Snarkastic

Laff Riot 80: If they ask you how this happened, say I forced you into this

9:00:48 PM PB: where is agrauraua hills
9:00:57 PM Holly: About an hour north.
9:01:14 PM Holly: They have tarantulas! Like, running around! I poked one with a stick!
9:01:31 PM PB: BOO.
9:01:39 PM Holly: They're kinda cute!
9:01:51 PM Holly: it was just sitting there in the middle of the horse trail
9:01:56 PM Holly: I hopped down and started messing with it
9:02:00 PM Holly: and it gave me this look
9:02:17 PM Holly: Like, "It's a hundred and ten goddamn degrees out here and I'M COVERED IN FUR."

12:38:55 PM Holly: Life shore is funny sometimes.
12:39:02 PM Swindle: FUCK YOU
12:39:22 PM Swindle: Sorry, it's my instant response to anything folksy not involving a sodomy joke

7:02:09 PM Livia: i just made a purple cobra sound in appreciation.
7:37:02 PM Livia: i love watching the realization of their imperfection dawn on the alabama fans.
7:37:15 PM Holly: It's so not over
7:37:20 PM Holly: you see the end of the game last week?
7:37:22 PM Livia: I know
7:37:24 PM Livia: BUT
7:37:36 PM Livia: their fans are slowly figuring out that nick saban is not bear bryant
7:37:39 PM Livia: and it is extremely enjoyable
7:37:45 PM Livia: even though i still want them to win
7:38:29 PM Holly: What's a bylaw?
7:38:45 PM Livia: sean has started using the white goodman voice all the time now
7:38:51 PM Holly: bawwwww
7:39:05 PM Livia: what the hell (knocking soda and hot dog out of child's hands)

1:07:53 PM 'Bus: Glad to hear you survived
1:07:54 PM Holly (Autoreply): earthquake WHEEEEEEE
1:08:07 PM Holly: That SUCKED.
1:08:37 PM 'Bus: Well, at least now you can claim real LA cred.
1:08:38 PM 'Bus: Sorta.
1:08:51 PM Holly: I'm street!
1:09:54 PM 'Bus: Except the fact that you could have followed that statement with "*wiggle*" and it would not have been unlike you.
1:10:15 PM Holly: I'm STREET [flounce]

10:26:59 PM Holly: I just got a google hit for "animal holly edsbs". Every day, a little death.
10:27:27 PM S2N: hmmmm....someone confused their college football fixation with a possible fetish
10:27:36 PM S2N: that's the only explanation I've got for that one.
10:27:54 PM S2N: for every bad combination of search terms, someone has already created a fetish site for it
10:28:15 PM Holly: That ought to be some sort of scientific law, named after you.
10:29:57 PM S2N: it will be issued in the Google Edition of the Internet Bible
10:31:25 PM S2N: naturally there are competing editions -- the Microsoft Edition omits Netscape from its background; paints Yahoo in a very poor light. scholars find this one unreliable.

7:41:21 PM Livia: we should move to germany
7:41:30 PM Livia: they pay teachers 70 thousand dollars a year!
7:42:04 PM Livia: downside? they regard you as permanent workers, which means you get insured, but also that germany thinks they own you, which rarely ends well.
7:42:26 PM Holly: But if we like them, isn't it just like having a very strict sugar daddy?
7:43:02 PM Livia: but enjoy the vintage wine and beautiful women!
7:44:07 PM Livia: THROW TO THE ZONE DAMN YOU.

12:26:01 PM Holly: You know how in jurassic park the female dinos spontaneously changed sex to be able to breed?
12:26:18 PM Holly: Life finds a way. If Miami won't U up again, somebody else has to to reset the Florida equilibrium.

3:45:40 PM PB: Did you just nudge me??
3:45:44 PM Holly: ...NO
3:45:48 PM Holly: ....maybe.
3:45:54 PM PB: twitter: Nastinchka nudged you to update your Twitter. You can do that by replying to this message.
3:46:07 PM Holly: Oh, I thought it was just like a facebook poke.
3:46:12 PM Holly: I didn't know it encouraged you to do shit.
3:46:14 PM PB: Sorta is
3:46:18 PM Holly: OBEY THE TWITTER
3:46:34 PM PB: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TELL THE WORLD.
3:46:53 PM Holly: I AM SO IMPORTANT
3:46:57 PM Holly: EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW
3:47:23 PM PB: THE OTHER 12 PROGRAMS ON THE INTERWEBS THAT UPDATE MY STATUS DON'T CAPTURE ENOUGH OF MY DAY
3:47:49 PM Holly: BUT THIS ONE DOES IT FROM my PHONE

12:35:48 PM Holly: We just had us a earthquake
12:35:55 PM Princess PrettyPants: JESUS
12:36:04 PM Holly: and your "And Sutekh Smiled" picture frame you gave me fell off the shelf and cracked
12:36:16 PM Princess PrettyPants: its like california knows casey is there and it wants him out
12:36:22 PM Holly: Right?

5:21:48 PM Livia: When I inevitably start my own charter school, do you think we could co-teach Spite?
5:22:04 PM Holly: Can we call me a spiteist in residence?

10:04:08 AM Holly: What speech affectations do we do for a crocodile?
10:04:18 AM Holly: How does one phoneticize crunching bone?
10:04:29 AM Swindle: CRICKKKCLELLLDDDDCCCCKKKKKSNAP!
10:04:47 AM Holly: bravo.

12:56:16 PM Barstoolio: SHOCKEY! This is the ultimate in awesome tawdriness.
12:56:26 PM Barstoolio: HIDE YOUR STRIPPERS, LOUISIANA!
12:59:06 PM Barstoolio: The best part of this is when his posse ferrets him away from a fight on an AIR BOAT.

6:42:32 PM Momma: he taught himself to be fluent in Spanish during the last fews years so he could communicate with the hordes of immigrants at your former school
6:42:48 PM Holly: HOW NICE. Now he can scare small children in their native tongue.
6:42:51 PM Momma: don't get me started on him.
6:43:06 PM Holly: I know better.
6:43:26 PM Momma: every time he crosses my path, I snub him with great aplomb.
6:43:33 PM Holly: GOOD.
6:43:37 PM Momma: not that he notices, but it meets my emotional needs.

9:00:50 PM Holly: But that's my only defense. Anyway, you were right--it doth rock.
9:01:05 PM PB: What doth rock?
9:01:11 PM PB: The movie?
9:01:12 PM Holly: the...movie?
9:01:26 PM PB: Did I say it was gonna rock?
9:01:41 PM Holly: You said it looked kinda awesome, I said I could not be paid to see it
9:02:02 PM PB: Ah, excellent! My instincts are incorrigible!
9:02:04 PM Holly: Um, I mean I KNEW IT
9:02:05 PM Holly: YEAH
9:02:07 PM Holly: YOU WERE WRONG
9:02:23 PM PB: I can always tell these things.
9:02:25 PM Holly: I never take advantage and rewrite our history the way I think I really could.
9:02:31 PM Holly: You would never know.
9:02:48 PM PB: I have good instincts!
9:03:01 PM Holly: Oh, Crackers.

3:57:23 PM Holly: come on, turtledarlings.
3:57:58 PM Livia: put wake forest into the deadlights.

6:14:28 PM Holly: in the continuation of the wheel of Holly's brain lasers
6:14:34 PM Holly: Someone slashed _______'s tires
6:14:38 PM Holly: Like, FLAT flat.
6:14:38 PM PB: !!
6:14:43 PM Holly: And I've been in this chair all day
6:14:50 PM Holly: Seriously, what else can I do?
6:14:56 PM PB: lol
6:15:03 PM Holly: I'm staring at my hands like a nascent superhero in an origin story
6:15:16 PM PB: Remind me to stay on your good side
6:15:18 PM Holly: This seems like
6:15:31 PM Holly: I was just saying this seems like the kind of thing that can't be used for good.
6:15:46 PM PB: By all means

11:30:51 AM Swindle: have you ever seen a vertical treadmill?
11:32:51 AM Swindle: I lasted ten minutes on one once.
11:32:59 AM Swindle: I couldn't pick up a pencil afterwards
11:33:06 AM Holly: I guess it'd be good for kids, practicing so close to the ground
11:33:14 AM Holly: if determined to mold them into mtn goats
11:33:30 AM Swindle: Oh, my kids are going to climb.
11:33:35 AM Swindle: I won't even have to tell them to.
11:33:42 AM Swindle: I'll just have to ask them to wear a rope.
11:33:53 AM Holly: And a helmet cam.
11:34:08 AM Holly: "RAYRAY COLQUITT MANNING, THIS IS FOR posTERity!! SMILE GODDAMMIT"
11:34:24 AM Swindle: "COME ON, STEVEN ORR SWINDLE HALL!"

7:55:24 PM Livia: Major Applewhite has made some sort of deal with the devil.
7:55:33 PM Holly: Jesus, Applewhite
7:56:12 PM Livia: If they win this game, Shula should just send Nick Saban a note that says "You're Welcome".
7:57:14 PM Livia: Then he should parade through the streets of Tuscaloosa on an elephant.
7:57:56 PM Holly: I think you mean "Wednesday".

12:56:45 PM Holly: I looooved Rodriguez. Shades and all. Having him at freaking Michigan is going to be painful and odd.
12:58:35 PM Swindle: What do your relatives think of Stewart?
12:59:03 PM Holly: There's a hard age gap
12:59:12 PM Holly: The old people like him and think Rodriguez is a punk
12:59:51 PM Holly: The young'uns want to hit the AD and his sidekick until candy falls out

9:54:23 PM Holly: OK, interrupt: I'm watching Shark Week
9:54:30 PM Holly: and this guy has something like a fire extinguisher
9:54:49 PM Holly: and it releases a foam int he event of a shark attack that's supposed to "irritate" a shark.
9:54:56 PM Holly: WHO WANTS TO IRRITATE AN ATTACKING SHARK?
9:55:04 PM Spawn: this could not possibly sound like a worse idea.
9:55:21 PM Holly: Unless the foam were made from live fish.
9:55:36 PM Spawn: live fish compressed and stored in a fire extinguisher
9:55:25 PM Spawn: is the next shot of him getting torn to pieces by a frustrated shark?
9:56:41 PM Holly: When life hands you lemon sharks...

Posted by Nastinchka at August 4, 2008 10:58 AM