September 17, 2007
So, how was your day?
My mother received a nasty, condescending, anonymous* email at her work account this morning informing her I was "selling myself" on "pornographic websites" everydayshouldbesaturday.com and snarkastic.com.
Here's the photo in question, posted on EDSBS this morning as the result of me losing a bet on the outcome of the Tennessee-Florida game:
These colors don't run.
Couple thoughts:
- If it's porn, shouldn't you be able to at least see some nipple?
- Has this guy ever been to a beach? Or the student section at Neyland, for that matter?
- Sir, if the Vols hadn't up and quit after the Ainge-Foster handoff fumble, we might very well have avoided this situation altogether. Perhaps your ire would be better directed towards the team?
- Swindle's reaction: "Porn sites make money." If I'm selling myself, doesn't someone owe me a check?
- Friday Cheesecake is one thing (and that thing is "not porn either"), but seriously, there's naked girls on this site? How'd I miss THAT?
- I've been asked not to reprint the email here, which is sad, because it's COMEDY GOLD, but it includes the word "revolting". This is a tremendous blow to my self-esteem (already fragile enough to drive me to sell myself for validation!)....am I really so unsightly?
- Hi, Momma. I kept this site a secret for seven years, because I know how you feel about "language". Sorry about all the cussin'.
Discuss.
Posted by Nastinchka at September 17, 2007 06:16 PM
I'm not even sure this counts as erotica, much less porn, unless you are a Florida fan and into minor forms of degradation. If both sites are porn, you and Swindle should be charging for access, or at least getting some more premium ad space (in his case.)
"Revolting" is used by people who are incapable of seeing any sort of beauty in the human body.
Posted by: Signal to Noise at September 17, 2007 06:24 PMWhat is this person doing at porn sites? Trying to keep the world safe, I assume?
Fuck.
Clearly that person lacks both a sense of humor and a definition of porn.
Posted by: The Great Barstoolio at September 17, 2007 06:33 PMIf this is somehow wrong, I don't wanna be right.
Posted by: PB at September 17, 2007 06:41 PMDon't worry PB, you probably aren't. Of course posting at a "porn" site will probably keep you from getting a law license.
I can't wait to try and explain it away when I run for office.
Posted by: Hank Scorpio at September 17, 2007 06:49 PMThese colors don't run.
Mind? blown. Side? split.
Posted by: The Great Barstoolio at September 17, 2007 07:00 PMWe'll see (well, you'll see) whether or how much those colors run tomorrow morning in the shower.
Posted by: Peter J. H. (must remain anonymous) at September 17, 2007 07:16 PMPerhaps the author has a man-crush on The 'Bow (Timbow is retarded, Verne) and doesn't want Superman's name seen on some bewbs.
when is the nipple coming, btw...
Posted by: Alex at September 17, 2007 07:40 PMHolly - You look sexy as hell, my dear. Go with the leather bustier if there's a next time you try this.
Posted by: The Jesters Cap at September 17, 2007 08:18 PMIt's not like he's buying what you're selling.
Posted by: thebadge at September 17, 2007 11:27 PMI shudder to think what may be written on me Brawley-style should F$U lose in BHG come this T-giving weekend.
Posted by: JimboFishHead at September 18, 2007 06:15 AMDear Holly's Mom,
your daughter is the definition of grace, beauty, wit, and intelligence.
Love,
RCR
PS
I know a thing or three about porn, and while the picture of Holly's sweater puppets was nice, without a nipple shot I don't think that this comes CLOSE to porn. Hot? Yes. Porn? Only in parts of Utah or Amish country.
A terrible and unrelated piece of news: Tank Johnson and Terrell Owens are now on the same team. Start getting your affairs in order.
Posted by: j at September 18, 2007 08:20 AMAs a life long Cowboys fan I welcome the return of the Dallas Thugboys; at least they win Super Bowls.
P.S. I hope that last comment didn't upset the sensibilities of the Tennessee volunteer censorship board.
Posted by: Hank Scorpio at September 18, 2007 09:06 AMIf that's porn, shouldn't the Sears catalog come in a black wrapper?
Posted by: Hank Scorpio at September 18, 2007 11:05 AMFunny--TCOAN, wife of esteemed pornographer Orson Swindle, said the exact same thing to me this morning.
Posted by: Holly at September 18, 2007 11:07 AMThat might be the first time you've ever said I was funny.
Posted by: Hank Scorpio at September 18, 2007 12:15 PMI think she meant funny strange funny not funny ha ha funny.
Posted by: jeebsy at September 18, 2007 01:25 PMAnd I've never seen anything that looked like that in a Sears catalog.
Posted by: jeebsy at September 18, 2007 01:26 PMI know that Professor.
And if you could see that in the Sears catalog they wouldn't be able to print the things fast enough.
Posted by: Hank Scorpio at September 18, 2007 04:35 PMJeebsy, it's Scorpy's folksy charm that will make him a landslide winner at the ballot box...and in our hearts.
Posted by: Holly at September 18, 2007 04:37 PM/right click>save image as>bookflighttoLA.jpeg
Well, hello, stranger!
Posted by: Holly at September 18, 2007 06:28 PMWho needs porn when college football is in season?
Posted by: T Bag at September 18, 2007 06:47 PMHi Holly's Mom!
Note: Holly, seriously, if this is a porn site, you are failing MISERABLY
Posted by: Grubby at September 19, 2007 09:56 AMwell, orsons' mom did say "motherfucker" on live internets radio so that kind of raises some questions on his upbringing right there.
Posted by: kleph at September 20, 2007 12:12 AMWow... and all this time you were just worried about Verne Lundquist seeing that
Posted by: R.D. Baker at September 20, 2007 06:18 PM"shouldn't you be able to at least see some nipple?"
I know this was a rhetorical question, but I'm going to go ahead and put my vote with the 'yes' camp.
Sorry, Mrs. Holly's Mom.
Posted by: Extra P. at September 21, 2007 08:49 AMAll I'm going to say is that I went to a soccer game in Scotland the other week and there were no displays like this. Which, given the crowd, was just as well.
(goes back to working on tedious work task while humming "God Bless America.")
Posted by: DC Trojan at September 25, 2007 09:10 AMU-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Posted by: Holly at September 25, 2007 11:24 AM