Snarkastic

What hasn't Brady done? Hmm, let's see:
Win a national championship?
Go to a national championship?
Win a bowl game?
Win a conference title?
Win a Heisman?

I understand that you come from Notre Dame, and no doubt feel absolutely entitled to have the world handed to you on a silver platter on sheer merit of your pedigree and thick brunette locks, but don't set me up with such an easy and obvious way to totally deflate your ego. This is not to diminish your accomplishments: you are, after all, the MSNBC.com MVP of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, and we all know the prestige that an award like that carries.

Bottom line? You're a good quarterback, but you're not a leader, and you should not do anything to invite comparison between your resume and that of Jamarcus Russell. Actually, you know who you increasingly remind me of? Tim Couch, another great QB with amazing statistics who never won any of the big important things. The difference is that Couch never had an attitude about it, and even that didn't save him.

Not to scorch the earth right away by resorting to a Linda Ronstadt joke, but: Brady Quinn has never ridden through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in his hair.

The thing that confuses Brady Quinn the most is that no matter how many times he kisses the Blarney Stone, it never kisses him back.

Brady Quinn never admitted that he played this stinking city like a harp from hell.

Brady Quinn never promised that his personal tragedy would not interfere with his ability to do good hair.

Brady Quinn never meant that much to you
To hear that tears him up inside
And to see you cuts him like a knife
I guess
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Brady Quinn has never danced with the devil by the pale moonlight.

Brady Quinn never wasted his time arguing with a man who's lining up to be a hot lunch.

Brady Quinn never did anything but want to make love to an angry welder. He's dreamed of nothing else since he was a small boy.

Brady Quinn is never gonna wait for Wadsworth to unmask him. He works for the State Department, and he's a homosexual.

Brady Quin wasn't a wolverine.

brady quinn has never done me. yeah i went there.

Brady Quinn has never made desperate love to a schoolboy...wait, the jury might be out on that one.

You know its going to be a rough road ahead when people are blasting you for never winning a conference title despite not being in a conference.

Brady Quinn has never scored on Marty Broduer

I think it's important to point out that my blasting him for not winning a conference championship was not made out of ignorance--I'm from the SEC, and we know that Notre Dame cheats its way through life without playing in a conference--but rather as a snide judgment on Quinn for failing to play on a real team that actually earns its bowl berth by its conference play record and conference championship. I should have clarified.