August 25, 2007
A Very Special Laff Riot.
So a week ago, this happened, and while we're pretty pleased with ourselves in general we also feel we did a bang-up job of keeping folks entertained over one of the very most boringest sports weekends of the summer.
Sadly, one of the gentlemen we were filling in for did not agree [emphasis added, for spite]:
From: M___ S______ [weekend editor who makes us miss MJD the most redacted]
Date: Aug 18, 2007 5:14 PM
Subject:
To: "Ladies ..."
I hope I'm not too blunt here, I was disappointed in the quality of the
posts you offered up today on Deadspin. There just didn't seem to be a lot
of substance to a good number of them, as well as a few too many grammatical
errors than I like to see. I don't know if it was simply spotlight jitters
or the fact that you were trying to adapt to different format than your
normal, organized, well-executed collaborative effort we have seen in the
past (see: Ladies Day on KSK Takeover). Maybe tomorrow will be better, with
the first day out of the way, then you can hunt 'n peck out of your mind.
(See: Detroit Tigers in the ALDS vs. NY Yankees last year)
But in all I applaud the effort, it's an incredibly demanding and exhausting
writing gig, you didn't back down and quit, and simply being asked by Will
to run the site for the weekend is honor enough and proof of what you've
accomplished as a group so far. And personally, on behalf of the other
weekend editors I appreciate you keeping the place warm while none of us
three were able to patrol both Saturday and Sunday.
S___
Spoken like a 22 seed in the Blogger Bracket, right? We thought so too:
HOLLY: To Do: Your weekend of sleeping in a racecar bed.
METSY: What you missed while waxing your unibrow...
ANDREA: What you missed while polishing your telephoto lens.....
TSW: What to watch as you figure out even more animated gifs...
HOLLY: Blogdome: Are you There, God? It's Me, Manchild.
TSW: The Daily Closer: Not knowing what that last word means.
HOLLY: What to watch as you cackle at the meta awesomeness of CRASHING DUAN WHILE AT THE WHEEL OF DEADSPIN I CAST A SPELL!
ANDREA: We Have to Ask: How's the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome?
HOLLY: We have to ask: What's happening to my body, Dad?
TSW: What you missed through the haze of smug...
HOLLY: What you missed while folding your pleated Dockers...
HOLLY: We have to ask: PB & J: Triangles or squares?
ANDREA: To Watch Tonight: The Scrambled Porn, looking for a breast
HOLLY: To Watch Tonight: Rubbing one out to David The Gnome
SA: What you missed while being picked last for kickball.
HOLLY: We Have To Ask: MOOOOOOOM, what's the Net Nanny password?
ANDREA: Blogdome:
My Favorite Martha Stewart Living Episodes [www.futonreport.net]
HTML for People Way Smarter than You [www.futonreport.net]
Pop Culture References No One Will Get [www.futonreport.net]
My Girlfriend, Who Lives in Canada [www.futonreport.net]
HOLLY: We Have to Ask: You don't know her; she goes to another school!
TSW: What to watch as you plan your next trip to Niagara Falls...
HOLLY: We have to ask: Velcro strap high top Reeboks: Black or white?
TSW: What you missed when while crafting your next clever "joke".
HOLLY: The Daily Closer: Second Base, Unattainable.
HOLLY: Week In Review:
I Have To Wash My Hair [www.snarkastic.com]
My Grandmother Died. No, Um, the other one [andreasatrium.wordpress.com]
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA---Oh, really? Oh. Uh. I have a boyfriend. [keepyourreceipt.blogspot.com]
Not If You Were The Last Man On Earth [stopkillingentourage.typepad.com]
J-MONEY: We Have to Ask: Sweat-Wicking Underwear is a Turn On, Right?
ANDREA: I Actually Have to Ask: What in the hell is sweat-wicking underwear?
HOLLY: About Last Night: We're Just Not That Into You.
J-MONEY: I think Under Armour makes them... they're underwear but composed of that wicking fabric so his daddy parts stay dry enough for Steinbeck to write about them, even though his groin is actually a fountain of sweat.
ANDREA: Uhhhhhhh.......sweet. Click clack?
J-MONEY: Yeah. Not exactly my idea of sexy. Or hygienic, really.
[several minutes pass]
HOLLY: The use of "S___" and "underwear" in one line...as if a million ovaries suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.
TSW: Remember that birth control discussion we had? Yeah. I'm good now.
Posted by Nastinchka at August 25, 2007 10:07 AM
We're missing a few great lines that were redacted, but this still makes me giggle.
Suggested Chat Questions: Is it possible to undo legs that have spontaneously and permanently crossed in repulsion and disgust?
That e-mail is truly the loseriest thing I've ever seen on the internet, and that is saying a lot.
What to Watch while mommy finds rubber ducky and prepares your bubble bath.
We Have to Ask: These footie pajamas make me look sexy right?
What You Missed while taking your cousin to the prom.
To: Will Leitch
I hope I'm not too blunt here, I was disappointed in the quality of the weekend editor you offered up today on Deadspin. There just didn't seem to be a lot of humor to a good number of them, as well as (off-site) more blatant jealousy and petulance than I like to see outside of a junior high girls' locker room. I don't know if it was simply not having enough time to have examined his comments for worth or the fact that you were trying to quickly solve a lack of writers for your normally organized, well-executed blog like we've seen in the past (see: the last two years with MJD, other weekend editors). Maybe tomorrow will be better, with the first day out of the way, then you can try to find someone who's actually entertaining and socially adequate all you want. (See: almost any commenter who is actually funny)
But in all I applaud the effort, it's an incredibly demanding and exhausting writing gig, you didn't let him go despite his inferiority to the Ladies..., and simply being too busy to know better than to choose him in the first place is proof of what you've accomplished so far. And personally, on behalf of the readers I appreciate you hiring two other weekend editors who are good, and guest writers who were very funny and entertaining and who happened to be women.
________
We have to ask: Is this the powder you usually use on my bottom mommy?
What to watch while hoping Mom doesn't find the dirty magazines under the mattress...
Dear Ladies,
You make fun of my son for living at home, but we don't treat him like we did when he was in high school. He's allowed to stay up until 10:00 now, which is plenty late to get his last Saturday and Sunday night posts up.
Moreover, his father doesn't even turn on the night light any more, and he hasn't crawled into bed to sleep with us in over six months.
As for the letter he wrote you? Well, that's just a fucking embarrassment. Douchebag Magoo. Take your medicine, son.
Holly, your only response should be "Is this gonna be a dry party?"....good times.
What a pussy. What a small-peniled fucking pussy.
Can we start an overrated chant for his 22 seed?
The gentleman from Texas makes an excellent point, even as a 22 seed he was overrated. Oh, that's right he whined about that too.
What are you girls, 12 years old? Maybe instead of working so hard on your bitchy comeback you should have actually tried to make your Deadspin stuff better.
A new comment has been posted on your blog Snarkastic, on entry #1258 (A
Very Special Laff Riot.).
http://www.snarkastic.com/archives/001258.html
IP Address: 72.240.249.69
Name: Harry
Email Address: harry@yahoo.com
OrgName: Buckeye Cablevision, Inc.
OrgID: BUCKEY-4
Address: 5566 Southwyck Blvd.
City: Toledo
StateProv: OH
PostalCode: 43614
Country: US
Huh.
Did somebody's mommy let them stay up and see one of my movies last night? Should know that they aren't meant for impressionable young minds like yours. Maybe you should ask her to put one of your Barney DVDs in tonight, see if she has one about playing well with others.
So it can be dished out, but not taken. Huh.
I'm not sure what's worse, that the condescending egotistical jackass who wrote that had to rush here to defend himself; or that he whined about it to somebody else who is just as big a condescending egotistical jackass who had to run here and defend him instead of telling him to grow the fuck up and learn to treat others, especially women, with more respect.
I've remained silent on this all weekend but since "Harry" stepped in on S____' behalf to insult Holly, and the Ladies..., I thought it was time I said something. I (regrettably) read his note twice. The first time, I was shocked that someone so clearly frozen in a state of post-adolescent arrested development would even attempt to critique a group of talented successful women. This is a guy who sleeps on Cowboy sheets and adds YooHoo to Mommy's grocery list. The misogyny and disrespect he showed towards women was troubling. Upon my second reading, I looked at it clinically, and couldn't help but notice his use of the phrases "spotlight jitters", "incredibly demanding and exhausting writing gig", and "back down and quit". That's called psychological projection, whereby one "projects" their own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto someone else. See, S____ knows he can't do the job he so desires. He genuinely tries to "be" Will, but he can't. This fills him with anxiety, much like the mysterious and frightening rear-fastening brassiere he's heard about. He can't face the fact that he's without the warmth or personality to have an actual sense of humor required to do the Deadspin gig, so he desperately tried to hang his insecurities on the Ladies... While his words are mean-spirited, the person behind them is harmless, toothless, and pathetic.
On a professional level, if I'm Will or one of the other weekend guys, I'm not happy to have S___ speaking for me in an unwarranted, unprofessional, misogynistic fashion. He's not a commenter, he's an employee of G_____ Media, and I'm thinking this is not the way they want to be represented. Again, that is me speaking from the professional angle, not personal. My personal feelings for Holly, the Ladies..., or S___ have nothing to do with it. This is exactly the kind of office memo that gets people fired.
Sincerely,
JebusHChrist
You stay classy, "Harry."
I can see the condescension in the original e-mail dripping out of my screen. Where's the Windex?
No one---NO ONE--TALKS TO MY HETERO LIFE PARTNER LIKE THAT. It's time to put down the saxophone, carefully remove my hairband, and step down from the stage to deliver a Rob Lowe style beating. That is unacceptable. Sir, GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WIFE.
a) YOU'RE NOT MARRIED TO ME YOU'RE MARRIED TO YOUR FRIENDS AND THE BAR
b) marry me (again)?
a) With every day that goes by, I feel more contempt for Judd Nelson, and more affection for Andrew McCarthy. DOES THIS MEAN I AM GROWING AS A PERSON? Pls. advs.
b) Is this gonna be a dry party?
a) No danger of that, but I'm glad you're seeing the light (my light) (which, upon further review, I cannot recommend).
b) SERIOUSLY, you cannot fathom how similar they are.
the funniest part is that he was pissed because there were "too many grammatical errors."
Yeah, because when I think sports blogs, I think "impeccable grammar."
Am I too late to attend the beatdown party? Sanctimonious asshat.
At least you got a discussion out of it. (My Canadian Girlfriend jokes will be funny until the rising oceans finally envelop our northern neighbor. Maybe even then.)
come back SPY Magazine. all is forgiven.