Snarkastic

Laff Riot 47: I think we solved this thing.

5:12:02 PM Holly: Billy Donovan's head looks so TINY, introducing those players. Couldn't they have gotten him a smaller circle?
5:15:12 PM Livia: BRANDON COX LOOKS LIKE A VAMPIRE
5:15:14 PM Livia: WHAT THE HELL
5:15:21 PM Livia: HAS HE EVER BEEN OUTSIDE BEFORE?
5:15:46 PM Holly: Does Starkville count? Probably nt.
5:16:31 PM Livia: Florida should just put garlic in their helmets
5:16:36 PM Holly: and sleep with cross.
5:16:38 PM Livia: Cox is awful.
5:17:03 PM Holly: so so so bad.
5:17:16 PM Livia: their backup must be even worse.
5:18:40 PM Livia: TOMMY TUBERVILLE CAN SEE THE FUTURE!
5:18:47 PM Holly: GIFT OF PROPHECY
5:18:50 PM Livia: He knew it would be okay to punt and that he would get it back!
5:18:58 PM Livia: That is really unsettling.
5:19:19 PM Holly: ....Brandon Cox bit him.
5:19:45 PM Livia: This explains why Auburn only plays at night
5:20:16 PM Holly: It's not cramps that are making Brandon Cox terrible, but a dearth of human snacks!
5:20:37 PM Livia: Vampires get cramps too, racist.
5:20:56 PM Holly: You are so sage.
5:21:13 PM Livia: I think Brandon Cox can hear us!!!
5:21:22 PM Holly: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
5:21:38 PM Livia: Vamps have heightened senses, and he hears us talking shit about him, and he is allowing his vampire emotions to steal across him.
5:22:55 PM Livia: WHAT
5:22:56 PM Livia: THE
5:22:57 PM Livia: HELL
5:23:06 PM Holly: !!!!!!!!!!
5:23:10 PM Holly: THAT IS NOT BRANDON COX.
5:23:24 PM Livia: Yeah it is, they just let him feast on his backup before kickoff
5:23:30 PM Livia: He must feed.
5:23:38 PM Livia: And obviously, he has.
5:23:57 PM Livia: Do you think Tommy is also a vampire? It would explain his precognitive decision to punt.
5:24:55 PM Livia: Cox is just going to walk to the sideline and casually begin suckling on his teammate's neck. Oh wait...that was Tim Tebow.
5:28:09 PM Livia: i cannot believe this is happening. brandon cox is fucking lestat.
5:38:26 PM Holly: Bama down by 7 with a minute to go
5:38:36 PM Holly: and the guy who just caught their td pass
5:38:43 PM Holly: was KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS as he crossed the goal line
5:38:48 PM Holly: and HELD ON TO THE BALL
5:40:04 PM Holly: ALABAMA IS THE HELLMOUTH
5:44:24 PM Livia: BRANDON COX IS FUCKING LESTAT.
5:44:28 PM Livia: what is happening!
5:44:58 PM Holly: I'm so scared
5:45:01 PM Holly: and cold and so, so alone
5:45:20 PM Livia: much like his victims
6:06:38 PM Livia: "don't worry, Brandon. I'm going to give you the choice I never had."
8:27:40 PM Livia: YOUR CHEATING IS ALL FOR NAUGHT URBAN MEYER
8:27:47 PM Livia: THEIR TEARS ARE DELICIOUS
8:28:00 PM Holly: CROCODILE TEARS
8:28:03 PM Livia: WHAT'S THIS SWEET TASTE IN MY MOUTH? I THINK IT'S VENGEANCE.
8:29:50 PM Holly: BRANDON COX HAS BAT HEARING.
8:31:05 PM Livia: vellcome to my upset!! (cackling madly)

Kickoff eve:
3:26:20 PM Holly: vanilla toffee caramel latte PLAY WITH ME
3:26:27 PM Holly: *twitch*
3:52:13 PM PB: Hi
3:53:56 PM PB: FOOTBAW!!!
3:58:00 PM Holly: Seriously, I need to go eat some raw meat or something. I just begged my producer to let me watch him fire one of our actresses.

Lurking in Michigan open threads...
11:26:32 PM Holly: I want to see the EXACT moment where they realize the wheels are somewhere behind them.
11:28:06 PM Holly: Except that they were losing the entire time
11:28:10 PM Holly: So I guess there isn't one.
11:28:39 PM Livia: Let's look for where their hope fails
11:28:52 PM Holly: Most of this thread is, disappointingly, postgame
11:28:56 PM Holly: but i'm sure we can find it.
11:39:23 PM Livia: this is schadenfreuriffic
11:39:28 PM Holly: I can'tstop
11:39:30 PM Livia: at least we still have a season
11:39:32 PM Holly: I have to go to bed
11:39:34 PM Holly: but I can't stop
11:39:57 PM Livia: arkansas and florida were both 1 loss last season and they kicked ass. michigan, though, cannot recover.
11:40:10 PM Holly: No.
11:40:17 PM Holly: Which DELIGHTS ME
11:40:22 PM Livia: ME TOO.
11:40:26 PM Holly: Also, of course we are of one mind re: Woodson
11:40:34 PM Livia: FUCK WOODSON
11:40:39 PM Livia: they are reaping what they hath sown

11:42:45 PM Livia: i think i found the moment
11:43:01 PM Livia: "what the fuck lion is up with all these penalties?"
11:43:21 PM Holly: that is it.
11:43:23 PM Holly: Indubitably.
11:43:51 PM Livia: i can promise you that if he had played that game, michigan would have won by fifty. fuck dat spider.
11:44:40 PM Holly: I can just hear us saying that in our WE'RE GOING FISHING FOR A MATE voices
11:45:03 PM Livia: you mean YOUR gffam voice
11:45:06 PM Livia: it makes me cry
11:46:38 PM Livia: the best part about these comments is how they assume it is over once they scored
11:46:45 PM Holly: so bright.
11:46:49 PM Holly: So beautiful.
11:46:53 PM Livia: and they are all confident, giving app credit, being magnanimous
11:46:54 PM Livia: and then...
11:47:15 PM Holly: Waterloo.
11:47:24 PM Holly: Only it's a home game
11:48:01 PM Livia: this seems more like jim tressel fiddling while ann arbor burns

3:47:03 PM Momma: oooo, did you know there's a new book by the eats, shoots, and leaves person and it's ALL about apostrophes!!! I can parlay that into a reason to live a little longer.
3:47:22 PM Holly: Want!
3:47:35 PM Momma: me too
3:47:42 PM Holly: Fetch!
3:47:47 PM Holly: (please)
3:47:53 PM Momma: are you talkin' to me?
3:47:58 PM Holly: um
3:47:59 PM Holly: no?

11:18:38 PM Livia: I wish I could get that Appalachian State is hot, hot, HOT! song out of my head
11:19:06 PM Livia: I think it might be permanent, like knowing all the lines in D2: The Mighty Ducks.
11:19:31 PM Holly: You say that like it's a bad thing. *hoists cordless drill*
11:19:39 PM Holly: *saunters east*
11:19:52 PM Livia: You do not saunter. You do many things. You do not saunter.
11:20:02 PM Holly: I WALK LIKE JOHN WAYNE.
11:20:04 PM Holly: WHEN I WANT TO.
11:20:11 PM Holly: ...."stalk"?
11:20:37 PM Livia: Caper? Yes. Stampede? Yes? Walk in pointe shoes on skulls? Yes.
11:20:41 PM Livia: Saunter? No.
11:20:44 PM Holly: :(
11:20:59 PM Livia: You do lope, though.
11:21:05 PM Livia: Cold comfort though that may be.
11:21:07 PM Holly: *chest thump*
11:21:15 PM Livia: (gang sign)

6:15:09 PM Holly: I'm gonna throw out a crazy theory
6:15:12 PM Holly: hear me out:
6:15:16 PM Holly: That is not Brandon Cox.
6:15:38 PM Holly: ...that's all I got.
6:15:54 PM PB: Makes far more sense than the alternative: That is Brandon Cox.
6:15:58 PM Holly: See??

Post-quake:
6:04:33 PM Janie: *whimper*
6:04:41 PM Holly: He'll be fine.
6:04:59 PM Holly: He'll write me back in five minutes with a history of natural disasters as it relates to Arlo Guthrie.
6:05:01 PM Holly: In Latin.
6:05:27 PM Janie: Or he's out being an investigatory journalist.
6:06:00 PM Holly: Well, he'll write back with seventeen 1600x1200 shots of artfully composed bits of rubble that suggest Keynesian economic theory.
6:06:14 PM Holly: Lemme know if either of my theories pan out.

11:16:39 Livia: I just taught Bailey the Yakov joke:
JOAN: In Soviet Russia, hair cuts YOOOOUUU!
BAILEY: In Soviet Russia, cat has no CLAAAAWS!
(Pause)
JOAN: No, I don't think you really get it. See...
BAILEY: (Enthusiastically) In Soviet Russia, lawyer doesn't take your MONEYYYYY!
JOAN: But...
BAILEY: (Menacingly) In Soviet Russia, grape peels YOOOOOUU!
JOAN: Much better.

2:29:14 PM Holly: This thread is not nearly as entertaining as Michael Irvin threads.
2:29:19 PM Holly: Maybe I should go find his HoF post
2:29:22 PM Holly: and use that instead
2:29:34 PM Jeebsy: The Vick people are apologists?
2:29:40 PM Holly: Because this is just a pages-long race flame war sprinkled with entire sections of the RICO act.

4:30:20 PM Livia: for tomorrow's poll, can you please photoshop a terrapin riding a buffalo amongst heavenly clouds?
4:30:32 PM Holly: Um.
4:30:34 PM Holly: I'll try.
4:31:38 PM Livia: Yeah, because my request is somehow more insane than putting Rex Grossman into a corset and bonnet.
4:32:28 PM Livia: I am officially calling this Show Us Your Teeth Saturday. Rutgers and Oklahoma ARE who we THOUGHT they were!
4:34:07 PM Holly: Show us your Teeth. Just in time for October.
4:41:02 PM Livia: Lee Corso is such a bitch mitten.
4:41:48 PM Holly: WTF IS A BITCH MITTEN
4:42:07 PM Livia: a mitten that's a bitch. is english not your first language?
4:42:16 PM Livia: it just rolls off the tongue
4:42:18 PM Holly: Sssshhhh.
4:42:35 PM Livia: Bitch Mitten.
4:42:37 PM Livia: It sounds German
. 4:42:58 PM Holly: If you say it fast enough it sounds like a sneeze.

1:06:23 PM Momma: I back from putting the little monsters on the bus. . I spent 4 years in college for this. Not that I'm ABOVE it, I'm just OVER it. There's a difference between above and over that only a very astute linguistic mind understands. Capice?
1:06:36 PM Holly: capeesh.
1:59:14 PM Momma: bye now. going to yoga so I can mediate on the uselessness of other people. how nice to be ABOVE it all. XOXO

4:55:24 PM Janie: So, I took the day off because I needed to have my car looked at (note to Courtesy Nissan of Tampa: Laz in the Service Department is a creepy molester), and I get taken home in the courtesy van and I have them drop me off at this sandwich place near my house because I haven't eaten and have no food at home, and 10 minutes after they leave me there I remember my house key is attached to my car key which is up on a rack in a service department half an hour away. So, there I am with a sandwich and 3 hours to kill until they come back for me, and no keys. Thanks to my infernally slack landlord I have one window that doesn't lock, but it's 5 feet off the ground in one of those old elevated bungalows. I'm um, not exactly wearing a whole outfit today, if you know what I mean, and I'm halfway through the window with decency thrown to the wind when our creepy obsessed handyman shouts out from behind me to see if I need help. Not really, dude, but I do need you to close your eyes and walk away. Anyway, I just slithered through and went end-over-end into a heap on the floor and rolled out of sight. That was my day BEFORE lunch.
4:55:29 PM Janie: Oh, and my sandwich was smashed but I ate it anyway.

8:22:32 PM Holly: I don't know if you're watching Sunday!Night!is!Football!Night!, but Jared Lorenzen has finally found his calling.
8:22:51 PM Holly: He just used his body to block Eli's body from the camera so they couldn't see what the doctor was looking at on his arm.

10:27:31 PM Jeebsy:: You got your sippy cup out? (for your bourbon and ginger ale)
10:27:39 PM Holly: No!!
10:27:46 PM Holly: (....bendy straw.)

10:32:02 PM Livia: it's a real bitch trying to rank teams after this total ass-beating Saturday.
10:32:40 PM Holly: God, I bet.
10:33:31 PM Livia: but i feel it would be wrong to complain
10:33:44 PM Livia: very bite-the-hand-that-completed-my-lifey

5:52:27 PM Livia: and now jurassic park is on...! i can't believe this weekend.
5:52:57 PM Holly: WHOA.
5:55:26 PM Livia: i should buy a lottery ticket.
5:55:44 PM Holly: Or not walk outside, in fear of immediately being crushed by a falling piano.
5:56:32 PM Livia: also, this is probably the time to propose to arian foster. before he can fumble my engagement ring and some fat sec defender recovers it.

4:23:42 PM Momma: have you seen hairspray?
4:23:52 PM Holly: Of course
4:24:50 PM Momma: hit was fun, but I was a little disappointed in Revolta's rendition; guess I was expecting full-on drag queen again
4:25:01 PM Holly: Yeah, I wanted Harvey Fierstein.
4:29:09 PM Momma: pay attention to me
4:30:30 PM Holly: I cain't
4:30:32 PM Holly: I workin
4:31:09 PM Momma: sigh. ok. I will be the picture of patience, grasshopper.
4:31:28 PM Holly: You're odd.
4:33:50 PM Momma: and I have odd possessions. for example, on my desk at school I have an 8-ball answerer, a snow globe paper propper with fish and anemones inside it, and a wind-up pair of mickey mouse ears.
4:34:10 PM Holly: Do....do they move?
4:35:09 PM Momma: the ears? the fish in the snow globe? the answer dodecahedron inside the 8-ball. well, yeah, otherwise what's the point?
4:35:50 PM Holly: The ears.
4:36:14 PM Momma: and Todkill has an odd name. But a wonderful name. Did you know in England a fox is called a tod? I know this because I summered there last year.
4:36:23 PM Holly: Teaching you iChat was a mistake. I see that now.
4:37:06 PM Momma: well, the whole headpiece moves, taking the ears with it. The ears, unfortunately, do not move of their own accord.
4:37:21 PM Holly: I am suddenly cold all over.

8:04:51 PM Holly: Well, it's me, so I think you should've screwed him in a stadium bathroom.
8:05:30 PM Janie: That would have been both really sweaty and disgusting, and worth the drive.
8:06:17 PM Janie: "You taste like coppertone spray SPF 50, baby."
8:06:42 PM Holly: "Is that a palmetto bug in your pants, or are you just happy to...FUCK FUCK IT'S A PALMETTO BUG GET IT OFF ME"
8:06:53 PM Janie: "I'm sorry, can we switch it up? This rusty patch of Orange Bowl is shredding my back."
8:07:44 PM Holly: While he's shredding your front. I bet he's a biter.
8:07:56 PM Janie: Ooooooooooh.

7:13:24 PM Holly: MIZ NAINCY!
7:16:56 PM Momma: what doin
7:17:30 PM Holly: Drankin!
7:17:33 PM Momma: i'm watching Rear Window, to be followed by DIal M for Murder....oooooo
7:17:37 PM Holly: OOOOH.
7:17:44 PM Momma: drankin what??!?!
7:18:14 PM Holly: Drankin' white wine because that's how gangster I am
7:19:35 PM Momma: i'm trying to record all the Hitchcock movies on this week ( 2 every night) and this involves using the timer on the DVD recorder which I haven't figured out yet. I need the Geek Squad.
7:20:05 PM Holly: Use baby.
7:20:13 PM Holly: (Josh, not that rice thing)
7:20:57 PM Momma: I'ont know how good he is at long distance directions. I'll just hobble along on my own, as usual
7:21:50 PM Holly: You're a soldier.
7:22:39 PM Momma: silver wings upon their chests...these are men, America's best....(are you with me yet?)
7:22:51 PM Holly: (Hardly ever.)
7:23:11 PM Momma: Green Beret song. from the 60s.
7:23:14 PM Holly: (But I suspect you're singing.)
7:23:19 PM Holly: Bingo!
7:23:31 PM Momma: see you are the smartest on the playground
7:23:41 PM Holly: ....and?
7:23:49 PM Momma: the prettiest
7:23:54 PM Holly: That's right!

Posted by Nastinchka at October 2, 2007 10:22 PM