Snarkastic

Dispatches from Momma, Episode 65b

Right, except this. When we last saw Our Heroine's mother...

From: [Momma]
Date: October 7, 2008 2:02:00 PM PDT
To: [Holly]
Subject: more of my camp report

We took a hike up through the old, abandoned Elkmont summer cabins (the former summer playground of Knoxville's "elite," to quote the historical sign posted there) so Debbie could show us where she spent her childhood summer vacations. On the way there we passed a sign saying the campground just beyond was closed due to AGGRESSIVE BEAR ACTIVITY. I wasn't too concerned, because mountain lore says you have no need to fear bears as long as there's one person in your group you can outrun.

The only other critter we encountered was with a yellow jacket; the vile thing made me spill my mimosa! I eventually triumphed, however; he met his well-deserved demise after he lit on a plate of sliced tomatoes and I whacked him with a huge roll of paper towels. Since both a roll of paper towels and a pile of tomato slices are fairly soft, I had to whack him multiple times to truly slaughter him. Of course, I also slaughtered the tomatoes AND we were left with smushed tomatoes all over the end of our last remaining roll of paper towels, but IT WAS WORTH IT because I SHOWED HIM WHO'S MORE EVOLVED.