September 22, 2007

And we will, we will rock you.

Tennessee plays the Arkansas State Indians tonight, a team facing an NCAA-mandated name change, because it's acceptable for one school to wave Confederate flags on national television but not for another to call themselves Indians. Come to think of it, we're very much in favor of just stripping all mascots from all teams and starting over with ourselves in charge of the renamings:

Livia: maybe they mean the Arkansas State People From The Nation Of India.
Holly: Somehow I don't think that would win them any more favor.
Holly: Wait, did you hear Bob Kesling just say that AK State used to be the GORILLAS? The Ozark Silverbacks!
Livia: because if there is one thing arkansas is known for, it is the silverbacks of little rock.

We spent the first quarter of the game brewing possible replacement mascots. The list so far:

  • The Arkansas State Clintons
  • The Arkansas State Surreptitiously Murdered State Troopers
  • The Arkansas State Get Me The Fuck Out of Arkansasers
  • The Arkansas State Mobile Meth Lab Explosion
  • The Arkansas State Red Ferns
  • The Arkansas State Hot Springs Yes We Have Hot Springs Here Fucks
  • The Arkansas State Non-Indigenous Pine Beetle Infestation
  • The Arkansas State Illegal Diamond And Gemstone Mining Operation
  • The Arkansas State Vine Ripe Pink Tomatoes
  • The Arkansas State Allemand Lefts
  • The Arkansas State Ill-Advised Mark Twain Appropriations
  • The Arkansas State Negative Population Growths
  • The Arkansas State Tornado Alleys
  • The Arkansas State Not Quite Ready For Colleges
  • The Arkansas State Brought To You By Sam Walton And the Walton Family of Products
  • The Arkansas State We're Sorry For Producing John Grishams
  • The Arkansas State Living Wage Strikes
  • The Arkansas State Manmade Lakes of Massive Proportion
  • The Arkansas State Flat Alluvials
Livia: i am still really enamored of the vine ripe pink tomatoes
Holly: Fuck, we forgot to mention malaria.
Livia: and I never want to go to Arkansas again.

Posted by Nastinchka at September 22, 2007 07:04 PM

Comments

I suggest Athletics of Arkansas State University presented by Walmart

Posted by: TheGoldfishCowboy at September 22, 2007 07:12 PM

The Arkansas State Hey At Least We Produced Josh Lucases

(school song chorus: we can make them sexy looking/but we can't make them act/do you really require that/no)

Posted by: The Great Barstoolio at September 22, 2007 07:47 PM

can we trade a bushel of pink tomatoes for the city of Memphis? Arkansas gets a city that more closely resembles the rest of their state, and we Tennesseaners get something to juggle...it's a win-win.

Posted by: Alex at September 22, 2007 09:47 PM

How about the Arkansas State "We almost beat Texas in 2007s"

Posted by: R.D.Baker at September 23, 2007 08:23 AM

How about the Arkansas State Relatives???

Posted by: Irish Duffy 98 at September 26, 2007 11:08 AM

Left off the list for no reason:

The Arkansas State Penitentiary (singular, like MLS = edgy!)
The Arkansas State Wards

Posted by: Holly at September 26, 2007 11:23 AM
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