastinchka: I have to work tonight.
6:28:07 PM liviaharlowe: You smell.
6:28:16 PM nastinchka: Yeah, like MONEY.
6:28:41 PM liviaharlowe: and the sweet smell of SELLING OUT.
6:28:56 PM liviaharlowe: you know i'm kidding, before your head cocks back like an attacking mongoose.
6:28:57 PM nastinchka: says the MALL DRONE.
6:29:01 PM nastinchka: ...Oh.
6:29:28 PM nastinchka: Well, I don't take that back, because it's funny.
6:29:44 PM liviaharlowe: Very nice.
5:22:20 PM liviaharlowe: i just chased my dog down the hall, grunting incomprehensibly and beating my chest, but it wasn't the same...i miss jay.
Posted by Nastinchka at December 5, 2005 05:55 PM
