Snarkastic

Laff Riot 27: Politsnark

5:44:24 PM Holly: ALITO'S SON IS AT UVA!! How did this escape my notice?? You have to sleep with him.
5:44:43 PM Joy: whaat
5:45:09 PM Holly: For national security reasons. You have to sleep with him.
5:45:37 PM Joy: Deal.
5:45:54 PM Holly: ....and then tell me everything, so I can tell the Liberal Media.
5:46:05 PM Joy: hm . he does not appear to be on facebook. how can I stalk and then summarily seduce him?
5:46:07 PM Holly: I bet he's a crier.
5:46:53 PM Holly: Yeah, they removed his profile this morning. You'll have to be sneaky.
5:47:24 PM Holly: I believe in you. Do it for freedom.
5:48:08 PM Holly: Also, he has a girlfriend, but that's so infinitesimal an obstacle to you that I didn't think to mention it at the outset.
5:48:10 PM Joy: oh. my. god.
5:48:12 PM Joy: this is incredible.
5:48:21 PM Joy: the possibilities suddenly given to me.
5:48:43 PM Holly: Go forth, my child. Be fruitful and fornicate.
5:49:42 PM Joy: yeeeeeees. yes yes yes.
5:49:51 PM Holly: Exactly.
5:52:13 PM Holly: Seriously, poor kid.
5:52:48 PM Holly: Daddy's gonna make this an uncomfy semester for him.
5:52:56 PM Joy: HOLY SHIT
5:52:57 PM Joy: google him
5:53:02 PM Joy: he lives in the LOSER COLLEGE
5:53:07 PM Holly: Monroe?
5:53:12 PM Joy: the WEIRD PERSON college
5:53:12 PM Joy: Brown
5:53:31 PM Holly: Well, shouldn't be too hard for you to get close, then.
5:53:35 PM Joy: bwahahahaha
5:53:49 PM Joy: and I have his phoooone number!
5:54:08 PM Holly: Get close to this guy. Can you imagine you, me, and Joan being TWO DEGREES of influence from the Supreme Court?
5:53:55 PM Joy: WOW
5:54:02 PM Joy: he has somehow managed to take down his Web WhoIs
5:54:13 PM Joy: which is like your entry on the UVa website with your email and your name
5:54:19 PM Joy: YOU CAN'T TAKE IT DOWN
5:54:22 PM Joy: it's' not POSSIBLE
5:54:32 PM Holly: The WEBMASTER AT UVA doesn't know how it got taken down.
5:54:37 PM Joy: this is incredible.
5:54:48 PM Joy: how do I get close to him without making my agenda immediately apparent?
5:55:05 PM Holly: Pretend you don't know who he is.
5:55:21 PM Holly: Find out where he hangs out, and hit it up.
5:55:31 PM Holly: Then spring your trap.
5:55:32 PM Joy: I'm on it.
5:55:34 PM Joy: I'm so on it.
5:55:39 PM Holly: (*"trap" = "cervix")
5:58:47 PM Joy: I'm on it.
5:58:49 PM Holly: Awesome.
5:58:57 PM Joy: this is going to be tricky.
5:58:58 PM Holly: Yes.
5:59:05 PM Holly: kisskiss
5:59:18 PM Joy: kisskiss

[The next morning:]
10:30:49 AM Holly: NEWER EVEN WORSE IDEA.
10:31:00 AM Holly: For after the sex.
10:31:17 AM Holly: Fake, public pregnancy.
10:31:38 AM Holly: THEN we'll see what the Judge thinks of Roe.
10:32:57 AM Joy: oh god.
10:33:09 AM Holly: We're gonna be famous!!
10:33:52 AM Holly: It's like you're Jesus Christ, and I'm proud Mary pulling the strings. (I wasn't a virgin either.)
10:34:18 AM Joy: you have absolutely no qualms about forcing me to have sex for your political gain, do you
10:34:35 AM Holly: I'm kind of insulted you feel the need to ask.
10:34:41 AM Holly: OUR political gain.
10:35:17 AM Holly: And not the royal we, either. You're the Imperial Incubator!! (Incubatress??) It's an honored position. Ask Katie Holmes.
10:38:06 AM Joy: owwwch I just got compared to Katie Holmes
10:38:07 AM Joy: I quit
10:40:22 AM Holly: You can't quit. Not until you've got son-of-SCOTUS sperm embedded in your (very pretty) uterine wall.
10:42:19 AM Joy: ahhhhhhhh
10:42:31 AM Joy: THE LINE THE LINE
10:42:33 AM Holly: What? It's natural.
10:42:41 AM Holly: What line?
10:42:46 AM Holly: Oh. The one behind me?
10:42:47 AM Joy: THE ONE BEHIND YOU
10:43:21 AM Holly: Yesterday I compared your cervix to a bear trap. I thought I was safe.
10:45:19 AM Joy: it's true ...
10:45:59 AM Holly: Venus flytrap?

[A couple weeks later:]
7:19:35 PM Holly: I heard Affleck's moving to Charlottesville. If you haven't slept with Alito's kid, do it, bc you'll need to move on quickly. When 'fleck decides he wants to run for Senator we'll need the skeleton to already be in the closet.
7:19:39 PM Holly: So to speak.
7:19:46 PM Holly: (*"skeleton" = "fetus")

You're kidding.....right?

Posted by Nastinchka at December 12, 2005 11:40 PM