Snarkastic

Laff Riot 60: We are dangerous when we are near

8:41:16 PM Joan: you know, this really is poetic.
8:41:34 PM Holly: from the mouths of douchebags.
8:41:44 PM Holly: Nothing will ever top the first one, though.
8:41:55 PM Holly: Nothing will ever top "I also think some of you are hatters."
8:42:16 PM Joan: Personally, I think Jesse's sestina is better than "The Wasteland"
8:42:21 PM Holly: Word.
8:45:05 PM Joan: "Let me refraze that" is the new "cannons to the left of me"

7:41:39 PM Holly: We really should have our own series
7:41:47 PM Holly: Not like a VH1 reality thing
7:41:54 PM Holly: but some classy joint like A&E
7:41:59 PM Holly: we could call it The Shmoolings
7:42:08 PM Holly: like The Thornbirds but without the clergy
7:42:17 PM Joan: Like the Tudors, only with good acting and decent scripts.
7:42:40 PM Holly: Oh, except Camden's in seminary. OK. Like The Thornbirds, but with more alcohol poisoning.

10:23:02 PM JHC: Wesley Snipes uses the Total Gym now.
10:23:35 PM JHC: ...and Janine Turner.
10:24:02 PM JHC: [looks to see if she's also in dutch with the govt for tax evasion]
10:25:00 PM JHC: I no longer trust Chuck Norris.
10:25:24 PM JHC: He just said he's used the Total Gym for over 30 years
10:25:39 PM JHC: which predates cable television
10:26:49 PM JHC: and infomercials themselves, thus making the total gym non-existent.
10:27:02 PM JHC: Christie Brinkley looks fab though.
10:27:06 PM JHC: I loved her in Uptown Girl.
10:28:05 PM JHC: I'm not sure the Total Gym is having the intended results with Mr Snipes.
10:28:17 PM JHC: It's made him look like James Brown.
10:28:23 PM JHC: And not the cool one.

7:53:38 PM Joan: what my lamb up to tonight
7:54:00 PM Holly: your lamb is in for the night because she has to go to a bar to liveblog the Pro Bowl tomorrow.
7:54:16 PM Joan: I am so, so sorry.
7:54:22 PM Holly: PEYTON WOOOOOOOOOO
7:54:34 PM Joan: What bet in hell did you lose
7:55:06 PM Holly: this bar serves gin & tonics in pint glasses. I'll be aiight.
7:55:24 PM Joan: i am really hoping chad johnson refuses to wear a bengals helmet
7:55:40 PM Joan: and then carson palmer decapitates him and calmly proclaims "now you don't need a helmet"
3:41:25 PM Joan: jay and I made three dozen cookies and cut them into the shapes of dinosaurs, pigs, seals, elephants, and MISS TULARULA. Then we decorated them with sprinkles and drank two bottles of sparkling cider. and now we're watching some chipmunk movie.
3:41:32 PM Holly: oh dear god.
3:41:55 PM Joan: and we have nathans hot dogs
3:42:16 PM Holly: I have never wanted to be home more than I do right now.
3:42:22 PM Holly: And that includes missing my cousin's wedding.
3:44:02 PM Joan: o9h my god jayhas this memorized

9:43:58 PM PB: You know how I don't like short girls?
9:44:19 PM PB: I don't like too tall ones, either.
9:45:39 PM PB: This uber-tall girl from Beverly Hills in our class has been pestering me to go get drinks and I'm not interested. Her tallness creeps me
9:46:17 PM Holly: A guy taller than her has got to be like catnip to her.
9:47:00 PM PB: Yeah, she's frisky. And I like her fine as a law school pal. But she's like a giraffe. Do not want.

1:17:31 PM Holly: In case your day turns the slightest bit sour, lemme know.
1:17:39 PM Holly: I have a conversation that will lift it.
1:25:28 PM Bella: soooooo sour. Hit me.
1:25:54 PM Holly: OK, this is pretty much what happened:
1:26:41 PM Holly: [scene: Holly and [boy redacted]. Holly is half working, half chattering about her night, wherein a garbage truck woke her up at 5 AM, and wherein she half-jokingly badgers ____ to call the city and pitch a fit]
[a few minutes pass]
____: OK, I can't even figure out who to call. There are like three garbage companies that service your neighborhood.
Holly: I can't believe you looked that up.
____: I'm really something.
Holly: I love you, main main. More than puppies.
Holly: but less than kittens.
[several minutes pass]
Holly: Whatcha doin'?
____: Thinkin' about how to pass kittens.
Holly: Can you grow a tail?
____: [forlornly] not in the back.
Holly: GOODBYE, [BOY REDACTED].

2:20:11 PM Trey: I'll vote your face off.
2:20:39 PM Holly: I'll push your poll.
2:20:44 PM Holly: (THAT'S DISGUSTING.)
2:21:03 PM Trey: I find you fascinating and a little gorgeous.
2:21:11 PM Holly: It's a big club.
2:25:19 PM Trey: So when does this poll-pushing happen?
2:25:32 PM Holly: They don't call it Super Tuesday for nothin'.
2:26:01 PM Trey: The booths are open, girl.
2:26:32 PM Holly: I've got a moral majority with your name on it.
2:26:36 PM Holly: (maybe not moral)
2:27:08 PM Trey: I'm all out of political puns.
2:27:15 PM Trey: Wait.
2:27:24 PM Trey: I'll Barack your socks off.
2:27:40 PM Holly: Do we need a 3rd?
2:27:43 PM Holly: Am I boring you already?

7:34:21 PM Joan: Just a life tip: if Jay ever says we're just going to watch "the first five minutes" of Liza with a Z, know that he is lying.
7:36:40 PM Joan: In other news, I never want to see anyone sing Cabaret ever again.
7:37:03 PM Holly: See, I can safely say I already share that sentiment.

12:00:32 PM Holly: I just substituted a whistle and several graphic hand gestures for the word "bikini wax" in conversation with my producers and I don't think I can come out of here the rest of the day.
12:01:14 PM JHC: I... no. You should take a half day and jump out the window in the bathroom.
12:01:25 PM Holly: under consideration.
12:10:24 PM Bella: You enrich my life, you know that?
12:10:42 PM Holly: It all happened so fast
12:10:52 PM Bella: Last night at a major fundraiser for work I implied accidentally that I had lots of experience unzipping mens pants.
12:11:02 PM Holly: WE are famiLY.

Nothing says BFF 4EVA like arguing over who has more chance of being murdered in her sleep by literary villains.
8:50:39 PM Joan: Also, Julia's lesbian lover's daughter is poisoning Julia with mercury and Christian doesn't believe she's sick.
8:51:09 PM Holly: I bet they're really poisoning Joely Richardson on set because she's such a twatwaffle.
8:51:18 PM Holly: and the storyline was written around it
8:52:46 PM Joan: Christian made some rich woman into a crazy catface whore
8:52:59 PM Joan: You would have cried with horror
8:53:23 PM Holly: I would watch it if I didn't live alone
8:53:24 PM Holly: skeery
8:53:49 PM Joan: you're not alone. the carver is with you.
8:54:25 PM Holly: grinchy gonna getcha
8:55:59 PM Joan: (grinch accompaniment)
8:57:10 PM Joan: well i love maducky but i gotta crash
8:57:18 PM Holly: sleep? if you can
8:57:49 PM Joan: i should have no problem. you're the one with the carver in your closet and a clown clutching a living doll under your bed.
8:58:02 PM Holly: yougotohellandyoudie
8:58:09 PM Holly: I'm not the one alone in that big house
8:58:28 PM Joan: i'm not alone
8:58:35 PM Joan: i have a dog. and an alarm system.
8:58:42 PM Joan: you have a living doll.
8:59:17 PM Holly: and an armed doorman
8:59:41 PM Joan: tell me again how that protects you from murderers already living in your building
8:59:51 PM Holly: ssssshhhh [nose pet]
9:00:07 PM Joan: niiiiight
9:00:15 PM Joan: (one more sleep til the big sleep ukariah)
9:00:23 PM Holly: it will just happen
9:00:26 PM Holly: g'night!

Posted by Nastinchka at February 11, 2008 01:21 PM