as Edward Norton:
"Oh Jesus, this shanty town's not poor enough!"
"This gutter is WAY too clean. Ship in the necessary filth."
"This extra has eaten in the past two weeks! AND he isn't tubercular? What part of "authenticity" are you struggling with?"
"I've done blow near better tributaries!"
"I banged Salma Hayek in a more suitable bog!"
"Get this fjord outta my sight! Don't you know I directed Keeping the Faith?!!!"
"I was nominated for an Oscar in my screen debut, and you present me with this third-rate brook? it needs to BABBLE, motherfucker. Get off my set."
"William Hurt's hair needs to be MORE silver! It reflects the vein of cold steel running through his soul! Were you born in a fucking barn? LEARN THE SEMANTICS!"
"I ask for wispy and you bring me fucking Liv Tyler?!! I said Johansson! Dammit!"
"Excuse me? Did you just say cut? I was in the fucking MOMENT and you can't wait to stuff a ham sandwich down your gullet? Norton have final cut. NORTON CUT!!!"
"Liv, how many times do we need to go over this? Put your LEFT leg over my hip! God, why do I have to do everything? It's called character building, you fucking MTV hag."
"Somebody get Tim Blake Nelson a bib. He's getting MY scenery all over his clothes."
as themselves:
JESSE: Nice locations.
JOAN: I'm sure we have Edward Norton to thank.
JESSE: 'This gulch won't do. Don't worry, I've found another--better--gulch. [infuriated] YOU CALL THIS A QUARRY?'
JESSE: So far nobody's brought me my latte, today, I dunno 'bout you.
JOAN: Somebody brought me one, but I had to throw it back into their howling, scalded faces because it wasn't caffeinated enough. I had better coffee when I was filming in my handpicked Brazilian ghetto, teaching William Hurt the craft.
Now playing at the Edward Norton Memorial Cineplex near you
It's worth noting that my crush on Edward Norton is only slightly less fevered than my crush on Tom Wilkinson, and that I totally endorse his hissy-fit antics. Exhibit A: Norton-less Hulk? A festering abomination. Benortoned diva tantrum Hulk? Extremely enjoyable.
Posted by: j at July 2, 2008 03:21 PMI was bullied into seeing it and dug the hell out of it. The sound design alone just blew me away. It's no Iron Man, natch, but the Hulk is a stupid character to begin with, and as a brick in the new Marvel universe it holds up very well.
Posted by: Holly at July 2, 2008 03:23 PMIt is a testament to Edward Norton's greatness that he neutralized my boiling contempt for Liv Tyler for TWO AND A HALF HOURS. I am not being facetious. For this alone, I would happily consider him one of the greatest actors of our time.
Posted by: j at July 2, 2008 03:31 PMI thought they were both horrendously miscast and rocked out the whole movie anyway, which I guess is saying something.
Also, what does it say about The Strangers that I couldn't even enjoy watching her get disemboweled?
Posted by: Holly at July 2, 2008 03:33 PMTechnically I don't think this was Norton's cut of the Hulk, this was the more action cut that the studio wanted.
Posted by: Nick at July 3, 2008 08:48 AM...Seriously? That's what you're going with? I think you've missed the point here.
Posted by: j at July 3, 2008 09:23 AMJesus, people, learn SUBTEXT. Argggh!! Get off my thread!
Posted by: Edward Norton at July 3, 2008 09:24 AMI heard better commentary on the set of Death to Smoochy.
Posted by: Edward Norton at July 3, 2008 10:38 AMI played Nelson Rockefeller in Frida. Which, since you don't know subtext, was about a PAINTER! IMPORTANT!
Posted by: Edward Norton at July 3, 2008 12:35 PMNeed I remind you that I am THE ILLUSIONIST? That refers not only to my successful screen portrayal of the magician Eisenheim (for which I learned how to perform real magic, inadvertently surpassing all other modern practitioners of the art and finding myself alone in a realm of supermagicians who never asked for this gift but will do their best to serve it honorably) but also to my ability to pretend that there is another actor in Hollywood who is on my level, when very clearly there is not? Directors may hate me, but I'm still an actor's actor, due to my carefully cloaked disdain for my multitudes of cultural and moral underlings. THE ILLUSIONIST.
Posted by: Edward Norton at July 3, 2008 01:40 PMCan we just start using Edward Norton as a verb meaning "to make totally badass." Like "Man, Arizona State totally sucked until Dennis Erickson fucking Edward Nortoned them*." Something like that.
By "we" I mean America, by the way.
* Dennis Erickson could work as a verb in a similar capacity, really.
Posted by: carlinthemarlin at July 3, 2008 01:50 PMI totally support this.
Posted by: j at July 3, 2008 03:00 PMI've seen better memes at Entertainment Weekly!
Posted by: Edward Norton at July 3, 2008 10:05 PM