Snarkastic

Umm, it just got really dark outside and...let's see, I only see three horsemen. Wait. Scratch that. The fourth stopped for an appletini, but he's definitely there, just a little behind.

I'm sorry, but no matter how many times I see it, it just really bothers me when animals wear fur.

Aww. I sometimes send myself mail when I'm lonely too.

I'm guessing you get bulk rates at the post office.

You're lonely a lot aren't you?

Does your Mommy still open it or do you have your own 'big boy' mailbox on the post under hers?

I'm starting to think the 21 seed was being generous.

You know what I really like? When you remark about folks on the internets not knowing you at all and one of them steps right up and proves your point. Isn't that fun?

Hey guys, what'd I miss?

A sock monkey flight attendant is disconcerting, but this is terrifying: http://www.midwayvillage.com/default.asp?page=upcomingevents&nav=upcomingevents&neventid=9

SWEET HELL, I'll never sleep now. Those dead staring eyes...

Sorry. If it make you feel any better, I'm afraid of the sock monkey night terrors now as well. Oh well, at least "Gilda" is on. Ugh.

Like a doll's eyes--oh.

Your mom is legally (if not criminally) insane, and I could not love her more. I'll never forget the zebra-print, marabou-rimmed beer cozies she gave us. Truly, she is a gift. Also, NO ONE TOLD ME THEY WERE MAKING A SEQUEL TO NATIONAL TREASURE. We are calling Wheeler and scheduling this immediately.

WILL YOU FREAKING CALL ME ALREADY. Baaaeeyyyyill is down with Moroccan death sinus infection. Pick me up at the airport tomorrow night?

Also, weren't the cozies (mine was polka-dotted) full of edible lip gloss? Was that the same year?

Ah. Quint. Yes. "Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies . . ."

*Light bulb* - Sock Monkey Beer Cozies! You're welcome, just send me 25% of the profits.

Cozies with TAILS!! With their gaping bloody maws as the openings for the cans? What could possibly go wrong?

Nothing as far as I can see. Although you may want to include a "ONLY CONSUME 1 BEER/15 lbs. OF BODY WEIGHT WITH THE AID OF THIS COZIE, AS THE USE OF THIS PRODUCT HAS CAUSED PARANOID DEMENTIA IN SOME CASES" warning just to avoid frivolous lawsuits. First release: Regular Sock Monkey Cozie. Second release: Sock Monkey Cozie wearing edible lip gloss - perfect for bachelor parties!

Oh, fuck.

Kevin, darlin', there's no easy way to say this, so--you drew that Kentucky guy for the third round. The one that just took out Will. If you've got an army of loyal readers handy, now might be the time to bring them out.

Uh, it's not an army per se, more of a village militia. I don't foresee defeating the followers of Adolph Rupp, but I'm reading some Dylan Thomas for courage. *On bended knee* - Will you finally give me your endorsement?

Gladly:

Team Kevin!!

Excellent! Thank you - if you ever need anything (like someone to brush your gorgeous auburn locks for example), let me know.

And somewhere in the Southland, Holly's swooning, which is not as graceful as it sounds.

I'm all right...kinda.