Oh, what might have been:
2:22:35 PM Holly: See, this is why I come to you.
2:23:01 PM Holly: And coming to you is also why the greatest comedies of our lives can never see the light of Laff Riot.
2:23:18 PM Princess Prettypants: which breaks my heart
2:23:40 PM Holly: "Take this cake tray as a token of my unwavering devotion, and as you smooth buttercream over the confections of matrimony, think only of my thighs. XOXO, _______."
2:23:48 PM Holly: (OK, maybe that one can go in there.)
1:20:29 PM Holly: Did you get your creepy valentine?
1:20:43 PM PB: Haven't checked mail yet today. Will now.
1:20:51 PM Holly: I apologize in advance
1:20:53 PM Holly: but I had to buy it
1:21:11 PM Holly: and I couldn't think of anyone who would think it was funny (well, Joan, but I had an even creepier one for her)
1:22:14 PM PB: HOLLY ELIZABETH!
1:22:20 PM Holly: THAT'S NOT MY MIDDLE NAME!
1:22:29 PM PB: I needed a middle name. WHAT IS THIS THING?!
1:22:40 PM Holly: I don't know
1:22:43 PM Holly: but it scared the hell out of me
1:22:45 PM Holly: so I thought
1:22:47 PM Holly: DO NOT WANT
1:22:49 PM Holly: and then I thought of you
1:22:57 PM PB: It is alive!
1:23:29 PM Holly: ISN'T IT TERRIFYING?
1:23:50 PM PB: So much for having a baby in my lifetime.
1:24:02 PM Holly: You love it.
1:24:05 PM Holly: You know you do.
1:24:22 PM PB: Of course I do. I'm worked up and screaming and laughing. It's awesome. And Awful.
1:25:26 PM Holly: success!
7:09:27 PM Swindle: UNC is whipping ass in this game
7:09:46 PM Holly: oh, good. I'm only getting sound on my shady cable and I can't really tell.
7:09:49 PM Swindle: Die, private schoolers. You bleed weak merlot
10:01:30 PM Bella: I forgot to tell you on the phone: Tonight at dinner with a bunch of girls, one of them started choking on a cough drop, but no one noticed because they thought the choking noises were me laughing, and it wasn't until the girl went limp that anyone realized she needed to be given the Heimlich, and, you know, saved from death. I think I've reached unexplored levels of bizarreness.
10:01:46 PM Bella: MY LAUGH ALMOST KILLED A WOMAN.
10:03:52 PM Holly: oh, dear.
10:04:12 PM Bella: you say that like I feel bad.
9:20:23 PM Holly: Original Cheezits with red wine; white cheddar Cheezits with champagne, right?
9:20:23 PM Trey: Tabasco Cheez-Its with Bloody Marys.
7:44:01 AM Holly: Crotch rot: Game day, offseason, in Gainesville and out: True Gators take a little piece of Swamp with them wherever they roam.
7:44:11 AM Swindle: NEED EVIDENCE
7:44:20 AM Holly: I AM NOT GOOGLING THAT
12:06:00 PM Joan: Just to recap:
12:06:38 PM Joan: Movies that we have made: 0.
12:06:51 PM Joan: Movies that Noah Wyle has made as THE LIBRARIAN: soon to be THREE.
12:07:24 PM Joan: The third one is apparently called "The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice" and involved Noah Wyle hunting down VLAD DRACUL IN NEW ORLEANS.
12:07:46 PM Joan: Because, you know, Vlad the Impaler was known for his presence in New Orleans, not WALLACHIA.
12:29:03 PM Joan: i know.
12:31:08 PM Joan: life is so cruel.
10:15:19 PM Holly: How's tricks?
10:15:48 PM Dr. Bastard, DDS: Depends on what you mean by tricks?
10:16:01 PM Holly: How do you like sucking cock for money, tramp?
10:16:06 PM Holly: (I miss you!)
10:16:18 PM Dr. Bastard, DDS: And I miss your money.
10:16:38 PM Dr. Bastard, DDS: But really it ain't so bad.
3:20:20 PM Bella: Okay, I know we're not doing details, but I feel like I jumped into one of those McDonalds playground pool of balls but instead it's full of tiny angry badgers.
3:20:35 PM Bella: With teeth.
3:21:12 PM Bella: I keep trying to pet the little badgers and they keep biting me.
3:21:38 PM Bella: I JUST WANT TO LOVE YOU BADGERS.
1:21:56 PM PB: Holly, I know you haven't been paid in two months, but there are children living in garbage landfills in Colombia
1:22:41 PM Holly: "Mister, I have been to Columbia, SOUTH CAROLINA. You DON'T EVEN KNOW."
1:22:47 PM Holly: (seriously, have you been? it's like Lebanon.)
9:18:23 PM Holly: we're making pizzas in a brick oven on the beach
9:18:29 PM Holly: (I don't want to explain this)
9:18:36 PM Holly: and a bell pepper just exploded
9:18:38 PM Holly: I was not injured
9:18:43 PM Holly: but if the story comes up, that's why
9:20:03 PM JHC: I... ok
9:20:07 PM Holly: ?
9:20:25 PM JHC: Just... wow.
9:20:28 PM Holly: ?
9:28:30 PM JHC: sorry I missed the exploding pepper
9:28:36 PM Holly: me too
9:28:38 PM JHC: I think RayRay and I would get on very nicely
9:28:53 PM Holly: he reminds me of your shorties
9:29:04 PM JHC: I would have jumped onto the pepper
9:29:09 PM JHC: to protect everyone
9:29:12 PM Holly: no, Ray Ray did that.
9:29:15 PM JHC: and the brick thing that cooks stuff
9:29:30 PM Holly: (brick thing that makes food)
9:29:37 PM JHC: sorry
9:29:20 PM Holly: he's a volunteer fireman
9:29:32 PM JHC: of course he is
9:29:39 PM Holly: which is why we let him near open flame
9:29:50 PM JHC: and a good decision that was!
9:29:55 PM Holly: right?
4:27:03 PM Holly: thx
4:27:08 PM PB: Thank -you-
4:27:19 PM Holly: Just doin' my job, ma'am.
4:27:22 PM Holly: [tips hat, spits]
4:27:37 PM Holly: [hitches up pants]
4:27:51 PM Holly: [leans against fence looking soulful]
4:27:54 PM Holly: (I'm done.)
4:28:01 PM Holly: [squints]
4:28:03 PM Holly: (maybe not)
4:28:04 PM PB: Was wondering how far you'd go
4:28:16 PM Holly: [flounces off in a snit]
4:28:34 PM Holly: [...into the sunset.]
Posted by Nastinchka at March 31, 2008 06:19 AM
name redacted to cease further incrimination of the crazy... and to protect us all from those thighs.
Posted by: princess prettypants at March 31, 2008 12:19 PMIt's been a while since I last reviewed the Western oeuvre, but are you sure that cowpokes flounce into the sunset?
Posted by: DC Trojan at March 31, 2008 01:30 PMTHIS cowpoke does. [calm stare]
Posted by: Holly at March 31, 2008 03:48 PMI require the full text of that conversation immediately. Snark hath charms to soothe the bitchy breast.
Posted by: j at March 31, 2008 06:09 PM[blinks]
Flounce on, cowpoke. I'll be getting cheated at cards in the saloon if you're looking for me.
Posted by: DC Trojan at April 1, 2008 08:55 AMI googled the Crotch Rot sequence.
Much like Spiderman, it made me gay.