All new episodes return next week.
10:28:05 PM Nastinchka: If the way I spoil you, my iPod and my remote-controlled velociraptor is any indication, I really will be an awesome parent.
10:28:09 PM Nastinchka: (Many, many years hence.)
10:28:50 PM Spawn: many, many
10:28:58 PM Spawn: I don't want the competition
10:30:00 PM Nastinchka: You know, that had never occurred to me. But seriously, I'd be to scared to get preggers even if I had the inclination. Out of fear that you'd rip it from my womb with your jealous mind-lasers.
10:31:05 PM Spawn: you know that I would.
10:32:24 PM Nastinchka: And for that I both fear you, and congratulate myself on your rearing.
5:43:35 PM Livia: GOTH TWEEN GIRL AT MALL #1: Do you have the Satanic Bible?
5:43:58 PM Livia: ME: No, we don't have it in stock.
5:43:58 PM Livia: GOTH TWEEN GIRL AT MALL #2: ...RACISTS.
10:51:37 AM Nastinchka: THAT's a new one.
10:51:38 AM T$ (Autoreply): You must be a snake charmer, because you make these pythons want to dance.
10:52:00 AM T$: yeah. they get better. check out what i said to micki on date numero dos:
10:52:10 AM T$: "i'm glad you're a vet student, 'cause these pythons are sick."
10:52:44 AM T$: i know. i kill myself with humor sometimes.
10:57:31 AM T$: you'd be surprised at how amazed some people get when they find out how many of these i know
10:57:39 AM T$: ...then again, you probably wouldn't be
10:57:42 AM Nastinchka: Nope.
10:59:36 AM T$: how about this? "i just got invited to multi-party talks at the white house. they want to talk about disarming these nukes." *flexes*
10:59:44 AM Nastinchka: Wow.
10:59:46 AM T$: needs work, i know, but that's off the top of my head
11:00:13 AM T$: "gas prices going up sure depress the hell out of me. means i've gotta pay more to fuel these diesels."
11:00:38 AM T$: "i'm suing nbc. i mean, i trademarked the name for law and order here." *flexing alternate arms*
11:01:20 AM T$: "i'm gonna get a couple of tats right here. [point to quads] big dollar signs for the money makers."
11:01:30 AM T$: it's fun to pretend to be that self-involved.
11:01:45 AM T$: (the obvious joke from you would be, "pretend?" but we'll take that as read, ok?)
11:02:07 AM Nastinchka: Already done.
11:02:16 AM T$: good
11:05:11 AM Nastinchka: "KNow why they haven't found Osama? Cause he's hiding behind this ROCK!" (flexes)
11:05:28 AM T$: AH HAHAHAHAHAHA. and now for the ctrl + v
1:04:28 PM Nastinchka: I wonder if, along with training camp, rookies are required to atttend some sort of secret NFL elocution academy in a bunker somewhere. Like football charm school, so they know to look in the camera and not at Holly Rowe's breasts during the postgame, and how to pronounce "Theismann".
1:05:51 PM Livia: and walk balancing buckets of gatorade on their heads, and practicing the delicate art of stopping their car when they run over someone instead of flooring the gas
4:59:42 PM 'Box: I'm a valet now, btw
4:59:49 PM Nastinchka: I heard.
4:59:55 PM Nastinchka: The earth trembles.
5:00:05 PM Nastinchka: I told Erin it'd be like Four Rooms, but with less vaginas.
5:00:14 PM 'Box: heh. God I hope so on all counts
5:00:55 PM 'Box: except for the whole dead fucking whore in the bed. but if I could vomit on cue like that then I would just cash in on that....at like....the circus
5:01:16 PM Nastinchka: Righto.
5:01:29 PM 'Box: where I would then befriend a wee circus midget and name him Leni
5:02:13 PM Nastinchka: Inappropriate spelling for a boy, less you're making Twee-umph of the Will.
5:02:37 PM 'Box: who said my midget had to be gender specific?
5:07:27 PM Livia (Autoreply): Things Discussed In The Last 48 Hours (see if you can tell which one is fake!!: 1) Mammoths 2) Cutting off your own foot 3) Sushi 4) Snowmen that attack and kill you 5) Snakebites 6) Racquetball 7) High school football rivalries 8) Recreational Viagra 9) Scrambled porn 10) Gulfstreams
5:08:23 PM Nastinchka: Well, you were with [boyfriend redacted], so I know 8 and 10 were in heavy rotation.
Spawn (Autoreply): If you could stop every atom in its position and direction, and if your mind could comprehend all the actions thus suspended, then if you were really, really good at algebra you could write the formula for all the future.
'Bus: But only for the actions that you could see in a single light speed/femtosecond, give or take.
'Bus: So you'd know what would happen a nanosecond from now.
'Bus: But you're neurons don't work that fast. So you're fucked.
'Bus: And Heisenberg says, "Great. You know their positions. But where are they going?"
'Bus: My bottle of vodka says.
'Bus: "hi."
'Bus: The period speaks for itself.
6:30:54 PM Livia: we need doppelgangers.
6:31:18 PM Nastinchka: ....besides each other?
6:31:31 PM Livia: THEN there would be FOUR of us (tom cruise voice)
6:32:57 PM Nastinchka: My fallopian tubes just knotted themselves in fear.
6:33:31 PM Livia: Mine do that too, from time to time. But then I think of the Gulfstream and the Pony, and the greater good prevails.
2:14:53 PM T$: If, when speaking in the first person plural (e.g., royal "we") and you want to say that you graduated from a certain school, would you say that you are "alumni"? Or "an alumnus"?
2:14:52 PM Nastinchka: I would say that you're an asshole.
9:34:36 PM Livia: also, don't post this, lest the apellate judge finds your website and returns our millions to his estate
9:35:19 PM Livia: there can be no record. otherwise, we edge into the dangerous territory of "premeditated"
12:50:47 AM Nastinchka: ....Adam says you called tech support.
12:50:52 AM Feezle: (Autoreply) Vlad got out of her cage. anybody know how to get a three foot corn snake out of a bose 501 speaker?
4:34:06 PM Nastinchka: You know that snide remark we turned to each other and said at the SAME DAMN TIME during Brokeback? What the hell was it?
4:34:16 PM Livia: No, YOU hang up!
4:34:21 PM Nastinchka: THANK YOU.
4:34:27 PM Nastinchka: It's been driving me mad trying to remember.
4:34:28 PM Livia: You're welcome.
4:34:54 PM Livia: I only remember because it was directly preceded by "Wake up, Ennis, it's the day after tomorrow".
6:25:23 AM Spawn: and makes me wonder why i care about the future of america ... I almost think if the whole goddamn ship went down it'd be worth it to take that dose of evil and worthlessness out of the world.
10:09:08 AM Nastinchka: But that's exactly why you need to KEEP caring.
10:11:03 AM Nastinchka: Because the American Dream belongs to THEM too, with their Skoal and their Barbizon and their GEDs, and we've got to defend it for them just as vigorously as we defend it for ourselves.
Posted by Nastinchka at September 3, 2007 11:54 PM