Snarkastic

Laff Riot 44: Drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and fight

1:46:00 PM Livia: I'm mailing you your blue dance pants
1:46:03 PM Nastinchka: No, I found the pants
1:46:08 PM Nastinchka: Didn't I tell you?
1:46:11 PM Livia: NO
1:46:13 PM Nastinchka: So whatever pants you have
1:46:14 PM Livia: THEN WHOSE PANTS ARE THESE
1:46:16 PM Nastinchka: Those are not mine
1:46:19 PM Nastinchka: I don't know!!
1:46:20 PM Livia: OH GOD
1:46:24 PM Livia: IM WEARING THEM NOW
1:46:25 PM Nastinchka: But I found the pants
1:46:26 PM Livia: GET THEM OFF ME


2:01:19 PM Nastinchka: Jim Webb's doing the rebuttal speech to the State of the Union.
2:01:24 PM Nastinchka: Outstanding.
2:02:09 PM Nastinchka: Nancy Pelosi will be sitting behind the President the whole time.
2:02:12 PM Nastinchka: Outstandinger.
2:02:24 PM 'Bus: She'll give him bunny ears.
2:02:31 PM Nastinchka: If. Only.
2:02:46 PM 'Bus: Or maybe she'll just spend the whole time reading Cosmo.
2:03:14 PM 'Bus: Or on her cell phone?
2:03:22 PM Nastinchka: Filing her nails
2:03:28 PM Nastinchka: and flicking the bits at him.
2:03:45 PM Nastinchka: Trying to get an orange peel off in one piece.
2:06:12 PM 'Bus: Eating rats with a cloth napkin tucked into her shirt?
2:06:49 PM Nastinchka: Building a scale model of the Capitol out of popsicle sticks
2:06:53 PM Nastinchka: And lighting it on fire
2:07:13 PM 'Bus: Voodoo doll with a big 'W'?
2:07:26 PM Nastinchka: I was JUST thinking we were missing the obvious tack.
2:08:00 PM Nastinchka: can't you, no joke, actually picture her staring unblinking at him for 45 minutes, slowly jabbing pins in? And I picture a Yale sweater on the doll.
2:08:03 PM 'Bus: An applause sign with the word 'Liar' underneath.
2:08:13 PM 'Bus: No, I have it. She's playing the State of the Union drinking game.
2:09:06 PM 'Bus: "We're winning the war in Iraq." She grimaces and tilts back the bottle of Colt 45.
2:09:40 PM Nastinchka: She holds up a series of ping-pong paddles with responsive phrases on them
2:09:50 PM Nastinchka: First among them being "YOU ARE FROM CONNECTICUT."

2:26:36 PM 'Box: from the NYtimes, regarding the death of Turkmenistan's dictator:
2:26:37 PM 'Box: He banned video games, gold teeth, opera and ballet, and once encouraged his people to chew on bones ? good, he said, for their teeth.
2:26:47 PM 'Box: man, I want to rule a country
2:29:01 PM Nastinchka: You chew on plenty of bones your own self.
2:29:19 PM 'Box: heh, yeah, but I can't make it national law
2:31:46 PM Nastinchka: Give Harlowe/Moran some time.
2:32:00 PM Nastinchka: ("Some Time = "Your Kittens")

9:52:59 PM Livia: its really not the holidays until you and i are cocooned in a web of venomous vitriol, hissing and spitting at those who would defy us.
9:53:42 PM Nastinchka: Should I tell my mom you two are staying the night? She'll want to make the bed, not knowing what evils are about to be unleashed thereon.

12:51:46 PM Bobo: Obama/Ellison. CafePress. You. Go.
12:52:35 PM Nastinchka: I'll make them ringer shirts, too, so when the general public realizes that neither of them is anywhere near prepared enough to be President, it'll look like we're wearing them ironically.
12:53:01 PM Bobo: But it'll be sincere irony.

2:52:08 PM Nastinchka: I don't mind the screaming, but if he pops a forehead vein, blood might get on my Christmas sweater.

2:13:12 PM 'Hunter Grayson: by the way. movie on the plane?
2:13:39 PM 'Hunter Grayson: which i could not bear to watch for very long because hysterical laughter would disturb the flight.
2:13:48 PM 'Hunter Grayson: three words: "starring toby keith."
2:14:16 PM Nastinchka: That fucking thing about the horse?
2:14:24 PM Nastinchka: Or Hot Buttered Cowboyzz 6?
2:14:32 PM 'Hunter Grayson: no, even better. "broken bridges."
2:14:39 PM Nastinchka: That's what I meant.
2:14:41 PM 'Hunter Grayson: a feature film presented by CMT films.
2:14:42 PM Nastinchka: There's not a horse in that?
2:14:48 PM 'Hunter Grayson: not that i recall.
2:14:52 PM Nastinchka: The ads ran all during foobaw season.
2:15:22 PM 'Hunter Grayson: but kelly preston, completely botoxed, says the words "what are you trying to do, break all 10 commandments in one night!?" in the first act.

4:49:50 PM Nastinchka: I didn't notice, because I was staring at the monitor
4:50:01 PM Nastinchka: And I thought there was a giant insect on my face, instead of a lock of hair.
4:50:06 PM Bobo: *bites lower lip*
4:50:10 PM Nastinchka: And I yelled, a lot.
4:50:19 PM Nastinchka: I'm so glad I have my own bay today.
4:50:45 PM Bobo: And yet, you share your embarrassment with me through narrative.
4:50:54 PM Bobo: It's like you're here in person.
4:51:03 PM Nastinchka: I do what I can.
4:51:17 PM Nastinchka: I'm a giver.
4:51:30 PM Bobo: ...
4:51:42 PM Nastinchka: I forgot the part where I hit myself in the face
4:51:54 PM Bobo: It was sufficiently implied.
4:51:56 PM Nastinchka: That really adds drama.
4:52:19 PM Bobo: I took Play Analysis. I can extract subtext.
4:52:39 PM Nastinchka: Or is that inference? I can never remember.
4:52:58 PM Bobo: Maybe you foreshadowed, and forgot the follow-through.
4:53:07 PM Nastinchka: It's happened to better.
4:53:25 PM Bobo: "Honey, everyone can see that your shotgun is still on the mantle."
4:53:57 PM Bobo: "You're embarrassing the staff."

12:34:34 PM Allais I seriously don't understand why a civilization that can bring about the iPhone can't breed permanent kittens
12:35:29 PM Nastinchka: they can clone animals
12:35:34 PM Nastinchka: and breed miniature ponies
12:35:38 PM Nastinchka: and miniature dogs
12:35:39 PM Allais I want a tiny misproportioned cat, dammit!
12:35:48 PM Allais they keep making them bigger!

1:34:52 PM 'Box: which is weird, because he used to wear those funhouse mirrors for shirts
1:35:07 PM Nastinchka: I always thought they were to ward off predators.
1:35:22 PM 'Box: like badgers
1:35:26 PM Nastinchka: Like how my grandpa useed to hang little mirrors in the cornfield to frighten birds.
1:35:31 PM 'Box: umm, well, I think both would take some effort
1:35:35 PM Nastinchka: .....IT WAS TO KEEP BIRDS FROM NESTING IN HIS PONYTAIL
1:35:39 PM Nastinchka: IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

6:25:03 PM Chuckles: God...you and Shane....LA really does make people assholes.
6:25:08 PM Nastinchka: Also, at what point did we cross the line in our friendship where I can get away with saying "kisses!" to you?

I don't even know you anymore:
1:22:05 AM 'Bus: I've been playing Guitar Hero after a long night of drinking
1:22:13 AM Nastinchka: HAHAHAHAHA
1:22:14 AM 'Bus: I set it up with a projector in my room.
1:22:22 AM Nastinchka: I'm going to bed treasuring that visual.
1:22:25 AM 'Bus: And hooked it up to my kickass computer speakers.
1:22:40 AM 'Bus: And then 'the guys' and I drank some more and rocked out.
1:22:49 AM 'Bus: But now my head is spinning, so I'm going to crash.
1:22:58 AM 'Bus: I have football to watch tomorrow.

2:34:41 PM Nastinchka: Also, Charlie says I've rated more movies than you on Netflix.
2:34:48 PM Nastinchka: I find this unsettling. Do catch up.
2:34:55 PM 'Box: but it doesn't mean that you've seen more movies than me. I will catch up
2:35:04 PM Nastinchka: Sure it does.
2:35:11 PM 'Box: (see, I'm freakishly competitive)
2:35:14 PM Nastinchka: I know.
2:35:16 PM Nastinchka: I'm counting on it.
2:35:17 PM 'Box: I'M FREAKISHLY COMPETITIVE
2:35:29 PM Nastinchka: WE KNOW.
2:35:36 PM 'Box: ok
2:35:44 PM Nastinchka: Now if only you backed it up with some sort of skill set.
2:35:50 PM 'Box: hey
2:35:57 PM 'Box: I gots skills
2:43:32 PM Nastinchka: Are you not talking to me because you're frantically rating more movies? You are, aren't you?
2:43:42 PM 'Box: I was until it stopped loading
2:44:00 PM Nastinchka: It only counts if you've seen the movies.
2:44:05 PM 'Box: I HAVE
2:44:29 PM Nastinchka: ANd it's ok that I've seen more than you.
2:44:47 PM 'Box: still not determined
2:44:55 PM Nastinchka: You're weakening.
2:45:00 PM 'Box: Ah! it returned
2:45:23 PM Nastinchka: It's not a race, jesse.
2:45:40 PM 'Box: heh
3:05:43 PM Nastinchka: I am so titling my next post I Have Seen More Movies Than Jesse.
3:05:56 PM 'Box: still rating
3:06:03 PM Nastinchka: It's not a race. Except I'm winning.
3:06:15 PM Nastinchka: And it's ok that you haven't seen as many movies as me.
3:06:24 PM Nastinchka: ...even though I didn't own a tv until college.
3:06:47 PM 'Box: STOP IT
3:06:55 PM 'Box: still undetermined
3:07:03 PM Nastinchka: I'm just saying, don't feel bad.
3:07:18 PM 'Box: it's not about feeling bad
3:07:35 PM Nastinchka: Course not.

10:57:02 AM Chuckles: Must be a woman thing. The two of you certainly talked a lot the other night.
10:57:55 AM Nastinchka: I was stuck in traffic. He entertained me.
10:59:56 AM Chuckles: That's what I figured. I can't stand hearing my own voice for more than a couple of minutes.
11:00:11 AM Nastinchka: Well, that makes...all of us. ZING!!
11:01:10 AM Chuckles: That was so not zing-worthy.
11:01:15 AM Nastinchka: But true.
11:01:45 AM Chuckles: Funny. I thought the truth was supposed to hurt.
11:02:12 AM Nastinchka: Not if you don't have feelings.
11:03:53 AM Chuckles: Hey, I have feelings. Just kuz I'm a stoic doesn't mean they aren't there.
11:04:00 AM Chuckles: Hath not a Bastard eyes?
11:04:12 AM Nastinchka: And hath he not delicious bastard filling?
11:05:13 AM Chuckles: Only if you open them.

3:50:12 PM Nastinchka: Ok, so I must have caught him at a weak moment last night
3:50:21 PM Nastinchka: because not ONLY did I get the apologetic voicemail
3:50:29 PM Nastinchka: and a call this morning to keep me company on the commute
3:50:40 PM Nastinchka: but I got a second call at lunch to let me know he got there
3:50:54 PM Nastinchka: and an email just now from a coffee shop letting me know how pretty I am.
3:50:55 PM Princess PrettyPants: omg! what if he calls you this weekend too
3:51:16 PM Nastinchka: If he calls me at ANY point before he gets back I'll just fall over with my legs in the air
3:51:47 PM Princess PrettyPants: yeah like thats out of the ordinary
3:52:01 PM Princess PrettyPants: you with your legs up
3:52:13 PM Nastinchka: Says YOU?? AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
3:53:01 PM Princess PrettyPants: hey we arent talking about me right now thank you!
3:52:04 PM Nastinchka: So either i hit his heretofore undiscovered soft underbelly with my passive aggressive voicemissile, or he's done something truly awful.
3:53:07 PM Princess PrettyPants: voicemissile
3:53:09 PM Princess PrettyPants: i like it
3:53:30 PM Princess PrettyPants: i think maybe hes 1/3 human 2/3 robot
3:53:43 PM Princess PrettyPants: as opposed to being only 1/4 human
3:54:57 PM Nastinchka: Awww. That's the nicest thing i think anyone's ever said about him, including me.

I suppose we're about to find out:
9:17:18 PM Livia: deathly hallows? nice, rowling. nice.
9:35:03 PM Nastinchka: I like it because I have A Theory.
9:35:17 PM Livia: ??
9:35:28 PM Nastinchka: I think Harry has to go through the veil somehow, and whatever's back there is called the Deathly Hallows, and that means SIRIUS WILL BE THERE I LOVE HIM
9:35:36 PM Nastinchka: So I'll hang onto that.
9:35:41 PM Livia: HAHAHA I KNEW it would be about Sirius
9:35:47 PM Nastinchka: Have we MET?
9:35:46 PM Livia: That would be AWESOME.
9:37:18 PM Livia: Let's not cast aside Sean's earlier theory that the first ten pages of the book will be harry destroying voldemort, and then there will be a one-page pamphlet stating that twenty years later, voldemort returned and slaughtered harry, ron, hermione, ginny, and their children, then the remaining 600 pages will be blank.

5:47:22 PM Nastinchka: Hey, I had a question for you
5:47:32 PM Nastinchka: by "I'm backing out of the CIA interview"
5:47:51 PM Nastinchka: you meant "I've already been recruited for special ops and this is the beginning of my deception", right?
5:49:38 PM Nastinchka: .....oh my god, they just came for you, didn't they?
5:52:10 PM 'Bus: Heh
5:52:16 PM 'Bus: I don't think that they work like that
5:52:37 PM 'Bus: I think I get a lame job in the state department most times.
5:53:26 PM Nastinchka: ...sure, "Nick".
5:53:35 PM Nastinchka: Enjoy your "think tank fellowship".
5:53:49 PM Nastinchka: we should give you a proof of life question.
5:54:24 PM 'Bus: ?
5:55:18 PM Nastinchka: In case you get kidnapped and I need to pay ransom
5:55:30 PM Nastinchka: We decide on a secret question that only you would know the answer to
5:55:37 PM 'Bus: I don't think it works like that, either.
5:55:41 PM Nastinchka: and your kidnappers have to give me the answer before I pay to get you back.
5:56:08 PM 'Bus: I think the CIA either leaves me to rot or negotiates a prisoner exchange or brings someone in with a briefcase of cash.
5:56:29 PM Nastinchka: Yeah, that's my point. They aren't going to pay your ransom.
5:56:39 PM Nastinchka: And I'll be famous by the time you're important enough to be a target.
5:57:23 PM Nastinchka: And honestly, who else has put up with that much of your shit and still harbors (very slight, very grudging) goodwill towards you?
5:57:24 PM 'Bus: Remind me not to mention it to you when I apply to the CIA seriously.
5:59:01 PM Nastinchka: Whatevs. Be nice, or I'll leave you to rot in Syria.

4:35:20 PM Livia: at the moment, its bafftime
4:35:39 PM Nastinchka: (I can't help what's about to happen)
4:35:44 PM Nastinchka: lovemaduckie you're the one
4:35:48 PM Livia: YES YOU CAN
4:35:54 PM Nastinchka: you make bafftime lots of fun
4:35:56 PM Livia: ...too late.
4:36:02 PM Nastinchka: lovemaduckie i'm awf'ly fond of shmoo
4:36:07 PM Nastinchka: (boo boo bee doo)
4:36:10 PM Livia: (stony silence)
4:36:19 PM Nastinchka: *backing out of the room, hands over head*
4:36:34 PM Livia: keep moving.
4:36:53 PM Nastinchka: *scampers like wounded deer, dodging lightning bolts and harpoons*
4:37:01 PM Nastinchka: (I am apparently a sea-deer)
4:37:14 PM Livia: it could have been worse; you could have devolved into the summer of 2004 shakespearean bathtime abomination. that being said, toodles.

I don't even know:
12:18:03 PM Nastinchka: I have chlorine poisoning. Entertain me.

8:59:15 PM Princess PrettyPants: at the risk of being horrendously vulgar
8:59:30 PM Princess PrettyPants: i would know better had it actually been you know... in me
9:00:45 PM Princess PrettyPants: stop seixing
9:00:50 PM Princess PrettyPants: seizing
9:00:57 PM Nastinchka: Why start worrying about vulgarity NOW?
9:00:59 PM Princess PrettyPants: unfortunate typo
9:01:10 PM Princess PrettyPants: indeed. little miss balls deep
9:01:22 PM Nastinchka: I'm calling you that from now on.
9:02:19 PM Nastinchka: Balls Deep In Princess Prettypants. I can see it now.
9:02:23 PM Nastinchka: Unfortunately.
9:02:33 PM Princess PrettyPants: NO! I AM PRINCESS PRETTYPANTS! i will not be replaced with balls deep
9:02:46 PM Nastinchka: You started this.
9:02:50 PM Princess PrettyPants: i cant see it. i would like to have seen it.
9:02:57 PM Princess PrettyPants: who doesnt want to sleep with me?
9:03:03 PM Nastinchka: You made your bed, now you have to eat your cock.
9:03:13 PM Nastinchka: It's a small population, to be sure.
9:04:08 PM Nastinchka: now you stop seizing.
9:04:11 PM Princess PrettyPants: LOLOLOLOLOL
9:04:20 PM Princess PrettyPants: pleeeeeeeeeeease post this
9:05:12 PM Nastinchka: NO
9:05:23 PM Nastinchka: ...maybe.
9:06:15 PM Princess PrettyPants: i think you have an obligation to the people to say you made your bed now eat your cock
9:06:42 PM Nastinchka: I'll think about it.
9:07:50 PM Princess PrettyPants: you are doing it right now arent you?
9:07:52 PM Princess PrettyPants: you are

Posted by Nastinchka at July 16, 2007 07:27 PM