Scared awake by the use of BAT NOISES to signal commercial breaks on Sunday NFL Countdown, but I'm too wiped out from last night to contribute much of anything. Here's Joan instead:
[Scene: The Giants prepare for their London game against Miami.]
ELI MANNING: [Sketching furiously] This charcoal image of Buckingham Palace is going to be perfect for my RISD admissions portfolio!!
PLAXICO BURRESS: Eli, what the hell. You're supposed to be our quarterback, not a street caricature artist.
ELI MANNING: [Trying to hide tears] My mom says I can be anything I want to be!!
PLAXICO BURRESS: [Coolly] And your father?
ELI MANNING: [Silence]
MICHAEL STRAHAN: [Grinning] BIG BEN CRUMPETS LOTS OF RAIN!!
AMANI TOOMER: You know, the sociopolitical culture of Great Britain is really a fascinating study. The European fingers of colonialism had a long and cruel reach...
MICHAEL STRAHAN: [Jumping, clapping] FISH AND CHIPS HARRY POTTER WE HATE FRANCE!
JEREMY SHOCKEY: [Screaming forcefully] Get out of here, you damned Redcoats!! DON'T TREAD ON ME!
COACH COUGHLIN: [Trying to reach him] Sshhh, Jeremy, calm down...calm down. We're in THEIR country.
JEREMY SHOCKEY: FREEDOM ISN'T FREE, COACH. I'M FROM THE U. THA U!!
MICHAEL STRAHAN: Bad teeth!
ELI MANNING: [As raindrop falls on his sketch book] Damn it...[beginning to cry, rubbing page furiously] DAMN IT....
JEREMY SHOCKEY: I'LL TAKE ALL YOUR FUCKING TEA!
Giants over Dolphins.
The image of Jeremy Shockey screaming, "DON'T TREAD ON ME!!" is so entirely plausible. Could we love him more? We could not.
Posted by: Holly at October 28, 2007 09:59 AMLook at Eli's face! Sulksville, table for two. I wonder why!
Posted by: Stella at October 28, 2007 10:08 AMIn the middle of London, singing a song glorifying our asskicking of their empire. America, fuck yeah!
Posted by: Shea at October 28, 2007 10:10 AMATTENTION, FOX PRODUCERS: How many times are we going to cover this? It is not "ironic" that the league's only Scottish-born player is kicking off in London. Your booth talent is not smart enough to know the difference; this stops with you.
Posted by: Holly at October 28, 2007 10:12 AMAh, the Alanis definition of irony strikes again.
Eli would rather be playing tennis and making a side trip to Stonehenge.
Posted by: S2N at October 28, 2007 10:20 AMAt this point, Holly, they're certainly only doing it to spite you. They've got to know.
Posted by: OPS at October 28, 2007 06:19 PMPerhaps while Holly is calling in the Irony Police I could bring in the Geography and History Squad. I know that we must all look like one big pasty pack of dentist-dodging socialists to FoxSports, but there are differences and these differences matter. Swine.
Posted by: DC Trojan at October 28, 2007 08:33 PM