Snarkastic

Laff Riot 54: That Slut Stoled My Bible

9:33:37 PM Nastinchka: Shit.
9:33:42 PM Nastinchka: In the excitement of today?
9:33:53 PM Nastinchka: I think I forgot I wanted to punch you in the face for saying we could still win the east after Alabama.
9:34:00 PM Nastinchka: And that is REALLY SAYING SOMETHING.
9:34:02 PM Nastinchka: And I am sorry.
9:34:10 PM Livia: It's quite all right. You were one of many.
9:34:14 PM Nastinchka: And I will still want to punch you in the face if you say it again next year.
9:34:17 PM Nastinchka: But right now I'm sorry.
9:34:23 PM Livia: No, you're not.
9:34:33 PM Nastinchka: Well, I would be if I'd gone through with it.
9:34:45 PM Livia: All right then.

Nastinchka: How's the coaching [6-year-old girls' basketball, long story --ed.] going?
JHC: They're TERRIBLE.
Nastinchka: [FULL NAME REDACTED]!!
JHC: They're so short and clumsy!
Nastinchka: They're SIX!
JHC: And their little arms? Can we even get the ball up to the rim?
Nastinchka: You're going to make a great dad.
JHC: You're making excuses for them!
Nastinchka: You're awful.
JHC: Whatever. I can't make 'em taller, but I can make 'em run.

7:48:03 PM Barstoolio: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO OKLAHOMA I CANNOT DEAL WITH KANSAS AT NUMBER TWO I AM SPIRALLING INTO MISERY
7:48:16 PM Nastinchka: Perhaps you need to think of this
7:48:22 PM Nastinchka: Oklahoma is being beaten by pirates.
7:48:32 PM Barstoolio: Huh.
7:48:38 PM Barstoolio: That's actually kind of effective.
7:48:44 PM Nastinchka: They system works!
7:49:09 PM Barstoolio: I'd prefer the pirates beat Kansas, but oh well. So long as someone's walkin' the plank.

11:54:30 AM PB: gonna grocery shop at halftime. what should i get?
11:54:55 AM Nastinchka: Don't laugh
11:55:06 AM Nastinchka: but i didn't take any turkey home with me from dinner
11:55:12 AM Nastinchka: so I walked to the store last night and bought some
11:55:21 AM PB: hmm
11:55:21 AM Nastinchka: so I could have a leftover turkey sandwich.
11:55:28 AM Nastinchka: I suggest this move.
11:55:33 AM PB: not a bad idea
11:55:34 AM Nastinchka: discount turkey!
11:55:51 AM Nastinchka: I will eat nothing but wheat bread, turkey, and mustard the rest of the weekend.
11:55:55 AM Nastinchka: And it will be glorious.
11:56:12 AM Nastinchka: not that deli turkey either, it's slimy and gross.
11:56:39 AM Nastinchka: fake leftovers!
11:57:24 AM PB: i like it. i didn't get the original turkey either. might as well do faux leftovers to get some thanksgivingness out of the weekend. maybe i'll buy some cranberry just so i can be grossed out by it.
11:58:16 AM Nastinchka: that jelly stuff? eeeew.
11:58:25 AM Nastinchka: Real cranberry sauce does not wiggle.
11:58:37 AM PB: do not like
11:58:58 AM PB: but it will feel like thanksgiving to buy some and ignore it

9:19:01 PM Livia: am sleepy ducky
9:19:05 PM Livia: i loooove you
9:19:09 PM Nastinchka: lovemalamb
9:19:17 PM Livia: hoooo-hoo
9:19:49 PM Nastinchka: I know the exact note you just hit.
9:20:06 PM Livia: CHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
9:20:12 PM Nastinchka: he he he he he
9:20:14 PM Nastinchka: ha ha ha ha ha
9:20:49 PM Livia: chitty bang bang chitty chitty bang bang
9:21:01 PM Nastinchka: *tap dances*
9:21:10 PM Livia: *bites head off live bat*
9:21:24 PM Nastinchka: go.
9:21:30 PM Livia: you don't own me.
9:21:39 PM Livia: don't say i can't go with other boys.
9:21:41 PM Nastinchka: YOU
9:21:43 PM Nastinchka: dammit
9:21:46 PM Nastinchka: I was so going there.
9:22:05 PM Livia: speaking of people not owning me
9:22:21 PM Livia: i think i am being dragged to beowulf by trey, stephen, and patrick this weekend.
9:22:24 PM Livia: do not want.
9:22:30 PM Nastinchka: Oh, GREAT.
9:22:46 PM Livia: i think i should take the book and read aloud in front of the screen
9:23:10 PM Livia: and i will dress as seamus heaney
9:23:18 PM Nastinchka: It should not surprise you at all to learn I fully support this.
9:23:36 PM Livia: But it never feels anything but happy and new.

9:42:36 PM PB: If I were half as observant as Jessica Fletcher I'd be so much better at life.
9:54:46 PM PB: Real exchange from the show:
9:56:16 PM PB: Dude who just confessed: "If you only you had not just found my lighter!" Jessica: "Oh, I didn't. I bought this today. In the market. On the chance that I was right." With the look only Angela Lansbury can give: that disappointed, judging you for being a criminal, damn it sucks to be right and bust all these upper class people for murder all the time.

8:15:04 PM Barstoolio: I just got my toe stuck in a wine bottle. I thought I should tell someone.
8:15:22 PM Barstoolio: It's too ridiculous to keep to myself.
8:16:03 PM Nastichka: Well, it won't be.
8:16:04 PM Nastichka: Kept.
8:16:04 PM Barstoolio: Clearly, what was in the bottle before my toe impeded my judgement just now.
8:17:04 PM Barstoolio: You really should have Adium create some kind of check box
8:17:11 PM Barstoolio: where the morning after
8:17:14 PM Nastichka: I should.
8:17:29 PM Barstoolio: people can indicate if they were inebriated and comments should be stricken from the record
8:17:47 PM Barstoolio: unfortunately, I only had an inch of wine
8:17:58 PM Barstoolio: so I don't even have an excuse.
8:18:15 PM Barstoolio: I'm just the kind of person who gets her toe stuck in a wine bottle.
8:18:49 PM Barstoolio: Good thing I have no home phone, or I'd be fielding calls from ABC producers looking for the next Bachelorette.

6:59:23 PM Momma: ya know I been callin' my car Velvet
6:59:41 PM Momma: Velvet Volvo
6:59:41 PM Nastinchka: like a pony
7:00:04 PM Momma: but to some people I can say her WHOLE name, which is....
7:00:10 PM Momma: BLACK velvet
7:00:18 PM Momma: like Aylvis pictures on black velvet and that sort of thing

2:35:35 PM Livia: So. I have a date tonight.
2:35:51 PM Livia: I just wanted you to know in cse you get frantic text messages begging for rescue.
2:35:54 PM Nastinchka: WHO?
2:36:02 PM Nastinchka: When do I need to call you?
2:36:10 PM Livia: This guy from one of my classes last semester.
2:36:17 PM Nastinchka: Wait, do I know about this one?
2:36:39 PM Livia: Remember on my birthday when we were watching Joyride and I kept getting text messages and you were suspiocus? This was tht guy.
2:36:59 PM Nastinchka: OK.
2:37:02 PM Nastinchka: When am I calling you?
2:37:18 PM Livia: I'm gonna say 8:20?
2:37:50 PM Livia: And if I don't answer, I'm either in his backseat or dead in an ice bath.
2:37:59 PM Livia: (you never know with english majors)
2:41:58 PM Livia: I am actually really looking forward to this tonight
2:42:19 PM Livia: He's not an alcoholic, rageaholic, or millionaire, so, you know, I got that going for me.
2:43:22 PM Nastinchka: It's always nice to try new things.
2:44:23 PM Livia: I'll bear that in mind when he doesn't spill tequila down my shirt, scream furiously at someone, or try to make me sign a contract.
2:45:23 PM Nastinchka: Again, new things.
2:46:20 PM Livia: Yeah, we'll see.

6:24:18 PM JHC: 24 hours in? The Ohio State people are still at it. Wow.
6:24:51 PM JHC: They are somethin. I haven't responded to a word of it.
6:25:00 PM Nastinchka: Don't. it won't do a thing.
6:25:04 PM Nastinchka: Just let them have their fun.
6:25:12 PM JHC: Its like arguing with a drunk
6:25:13 PM JHC: retard
6:25:16 PM JHC: on crank
6:25:19 PM JHC: with no ears.

8:06:12 PM Nastinchka: Your boys are coming back.
8:06:17 PM Nastinchka: (which you know.)
8:06:36 PM Nastinchka: (which was really just a way of bringing up the steelers)
8:06:50 PM Nastinchka: (so I could say LOOK AT TOMLIN'S LITTLE TOBOGGAN!!!!)
8:06:53 PM PB: Waaaaay too many slow-developing plays
8:07:02 PM Nastinchka: Focus on his LITTLE HEAD IN THAT HAT!
8:07:05 PM PB: This line isn't suited for that
8:07:16 PM Nastinchka: I mean...yes. Poor execution
8:07:18 PM Nastinchka: (HAT!)
8:07:37 PM Nastinchka: it is THAT CUTE
8:07:44 PM Nastinchka: I have a weakness for hats.
8:07:52 PM PB: there is nothing cute about that man. he would eat his first son to win.
8:08:00 PM Nastinchka: Except his widdle FACE.
8:08:24 PM PB: it is a lure for innocent girls to wander too near and have their innocence BITTEN OFF
8:08:34 PM Nastinchka: where the fuck does one keep one's innocence?
8:08:44 PM PB: on your face, where tomlin can bite it

1:08:56 PM Livia: tony romo cant even be bothered to put his hand over his heart for the national anthem on thanksgiving day. to give you some perspective on this, terrell owens could be seen mouthing the words.
1:09:22 PM Nastinchka: How are the mighty fallen.
1:09:28 PM Nastinchka: Or, in this case, Tony Romo.
1:09:38 PM Livia: i was gonna say.

2:40:25 PM Nastinchka: I thought I just heard Uncle Verne say "Arkansas will bunt"
2:40:43 PM Nastinchka: And while I'm sure I was wrong, I don't feel like this is out of the realm of plausibility for a team coached by Houston Nutt.
2:40:55 PM Swindle: Reggie Fish on a crucial punt is poison
2:41:12 PM Swindle: He was the guy who botched the punt that turned the game against Florida in the SECCG
2:41:21 PM Nastinchka: He has a Coen villain name.
2:41:36 PM Swindle: He's been waiting to kill someone his whole life.
2:41:58 PM Nastinchka: 15 minutes to hell. Or the Music City Bowl.
2:42:24 PM Swindle: During hard times, Louisianans volunteer to be fed to Mike the Tiger
2:42:48 PM Swindle: Issanhonnah!
2:43:38 PM Nastinchka: Gary, it doesn't MATTER how dePENDable Early Doucet is if he only has ONE LEG.

6:50:11 PM Nastinchka: How're we doing/ I feel like the secondary is drying up.
6:50:21 PM Nastinchka: That was a mistyped question mark, not a poem.
6:58:19 PM JHC: You're still rollin.
6:58:32 PM JHC: I just made the same comment about Tebow's hips.

5:53:22 PM Nastinchka: AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(read thread)
5:53:29 PM PB: ok
5:53:34 PM Nastinchka: (please.)
5:56:48 PM PB: I like when guys throw in stupid shit that they think will impress women. "If it's not 350 thread count blah blah"
5:57:14 PM Nastinchka: Added to the fact that he's totally wrong, 350's no-thing.
5:58:05 PM PB: And even if it was, that they think a woman would read it, gasp a little, and think, "Now THIS is a guy I want!"
5:58:33 PM Nastinchka: If I ever met a guy who had a higher thread count than me I'd be totally floored and not in a good way.
5:58:54 PM PB: Don't blame you
5:59:13 PM Nastinchka: or who even KNEW his thread count.
5:59:27 PM PB: That, too. They don't post that shit at Target.
5:59:37 PM Nastinchka: Yes, they do.
5:59:39 PM Nastinchka: (see?)
5:59:43 PM PB: Oh.

7:07:07 PM Barstoolio: Something just reminded me of this, but today I was watching the Florida game with people OH FUCK YES MIZZOU and there was a shot of the booth and I noted that, if you looked at him head-on, Verne Lundquist's head looks EXACTLY like a white gumdrop. No one thought it was funny. I missed you and Jeebsy.
7:27:12 PM Nastinchka: Awwww!
7:28:06 PM Barstoolio: LOOK AT HIS HEAD NEXT TIME!
7:28:28 PM Nastinchka: I don't see how I'll ever forget that whether I want to or not.
7:29:52 PM Barstoolio: Why forget? They're delicious!
7:30:10 PM Nastinchka: DO NOT WANT TO EAT FAVORITE UNCLE.
7:31:07 PM Barstoolio: [candy head rescinded]
7:31:16 PM Nastinchka: Oh, it's still funny.
7:31:23 PM Nastinchka: Just not something I want to entertain for very long
7:31:34 PM Barstoolio: understood.

8:05:00 PM Nastinchka: Madden's gone Seussian
8:05:04 PM Nastinchka: "the ball is wet"
8:05:07 PM Nastinchka: "the grass is wet"
8:05:11 PM Nastinchka: I have a Colt I like to pet
8:05:22 PM Livia: I will not fly in jumbo jets
8:05:32 PM Livia: I wash my hair before it sets

11:43:42 PM Princess PrettyPants: i already made him the cd
11:43:44 PM Princess PrettyPants: but he lost it
11:43:49 PM Princess PrettyPants: obviously
11:43:54 PM Nastinchka: how appropriate
11:44:05 PM Princess PrettyPants: which even he said i should have seen coming
11:44:09 PM Nastinchka: "I lost it...just like I lost my way...on the path to your heart."
11:44:12 PM Nastinchka: [soulful blinking]
11:44:22 PM Nastinchka: [scribbles poem]
11:44:26 PM Nastinchka: [drinks, a lot]
11:44:37 PM Princess PrettyPants: i lost it... just like i lost my balance when i fell into my notebook and wrote you that poem
11:44:44 PM Nastinchka: I tripped!
11:44:57 PM Princess PrettyPants: i lost control of my poor artist pencil
11:45:03 PM Princess PrettyPants: !!!! what was i to do
11:45:23 PM Princess PrettyPants: chugs whiskey
11:45:31 PM Nastinchka: GOOD OLE WHISKEY
11:45:31 PM Princess PrettyPants: *leans

11:55:16 AM Momma: did you know that when you're learning bellydancing one of the moves/positions is Ronde De Jambe??
11:55:21 AM Momma: takes me back to your ballet days!
11:55:31 AM Nastinchka: ....what are you doing BELLYDANCING?
11:55:44 AM Momma: I have TIME on my hands
11:56:13 AM Momma: and bells

1:09:22 PM Nastinchka: gotta run, but i am sure I'll talk to you post-turkey.
1:10:56 PM Livia: call you from the road tomorrow
1:11:28 PM Nastinchka: lovematurducky
1:11:38 PM Livia: STOP THAT.

Posted by Nastinchka at November 25, 2007 08:45 PM