Penelope Cruz, Nine
LIVIA: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. If there was an audience better prepared to like this movie than Jay and me, sitting in a totally empty theatre and eating sea-salt-sprinkled dark chocolate like there was no tomorrow, I would like to hear about it. Instead, the highlight of the film was the 2 minute National Guard propaganda that aired immediately before Nine started. It was a clunky piece of trash totally without merit, and the worst offender was Penelope Cruz. Even Daniel Day-Lewis came out of this one smelling like a turd. Cruz simpered and gyrated her way through the movie like she was a DMV employee by day, chorus member at a community theatre by night.
NASTINCHKA: Livvy and Jay hated Nine so much they convinced me not to see it. They convinced me not to see a big spectacle movie-musical. That's some moving. I have not heard this level of vitriol for a piece of theatre out of either of them since the CBT attempted Buried Child.
Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart
LIVIA: I haven't seen the movie, but my mom has, and she was deeply unimpressed with Maggie Gyllenhaal. That's good enough for me.
NASTINCHKA: I love M-Gyll in freaking everything to the point of finding her delectable in goddamn Mona Lisa Smile, but what she's doing on this list at the expense of, say, Melanie Laurent is a puzzlement and a bother. Who knew reflected Jeff Bridges glory had this much cachet?
Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
NASTINCHKA: Hers is the slice of Up in the Air most deserving of the hype. Believe it. This is the kind of performance where critics will toss around words like "luminous" and "revelation", which, gross, but completely justified.
LIVIA: I would like to know why the lovely Miss Farmiga was not nominated for her awesomely hilarious and self-aware performance in "Orphan", which she clearly had a great time making. Of all the people nominated for Oscars this year, she is the one that would be the most fun to have a drink with. "I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING MOMMY!'
Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
LIVIA: We first saw Anna Kendrick in Camp, which turned out to be one of the most divisive movies ever amongst our Hive. Half of us thought it was hilarious, delightful, spot-on parody, and half of us thought it was contemptible, cliched, worthless trash. Holly and I both correctly perceived that it was Option A, and Anna Kendrick's insane performance was a big part of that. Save the speech, rummy. She's fucked, I'm ready, and the goddamn show must go on.
NASTINHCKA: See above, re: La Gyllenhaal, but I loved Anna Kendrick as Fritzie so freaking much in Camp that I'm willing to forgive all manner of sins. Even continued appearances in the Twilight series. Yeah, it's like that.
Mo'Nique, Precious
LIVIA: Mo'Nique is FUCKING TERRIFYING in "Precious". She was far scarier than Freddy Krueger, the weird mutants from The Hills Have Eyes, or the Mant have ever been. She deserves this Oscar.
NASTINCHKA: And to perform like that, then go all "woe betide my ass" when it comes time to promote the movie? A true Hollywood monster.
EGREGIOUS SNUB HORRIFYING IN SCOPE
LIVIA: Melanie Laurent in Inglourious Basterds. She made that film. It was a lovely and haunting performance.
NASTINCHKA: Desolee, Shoshanna.
WINNER: Mo'Nique.
Posted by Nastinchka at March 6, 2010 03:17 PM