Snarkastic

Laff Riot 79: unexpected free time at 5 AM

11:06:35 AM Holly: Jimmy just threw what I think is his third INT.
11:07:15 AM Joan: Somewhere, Casey is laughing. I can't believe he wasn't the worst Clausen.
11:07:35 AM Holly: We were at bottom of barrel.
11:07:38 AM Holly: And they found another one.
11:08:04 AM Joan: I don't have time to start this. I'm getting ready to go to Greekfest. But don't let me keep Casey from the trough.
11:38:13 AM Holly: And now he's limping, and I bet my grad school tuition fund he's faking it.
11:38:38 AM Holly: I just burned myself on the stove, I was laughing so hard I had to catch myself and the nearest surface was red-hot metal.
11:38:48 AM Holly: It was worth it.

12:57:07 PM Holly: SHOCKEY TO NEW ORLEANS
12:57:10 PM Holly: oh my god oh my god
12:57:20 PM Swindle: Well, it was nice knowing him.
1:06:19 PM Holly: It's like a perfect storm of anal sex and gunboating
1:06:27 PM Holly: and shrimp.

Drinking the sand because we don't know the difference:
8:26:07 PM Holly: I can't believe we're f'ing watching this
8:26:15 PM PB: THIS IS AWESOME
8:34:37 PM Holly: You're ahead of me AGAIN!
8:34:41 PM Holly: I see your comment show up
8:34:48 PM Holly: and then a split second later the play happens
8:38:06 PM Holly: Just like when we're watching on TV!
8:38:13 PM Holly: It's keeping the realism of the season intact!
8:40:27 PM PB: This is so much fun
8:40:46 PM Holly: the thing is
8:40:50 PM Holly: I had shit to DO tonight
8:41:00 PM Holly: and here I sit
8:41:02 PM Holly: wine in hand
8:41:11 PM Holly: WATCHING SOME DUDE PLAY A VIDEO GAME ON THE INTERNET
8:41:40 PM PB: I love my life!!!!!!

6:33:46 PM Holly: Can I just biiil it?
6:33:53 PM Holly: (how do you spell boil in that accent?)
6:34:00 PM Miz Naincy: Bile
6:34:07 PM Holly: Bylin' pot
6:34:35 PM Miz Naincy: as in one of the first songs I learned to play on the banjo, whose title is, I swear, "Bile them Cabbage Down"
6:35:01 PM Holly: Oh, I remember.

1:45:30 PM Joan: by the way, verne lundquist just implied that matt flynn's mother had sexual intercourse with matt damon. on national television.
1:45:40 PM Holly: Huh????
1:45:53 PM Joan: they were talking about the resemblance between matt flynn and matt damon
1:46:04 PM Joan: and verne goes "well, you can't blame arlene...matt damon came over one rainy night..."
1:51:23 PM Joan: Holy shit, LSU, calm down. I swear they are going to release the tiger from its cage.
1:51:33 PM Holly: THAT would be good television
2:05:05 PM Joan: the best part was the reaction shot of spurrier. he laughed and then grimaced insanely.
2:05:19 PM Holly: That's exactly what I was looking for from this game.
2:06:07 PM Joan: unfortunately, i also had to see les miles' o-face.
2:11:45 PM Joan: going into the half, spurrier threatens his starting qb with the bench. awesome game.

8:32:09 PM Holly: I don't know what made me doubt you.
8:32:13 PM Holly: I'm pretty drunk.
8:32:14 PM Bella: I was trying to think of a cape joke, but it wouldn't come. Been too long since I went to our goth club.
8:32:24 PM Bella: No worries.
8:32:29 PM Holly: oh, and pain.
8:32:31 PM Holly: in pain.
8:32:37 PM Bella: A loss with fuck up your mind.
8:32:43 PM Holly: HA
8:32:46 PM Holly: yes
8:32:54 PM Holly: Fuck is up my mind.
8:32:59 PM Bella: You're not sick again?
8:33:03 PM Holly: Nah
8:33:10 PM Bella: Football pain.
8:33:15 PM Holly: Yesh.
8:33:18 PM Holly: /connery
8:33:30 PM Bella: Gotcha.
8:34:26 PM Bella: Well, nothing like attacking that with tiny plane bottles.
8:34:33 PM Holly: [hic]

9:48:34 PM JHC: "I was try to see the ball, then swing the bat"
9:48:56 PM JHC: Best quote ever.
9:49:00 PM Holly: MANNY NAP TIME

9:36:00 PM Holly: That postgame interview
9:36:06 PM Holly: is CONCLUSIVE proof of my theory
9:36:12 PM Holly: that Miles is doing all this by accident.
9:36:35 PM Holly: "Coach, walk us through your decision process"
9:36:37 PM Swindle: "Taffy!"
9:36:38 PM Holly: "num num num num"

2:21:32 AM Holly: So I just snapped awake, completely freaked out, with no clue why
2:22:12 AM Holly: and in the time it took for me to collect myself, get up, pour water, drink water, and get back to bed, I had an email from my girlfriend in Hollywood saying "WHEE EARTHQUAKE"
2:22:20 AM Holly: So I guess that's what they're like.
2:22:47 AM 'Bus: I was going to check for breaking news, see if you'd felt a disturbance in the force.
2:23:02 AM Holly: Just in the tectonic plates.

10:20:21 AM Joan: We're seeing National Treasure 2: Book of Shmoocrets with Wheeler, right? We need to make this happen.
10:20:28 AM Holly: FIND HIM.
10:20:39 AM Joan: He still keeps an office.
10:20:43 AM Holly: Go get him.
10:20:46 AM Holly: Like, today.
10:20:50 AM Holly: And pass along my compliments.
10:21:06 AM Joan: "Dr. Wheeler, don't panic....just put this bag on your head. We'll explain in the car."
10:21:48 AM Holly: In my head he stands up in the middle of the screening, turns to the audeince, calmly tears all the precepts of the movie limb from limb with well chosen words, then sets fire to the building and walks out without a backward glance.

10:05:36 PM Holly: Can I call you tomorrow night?
10:06:09 PM Princess PrettyPants: yes. lateish. i have a show. im very busy and slightly famous. now i have to go condition my hair
10:06:32 PM Holly: kisses
10:06:42 PM Holly: Also, am pitching again tomorrow
10:06:48 PM Holly: pray to your shiny-haired god.
10:07:02 PM Princess PrettyPants: i AM my shiny haired god

3:22:15 PM Holly: I can sense the hyperbole through the nyquil haze, and I appreciate you taking my side on this even though I'm clearly not reacting in an adult fashion.
3:22:17 PM Holly: That means a lot.
3:22:39 PM PB: He made a cat noise.

11:57:19 AM Swindle: It's really bad when you make yourself laugh, in theory.
11:57:45 AM Swindle: " Tom Coughlin looks like he slept in a kiln." I just laughed out loud at that. Again.
11:59:23 AM Holly: It's timeless
11:59:40 AM Swindle: He did. I've never seen a man that chapped.
11:59:58 AM Swindle: He looked like a scalded angry hamster baby

The hallowed origins of Bad Movie Twitter Sundays (patent pending):
3:16:21 PM Holly: THERE IS SOMETHING ON THE CW
3:16:29 PM Holly: WITH NEVILLE SINCLAIR FROM THE ROCKETEER
3:16:36 PM Holly: AND HE IS DRESSED LIKE A NAZI
3:16:41 PM Holly: but I think it's sci fi
3:16:45 PM Holly: NO
3:17:06 PM Holly: NO
3:17:14 PM Holly: IT'S NOT TIMOTHY DALTON IT
3:17:22 PM Holly: S JASON IAACS
3:17:26 PM Holly: ISAACS
3:17:36 PM Holly: AND I THINK GARY BUSEY IS OVER IN THE CORNER
3:17:38 PM Holly: WHAT IS HAPPENING
3:17:46 PM Holly: AND WE JUST ZOOMED INTO KURT RUSSELL'S EYE
3:17:51 PM Holly: WHAT THE FUCK MOVIE IS THIS
3:27:14 PM Joan: unclear
3:27:19 PM Joan: but i am not a fan.

8:35:14 PM JHC: I love how they tell you to "GET TRANSFORMERS NOW!!! WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!" as if there's a chance they'll run out.
8:35:29 PM Holly: they could reTURN to SPACE, helLO.
8:35:57 PM JHC: Would they take Bay?
8:36:04 PM JHC: And the Mountain Dew?
8:53:28 PM Holly: We can hope.

5:34:25 PM PB: Poor thing.
5:34:31 PM Holly: Oh, and I have an ear infection.
5:34:36 PM Holly: Am I in preschool?
5:34:40 PM PB: Jesus!
5:34:40 PM Holly: WHAT THE HELL.
5:34:56 PM Holly: I spent all last night crying and rubbing the side of my head like an angry baby
5:36:12 PM PB: What's next? Chicken pox?

8:41:43 AM MMP: I wouldn't mind seeing a team go 16-0, even if it was the Gaytriots
8:42:02 AM Holly: If it has to happen, I would love to see it in a year when the Dolphins went 0-16. I like symmetry.
8:42:10 AM MMP: yeah, like a butterfly
8:44:37 AM MMP: a very manly, pugnacious butterfly
8:44:47 AM Holly: I was gonna say.
8:45:31 AM MMP: I'm not even gonna bother trying to find the Bengals this afternoon
8:45:46 AM MMP: I'll go out and then get back by 4 for The Game of Significance
8:46:09 AM Holly: I live right down the street from a sports bar. Which is convenient, since I'll need to be taken home in a wheelbarrow.
8:46:57 AM MMP: and I'm sure they have some of those in the vicinity
8:47:08 AM Holly: Borrow one off a hobo.
8:47:18 AM MMP: or a shopping cart
8:47:31 AM MMP: you'll have to share the ride with about 85 cans
8:47:32 AM Holly: That could work! Just fold me up, drop me off.
8:48:15 AM MMP: paper or plastic?
8:48:46 AM Holly: Paper, over my head, if we lose by 20. Plastic, over my head, if we lose by more than 40.
8:49:06 AM MMP: sound philosophy there

10:52:55 AM JHC: IF there is a mention of lotion and baskets I will love you forever.
10:54:18 AM Holly: I tried to put Tebow's head on Precious, but it wasn't working.
10:55:28 AM JHC: lotion in the baskets = my heart always
10:55:36 AM Holly: It's at the end.
10:56:10 AM JHC: It's in the second sentence!
10:56:22 AM Holly: twice!
10:56:25 AM Holly: What do I get now?
10:56:42 AM JHC: An additional heart of your choosing.
10:56:45 AM JHC: Or a head.
10:56:48 AM Holly: still beating
10:56:54 AM JHC: Of course.
10:57:03 AM JHC: the head? still bleating.
10:57:09 AM Holly: I'll let you know

4:00:11 PM Joan: is it time to send harrison smith a card with COME HOME COME HOME COME HOME scrawled on it in blood?
4:00:18 PM Joan: or should we wait one more week?
4:00:41 PM Holly: Wait for what?
4:02:14 PM Joan: to send harrison the card with COME HOME COME HOME COME HOME scrawled on it in blood? one more loss might be enough to get him on a plane.
4:02:31 PM Holly: Sorry, that was a joke.
4:02:40 PM Holly: By which I mean GET HIM BACK HERE

12:00:22 PM Swindle: You need to make a new Shockey seal
12:00:29 PM Swindle: Three words, like a state motto
12:00:40 PM Swindle: AIRBOATS/SODOMY/VOODOO
12:00:55 PM Holly: No, in Latin.
12:00:56 PM Swindle: All on the background of a fleur-de-lis
12:01:04 PM Swindle: Airboat in latin...hmm...
12:13:31 PM Holly: Shockey seal: In Molson Nos Fides
12:13:41 PM Holly: (or whatever he drinks. What does he drink?)
12:13:52 PM Swindle: Good question
12:13:56 PM Swindle: Anything?
12:14:06 PM Swindle: Miami guy. RUM.
12:14:18 PM Holly: In Cruzan Nos Fides.
12:19:15 PM Swindle: "I believe we can overcome our dependence on foreign oil by getting more head from skanks."
12:19:28 PM Swindle: More head. More skanks. Shockey '08.
12:14:54 PM Holly: E Pluribus Twinsex

Posted by Nastinchka at July 29, 2008 05:54 AM