Snarkastic

Oh my god, it's all so clear now....

(brilliant)

That is equal parts awesome and (...ohgodIhatepetecarrolIcannotkeepitinside) HILARIOUS! It's so true.

"Great Humanitarian" argument in 5...4....3...2...

You angels.

Argument? Can't I just loathe USC with an all-consuming, irrational hatred without being called on it? Because I really don't have any good reasons. It's just instinct and disgust at excellence.

You mean he isn't like Jesus and Oprah rolled together? And then deep fried and served on a sesame seed bun?

All my reasons for hating them are geographic. It's not the best argument.

That equation's about right, I suppose.

Barstoolio - there's really no better hate than irrational hate.

Exactly, hate is an emotion. It needs no argument, basis, or even a reason. That's why it's so popular!

Also, Pete Carroll took a shit, and it looked like Mt Rushmore, but it had the faces of Bobby Bowden, Bear Bryant, JoePa, and, well, Pete Carroll. And it was made of platinum.

I would gladly blow that mountain up. Add HEED, and it's a hill of my hatred (this sentence brought to you by the letter H).

What better initial to stand for all that is good and haterate-y than mine?

Also: Pete Carroll is served flame-broiled, over only the finest charcoal.

I think he's topped off by hand with one of those little creme brulee flame guns.

A thousand pardons madam, I just assumed he would be southern fried.

We can fry everything, but that doesn't mean everything deserves it.

I'll never understand you southern women. I'm ok with that; where would the fun be otherwise.

Pete Carroll, food-wise, would probably be the personified best as California cuisine. He is served with a dollop of creme fraiche.

I'm not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing.

I would like to answer that question in Laff Riot form.

This isn't so much criticism as it is peer revue, but: Shouldn't there also be a douchebag on the left side of the equation?

*forehead smack* Math is HARD, y'all.

Roy - I'm not sure if there is a female equivalent term for douchebag, or if women can be douchebags (I've never heard one addressed as such), but Oprah would count in my book.

Carrol = 100% anus beef. Definitely not worth the effort to deep fry.

I bet that you could deep fry Pete Carroll if you had previously rendered Charlie Weis for the fryer contents. I suspect that many people would endorse that.

Of course Pete would simply levitate out of the fryer on a wave of positive energy, so you'd have melted down Charlie Weis for nothing.

I am totally fine with this.

Also, why have you got the Oregon State coach joining Elvis and Oprah? I don't think that Pete Carroll's ever been accused of animal husbandry, so to speak.

I don't think that Pete Carroll's ever been accused of animal husbandry, so to speak.

Clearly you don't frequent BruinsNation.com.

Not any more. They remind me of the guy who once offered to wash my car for $25 bucks and insisted on telling me about his alien abduction experience 5 times - except he was pleasant.