I'm on the fence about this. On one hand, I've never in my life behaved as reprehensibly in a movie theater as I did during The Mummy Returns. On the other hand, we have a decade's worth of jokes because of that experience. Is it terribly wrong of me to want this movie to be horrific?
This isn't like Transformers. No angry letters to Sommers. Partly because, again, while Van Helsing is the worst movie ever made not named Napoleon Dynamite, the experience of watching it while recovering from surgery was one of the highlights of the best summer of all time ("error: clown in edit bay"). And partly because, well, while it's a big slice of our childhoods, G.I. Joe is not exactly well-represented in the artistic canon to date. Trust me, there's nothing there to ruin. When Bubby and I were little we were into those little plastic records and read-along books. A couple years back on a visit home I was cleaning out my closet and found one -- G.I. Joe and the Secret of the Mummy's Tomb. We played it, and there was no way of knowing this when we were at an age to appreciate it, but hand to God, the mummy has a Cockney accent.
So far be it from me to encourage Stephen Sommers in anything, but what would I do with my summers if he stopped making movies? In the case of G.I. Joe, the universe provides: Not only do we have more fun tearing strips off Sommers movies than anybody else's, there's really nowhere for this franchise to go but up.
Obviously you've never seen "Lost in Space." Or the remake of "Planet of the Apes." Mark Walberg and Matt LeBlanc could have a vacuous-off.
Posted by: Harris at June 15, 2009 03:53 PMFrom what I gather, the comic book series were actually pretty good. So you can be offended on their fans' behalf if you want.
Posted by: Devin McCullen at June 15, 2009 03:56 PMNah. I've already expended way too much emotional energy this summer on Wolverine and Terminator, and Transformers still to come.
Posted by: Holly at June 15, 2009 04:00 PMHere's the problem: Van Helsing was fucking awful, but we semi-enjoyed it because it was about campy vampires and werewolves (campires?)...GI Joe will have neither of these.
Posted by: j at June 15, 2009 04:22 PMZOMG I have this tape!!!
(we have to see this together. Perhaps we'll survive)
Posted by: Big Daddy at June 21, 2009 07:20 PMI'm apparently seeing it in Birmingham, actually, but there is a science museum and barbecue and liquor involved.
Posted by: Holly at June 21, 2009 07:23 PM