Snarkastic

Laff Riot 94: Love is a many-splendored motherfucker

10:53:10 AM Nastinchka: oh my god, it is a high school game
10:53:22 AM Swindle: Houston Nutt, continuing to go deep in the Fayetteville high playbook
10:55:05 AM Swindle: Okay, let's keep track: redzone calls.
10:55:12 AM Swindle: 1. Fumblerooski
10:55:16 AM Swindle: 2. Halfback pass
10:56:12 AM Nastinchka: This is fun!
10:56:28 AM Swindle: 3. false start
10:56:48 AM Swindle: 4. Snead plays grabbit
10:57:01 AM Nastinchka: statue of liberty
10:57:26 AM Swindle: 5. delay of game
10:59:09 AM Swindle: 6. Snead throws to invisible ghost of Archie manning open in deep left third
10:59:47 AM Swindle: 7. Fail Mary
10:59:48 AM Nastinchka: OK, it took me until 4 to realize you weren't listing what was actually happening
10:59:51 AM Nastinchka: it's that plausible

11:03:09 AM PB: OTTER!
11:03:24 AM PB: Or beaver! Something CUTE. On my balcony!
11:22:34 AM Nastinchka: OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER (what is an otter doing on dry land on the second floor of a building? WHO CARES)
11:24:27 AM PB: Sending you camera phone picture of otter. Hard to see what it is, but trust me, it's a cute otter or beaver or something
11:31:36 AM Nastinchka: AWWW CUTE FURRY THING ON MY PHONE

9:46:06 AM Swindle: HA. Indiana's qb called for a late hit on an INT return
9:46:10 AM Nastinchka: LOLOL
9:46:21 AM Swindle: You threw the pick, and then you give them 15
9:47:08 AM Nastinchka: That's OUR play!
9:47:17 AM Nastinchka: I have to admire that

10:38:17 PM Swindle: I just said this to Peter, but this was Eagle Eye
10:38:33 PM Swindle: A disembodied female voice called Mike Riley and said
10:38:43 PM Swindle: "YOU HAVE TO BEAT USC OR YOU WILL DIE"
10:38:45 PM Nastinchka: There's not a lot of other explanation
10:38:59 PM Swindle: "They're controlling the offensive line, the secondary...it's uncanny."

9:48:08 AM Nastinchka: I would LOVE to see somebody following Nutt around filming him in 60 fps
9:48:11 AM Nastinchka: like a hummingbird
9:48:23 AM Swindle: fast!

6:24:31 PM Nastinchka: "Look at our records"
6:24:41 PM Nastinchka: LOOK AT THE GUY VOTING IN LINE WITH THE PRESIDENT 96% of the time!
6:28:41 PM Nastinchka: I'm sorry, was the question "recite your entire platform?" I stepped out for a drink
6:29:01 PM PB: I knew there was a reason I skipped all these during the primaries

9:53:31 AM Nastinchka: oh, for the love of
9:53:33 AM Swindle: They run the old Peyton naked boot
9:53:50 AM Nastinchka: the reason you call it naked is bc your qb looks like a fetus in a jar
9:53:56 AM Nastinchka: which is also why they named it after Peyton
9:54:18 AM Swindle: Officially nervous
9:54:47 AM Nastinchka: we're going to need synonyms for bat country before too long

10:27:15 AM Swindle: It's a shame you can't use the word "shitty" on network television.
10:27:28 AM Swindle: It would be so apt for that punt
10:29:03 AM Swindle: Our o-line is the stupidest o-line ever to o-lineerate
10:29:15 AM Nastinchka: I'ma stitch that onna pillow
10:29:27 AM Nastinchka: Or a sampler over the locker room door: "Bless this mess."

10:45:22 AM Swindle: Duck...duck....goose!
10:45:25 AM Nastinchka: tag!
10:45:31 AM Swindle: If you're going to go offsides, go big, son

4:25:31 PM Nastinchka: Marking calendar.
4:25:44 PM Nastinchka: Because holy hell, you are going to need either armed backup or a documentarian
4:27:22 PM Princess PrettyPants: maybe i shouldnt go
4:29:36 PM Nastinchka: I think you should wait till May like the plan says.
4:30:30 PM Nastinchka: Also, is lupus the thing that turns you into a werewolf? because it would really explain a lot.

10:48:29 AM Swindle: If they're actually in rhythm now, look for them to put Ole Miss through seven tortures in in the second half, each more perverse than the next.
10:48:42 AM Swindle: 'Fesser is in Clemson
10:49:38 AM Swindle: He said that if Mangino made a porno with Friedgen, he'd "have to watch it in a Lovecraftian spirit."
10:51:19 AM Swindle: You've been Gerg'd!
10:52:48 AM Nastinchka: it needs another syllable
10:52:51 AM Nastinchka: Gergx0red

6:40:17 PM PB: No - I was saying that to McCain: "We cannot have a losing failing thing that loses things that fail."
6:40:30 PM Nastinchka: notice the operative FAIL word FAIL
6:41:02 PM PB: This would be so much more interesting if there were producers who stamped large "FAIL" graphics across the screen when McCain talks.
6:42:02 PM PB: Like, when he says 'Maverick,' they bleep it out and show a picture of a dead ducklet. FAIL
6:42:20 PM Nastinchka: Don't bring the ducklets into this, sadist

11:08:08 AM Nastinchka: "If success doesn't come to you very quickly you get frustrated sometimes."
11:08:12 AM Nastinchka: >...are they talking about Syracuse?
11:08:29 AM Swindle: Yes
11:08:35 AM Swindle: I told you this was magic
11:11:37 AM Swindle: I love it when they catch Dave reading off the cheat sheet he keeps in his lap
11:11:52 AM Nastinchka: Life's simple pleasures

11:15:35 AM Nastinchka: Duke scores!
11:19:01 AM Nastinchka: DUKE PICK!
11:19:02 AM Nastinchka: WOOOOO
11:19:44 AM Nastinchka: Cutcliffe Second Half Adjustment Apparatus is quite operational
11:20:07 AM Swindle: Green laser; first down.
11:21:31 AM Nastinchka: Duke is bowl-bound.
11:21:33 AM Nastinchka: Write it down.
11:21:38 AM Swindle: I'm with you
11:21:58 AM Swindle: I call onside
11:22:35 AM Nastinchka: DUDE
11:22:39 AM Nastinchka: Duke touchdown
11:22:59 AM Nastinchka: That's no moon
11:23:02 AM Nastinchka: it's a space station

6:58:13 PM Nastinchka: KIss. KISS. KISS YOU FUCKING PEACOCKS
6:59:47 PM PB: The only thing that could rescue this is if a spirit-broken Sarah Palin bull-rushed the stage, screaming "STREEEEAAAAKKK!", drunk on pure corn liquor.
7:02:35 PM PB: Wazirostan: The New Afghanistan!
7:02:44 PM Nastinchka: Is that a board in Mario Kart?
7:02:52 PM PB: totally is
7:03:00 PM Nastinchka: KISS, GOD DAMN YOU BOTH
7:04:54 PM Nastinchka: oh my god peter he's so old
7:05:37 PM PB: Him + Palin = first time ever I don't cringe when people say, "I'm leaving if these two win."
7:05:48 PM Nastinchka: I hear ya
7:08:23 PM Nastinchka: achmehkwslfjhalksgahjad
7:08:47 PM PB: "As an aside, Jim, it's hard to say Achjemadjaezdjad with a softball sewn into your cheek."
7:10:17 PM Nastinchka: Johnny Mac on the mic like a vandal
7:19:28 PM Nastinchka: Russia is gonna be in soooo much trouble when its father gets home.

11:56:02 AM Swindle: I hate this offense.
11:56:04 AM Swindle: I repeate
11:56:10 AM Swindle: IN olde englishe
11:56:19 AM Nastinchka: yea, verily, motherfucker
11:56:34 AM Nastinchka: I almost feel bad for them, that's how bad it is
11:56:42 AM Nastinchka: This is very nearly tipping my hate index

7:24:25 AM Nastinchka: oh, man.
7:24:38 AM Nastinchka: I got up at 5:30 and jacked the air down even more cause it was like 85
7:24:44 AM Nastinchka: and now it's too cold to get out of bed
7:24:50 AM PB: I've done that before
7:24:51 AM PB: Many times
7:24:56 AM Nastinchka: and I need to be in the shower in six minutes if I want to be at work on time.
7:25:02 AM PB: Cover separation anxiety is paralyzing.
7:25:13 AM Nastinchka: I'm like, tryyyying to stick a leg out
7:25:19 AM Nastinchka: but it's just not happening.
7:25:23 AM PB: Be careful.
7:25:32 AM Nastinchka: COLD COLDCOLD PORCELAIN FLOOR
7:25:34 AM Nastinchka: fuck THAT
7:25:34 AM PB: You could try The Drape n Run move.
7:25:42 AM Nastinchka: no, comforter too heavy.
7:25:45 AM PB: Hmm
7:26:02 AM PB: You're stuck with a naked plunge then. Scary.
7:26:11 AM Nastinchka: *whimper*
7:28:00 AM Nastinchka: OW
7:28:09 AM Nastinchka: OK, I somehow managed to tweak my Achilles
7:28:11 AM Nastinchka: IN BED
7:28:13 AM PB: Wow
7:28:21 AM Nastinchka: It's a sign. Calling in sick.

11:57:50 AM Nastinchka: Duke 24, UVa 3
11:57:51 AM Nastinchka: haHA
11:59:10 AM Nastinchka: And Maryland ahead by 3!
11:59:22 AM Swindle: I called that one, at least
11:59:39 AM Nastinchka: turtlefearengeschmeltzsang
11:59:55 AM Swindle: Why? Because Tommy Bowden got a bitch mentality

5:34:31 PM Nastinchka: not any particular testament to my awesomeness
5:34:32 PM PB: Great greatness
5:34:34 PM Nastinchka: but I STILL GET IT
5:34:38 PM Nastinchka: [dance break]
5:34:40 PM PB: Congrats :)
5:34:56 PM Nastinchka: ...I just dapped myself.
5:34:59 PM Nastinchka: It wasn't planned.

12:01:21 PM Nastinchka: This Syracuse thing has to be my favorite.
12:01:27 PM Nastinchka: because not only did they lose again
12:01:34 PM Nastinchka: they gave it away in the 4th quarter
12:01:45 PM Nastinchka: It's like they find new ways to inflict pain on their fanbase
12:02:04 PM Swindle: The agony comes in new and awesome variations
12:02:17 PM Swindle: Speaking of, Dexter McCluster just ripped off a 50 yard td on us
12:02:26 PM Swindle: We're fucked.
12:02:35 PM Nastinchka: I'm....
12:02:39 PM Swindle: I'm sorry: that's 40 yards
12:02:40 PM Nastinchka: Seriously, I got nothing.
12:03:05 PM Nastinchka: I still don't think you'll lose.
12:03:10 PM Nastinchka: I don't really know why.
12:03:54 PM Swindle: The scoreboard says you are in error
12:04:12 PM Nastinchka: I just can't process this
12:04:17 PM Nastinchka: like a phantom limb
12:04:21 PM Nastinchka: Phantom Good Offense
12:04:55 PM Swindle: Greg Hardy has the right legally now to steal Terron Sanders car.
12:05:06 PM Swindle: He's been that dominant

12:47:57 PM 'Bus: How is Obama getting played like a fucking girl scout?
12:48:12 PM Nastinchka: How do girl scouts get played?
12:48:56 PM 'Bus: Old men catch them with their pants down, and then they lose the election and send the country spiraling ever further downwards.
12:48:59 PM Nastinchka: gross
12:49:16 PM 'Bus: I assure you I hadn't thought the metaphor through in advance.

12:13:48 PM Nastinchka: Here, I've summed up Vol Nation
12:13:54 PM Nastinchka: I just got a text from a buddy
12:13:56 PM Nastinchka: first of the day
12:14:07 PM Nastinchka: Simply reading: "[sigh]". It's not even kickoff yet.
12:14:20 PM Swindle: Powe miss tackle go boom
12:14:23 PM Swindle: Powe sorry

12:15:45 PM Nastinchka: 31-3 Duke
12:15:50 PM Nastinchka: Groh isn't even trying
12:16:03 PM Swindle: AHHdkjsdhfglksjdfhglksd
12:16:03 PM Nastinchka: there's a minute and a half to go and he's running the ball and running the clock down
12:16:06 PM Swindle: Joy!
12:16:14 PM Nastinchka: this is HILARIOUS
12:16:27 PM Nastinchka: they're eating clock just so they can get off the field
12:17:19 PM Nastinchka: o-ver
12:17:31 PM Nastinchka: AND THE STADIUM IS LIKE A FOURTH FULL
12:17:38 PM Nastinchka: Oh, they just panned up to the stands. SO SAD

12:50:09 PM PB: Why is Dancing with the Stars popular?
12:50:23 PM Nastinchka: Don't know, but I like that it is, even though I don't watch it myself.
12:50:33 PM PB: Never seen it
12:50:41 PM PB: Just doesn't seem like a show people would go for
12:50:51 PM Nastinchka: Me either, but every hour that America is captivated by ballroom dancing can only improve it.

1:14:52 PM Swindle: Gary is killing Crompton
1:14:58 PM Nastinchka: Week 2
1:15:07 PM Nastinchka: He was lashing the shit out of him last week, all week
1:15:18 PM Swindle: "I dunno if he's not supposed to throw the ball down the middle for a touchdown."
1:15:24 PM Nastinchka: I mean, it's warranted, technically, but holy shit he seems to hate him
1:29:01 PM Swindle: Does Jonathan Crompton use the same playbook?
1:29:16 PM Nastinchka: Wait, you think he can read?
1:29:22 PM Nastinchka: He got an alligator in spelling.
1:31:58 PM Swindle: Watching your game now.
1:32:08 PM Nastinchka: Welcome. We are still bad.
1:33:53 PM Nastinchka: And it's a mark of the season that I say that despite the fact that we're hanging in there.

1:40:15 PM Swindle: Gary Danielson does not need to call another vol game
1:40:39 PM Nastinchka: He's been after both of 'em all game, worse than last week
1:45:12 PM Nastinchka: Remember that time we kept throwing the goddamn ball?
1:53:21 PM Swindle: What astonishes me is the ability of Crompton to throw the ball to no one in particular
1:56:38 PM Swindle: I think Gary and Tennessee need a cooling-off period
1:56:52 PM Nastinchka: He is MIAOWsome
2:00:20 PM Nastinchka: "KEEP ENCOURAGING HIM"???
2:00:28 PM Nastinchka: Did Phil eat Bill Stewart?
2:00:40 PM Swindle: You wish
2:00:50 PM Nastinchka: It would solve one problem.

4:20:02 PM Nastinchka: WE'RE GOING TO DOLLYWOOD
4:20:03 PM Nastinchka: WE ARE
4:20:12 PM PB: I shouldn't argue with caps lock.
4:20:15 PM Nastinchka: No.
4:20:34 PM Nastinchka: Because it means I've got a subject in my maw and am shaking it like a puppy with a duck.
4:20:42 PM Nastinchka: So to speak.
4:20:48 PM PB: That's a complicated metaphor.
4:21:01 PM Nastinchka: sssshhhhh. Don't fight this.

2:45:07 PM Nastinchka: If you need me, I'll be over here, losing to Auburn.
2:45:18 PM Swindle: I still think you're going to win
2:45:29 PM Nastinchka: This is actually a little comforting.
2:46:26 PM Swindle: BTW: My mom just texted me, "WTF?"

3:00:34 PM Swindle: I think Katie Couric just elected Obama.
3:00:46 PM Nastinchka: I think she's taller than Jacquizz.
3:00:52 PM Swindle: And meaner
3:03:09 PM Nastinchka: Can't we import Carla Bruni instead?
3:03:12 PM Nastinchka: She's got better skin
3:03:39 PM Swindle: Yes, and likely a better understanding of policy.
3:03:54 PM Nastinchka: I love the moment at the end when Wolf says it's not her best answer and they cut to Jack rolling his eyes for like a millisecond

9:49:07 AM Nastinchka: (Autoreply) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
9:49:11 AM Swindle: Did you step on a lego?

11:46:35 AM Nastinchka: and I think I should have stayed in bed
11:46:38 AM Nastinchka: because so far:
11:46:44 AM Nastinchka: 1. Our office is flooded from all the rain
11:46:49 AM PB: ugh
11:46:49 AM Nastinchka: 2. Including our VAULT
11:46:54 AM PB: eek
11:46:59 AM Nastinchka: 3. Mike's car got broken into
11:47:13 AM PB: uh oh
11:47:14 AM Nastinchka: 4. We've been questioned by the police because a neighbor woman has gone missing
11:47:20 AM PB: !!
11:47:31 AM Nastinchka: 5. And Creepshow is wandering around the building with a mop, sobbing uncontrollably and no one knows why.
11:47:41 AM Nastinchka: So on the whole, it's actually sort of entertaining.
11:47:52 AM PB: i agree with your assessment: go back to bed
11:48:03 AM Nastinchka: But it's one of those days where I'm kinda afraid to go outside for fear I'll be crushed by a falling anvil.

6:55:38 PM Nastinchka: I didn't notice they did the Georgia endzones in black too. How tawdry.
6:55:54 PM Swindle: Yes. They're tacky, horrible people.
7:20:25 PM Nastinchka: Think our collective malevolence doomed this game?
7:20:32 PM Swindle: Yes.

Posted by Nastinchka at September 29, 2008 10:32 PM