Snarkastic

Laff Riot 151: All Together Now

3:36:15 PM Nastinchka: So, I just read "dual-threat quarterback Terrelle Pryor" as "duh-threat quarterback Terrelle Pryor"
3:36:21 PM Nastinchka: and my first thought was not that I'd misread
3:36:26 PM Nastinchka: but "Wait, that's Boeckman!"
3:36:26 PM Swindle: But that you meant that
3:36:39 PM Nastinchka: "Who is this hack writer mixing up their An Ohio State quarterbacks?!"
3:36:57 PM Nastinchka: For one flash of one moment I was sure someone had mixed up Pryor and Boeckman
3:37:04 PM Nastinchka: Coming down from that wasn't happy

10:52:48 AM TGB: what are those crazy deep sea fish with all the giant teeth
10:52:57 AM Nastinchka: Like in Nemo? I dunno
10:53:03 AM TGB: like they have a whole grill of 'em
10:53:09 AM TGB: in real life
10:53:10 AM TGB: hmmm
10:53:16 AM TGB: this is gonna take a while to google
10:53:29 AM Nastinchka: OH god WAIT
10:53:31 AM Nastinchka: that's a lantern fish
10:53:35 AM Nastinchka: DO NOT GOOGLE
10:53:41 AM Nastinchka: I will not sleep tonight
10:54:04 AM TGB: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
10:54:12 AM Nastinchka: I TOLD YOU
10:54:13 AM TGB: INSTINCTIVELY RETRACTED TOES
10:54:21 AM TGB: Thank you. I KNEW you'd know!

7:36:09 PM Nastinchka: I really only just got to where I could tell MWC and WAC teams apart without looking
7:36:14 PM Nastinchka: and this is trying my meager skill at that
7:36:38 PM Swindle: HA HA TOO BAD FOR YOU

11:28:07 AM Nastinchka: Knock knock.
11:28:13 AM Swindle: Playing along
11:28:28 AM Nastinchka: Craig Brewer might replace the director of Newsies on the new Footloose remake.
11:28:40 AM Swindle: FUUFUFUASlkjhasdlkjfhasd
11:28:43 AM Swindle: YAAAAAAHHHH
11:28:50 AM Nastinchka: Dancing is not a crime. THIS IS [chain fight]
11:28:50 AM Swindle: Newsies just got fucking RAW

12:15:37 PM Nastinchka: I have a nice routine with applepeople
12:15:54 PM Nastinchka: "This is my fourth battery in 28 months. Do you think it might be something other than the battery causing problems?"
12:16:05 PM Nastinchka: "Well, let's get you a new battery and see how that goes."
12:16:08 PM Nastinchka: It's nice to have hobbies.

8:29:06 PM Nastinchka: VINCEYPANTS!
8:50:42 PM PB: He on TV?
8:50:52 PM Nastinchka: He is PASSING
8:51:12 PM PB: Pimp.
8:51:13 PM Nastinchka: I said the phrase "Vince Young's dong" in conversation today and thought of you
8:51:28 PM PB: I almost replied to He is PASSING with "With his cock?"
8:51:55 PM PB: What was your context? Things that are enormous and can cut diamonds?
8:51:59 PM Nastinchka: This is what HD was made for

12:21:53 PM Swindle: If I had to pick one friend to watch play the game of "intercourse hero," it would be Rick Muscles
12:22:11 PM Swindle: He'd be really aggressive with it
12:22:19 PM Nastinchka: Doug was reading his tweets last night, and sighed aloud: "I wish MY balls were the Olive Garden of something."
12:22:38 PM Nastinchka: None of us ever really measure up to Muscles.
12:23:08 PM Swindle: The slow transition between states would be the most entertaining part

7:48:50 PM Nastinchka: I just got the best twitter spam EVER. "Live Horse Sex is now following you!"
7:49:09 PM Nastinchka: HOLY FUCK IT'S REAL
7:49:17 PM Nastinchka: DO NOT CLICK

8:29:34 PM Swindle: Bowden: "I'm not taking 2 million from Florida State for doing nothing
8:29:49 PM Swindle: ("But I'll take $2 mil to employ my worthless son.")

12:35:46 PM Nastinchka: I think I'll kick off with Arkansas
12:35:59 PM Nastinchka: Since their message-boarders love us to distraction
12:36:22 PM Swindle: (i.e. FOIA'ing our credit histories)
12:36:28 PM Nastinchka: i.e. that, yes

6:25:35 PM Dolla Bill: You're VERY pretty
6:25:41 PM Nastinchka: [preen]
6:26:07 PM Dolla Bill: You're so pretty Tiger Woods would cheat on his unbelievably hot Viking wife w/you
6:26:17 PM Nastinchka: LOLZ
6:26:18 PM Dolla Bill: and then take a driver to the face for it
6:26:58 PM Dolla Bill: seriously, every American male who's ever had to beg for sex from a remotely acceptable-looking woman owes Tiger a boot to the nuts.
6:27:14 PM Nastinchka: He's hogging the broads!
6:27:17 PM Dolla Bill: ZACTLY
6:27:46 PM Dolla Bill: Like, "Hmm, doop-dee-doo, this smokin'-hot piece of Scandinavian pussy is NICE, but I'm Tiger Woods, I feel like I deserve more."
6:27:53 PM Dolla Bill: Fuck him with a broom handle.
6:28:23 PM Dolla Bill: No, fuck him with FOUR broom handles -- a white one, a black one, an Asian one, and one for whatever the fuck the fourth thing he is.

1:27:30 PM Swindle: Do you like that Mark Dantonio has a designated day for fun?
1:27:41 PM Nastinchka: "like" does not even begin to cover it

8:34:50 PM Livia: Sean and Spencer just did their own versions of "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WIFE"
8:34:53 PM Livia: and now I am pleased.

11:28:14 AM Nastinchka: Do they make mobiles with video screens? Put one in the crib with that on a loop. Little Luther Spikes-Swindle will grow up strong like methed-up pit bull.
11:28:45 AM Swindle: He has my face. I feel so sorry for him. This will take years to explain.
11:28:59 AM Nastinchka: Lil graven idol!
11:29:06 AM Swindle: "I didn't mean for this to happen, padawan."
11:30:04 AM Nastinchka: All you have to decide is what to do with the giant square noggin that is given you.
11:30:16 AM Swindle: /cries

This was when I was staying up in Kennesaw, and dinner went about how you'd think it would.
1:43:44 PM Nastinchka: I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO TOMORROW NIGHT
1:43:50 PM Spawn: I'm so scared
1:43:57 PM Nastinchka: A PIRATE RESTAURANT just opened up down the street from my house
1:44:02 PM Spawn: NO.
1:44:04 PM Nastinchka: there's a 10-foot leering purple octopus on the roof
1:44:04 PM Spawn: WHAT.
1:44:10 PM Nastinchka: in a SHOPPING CENTER in suburban inland Georgia.
1:44:10 PM Spawn: AMAZING.
1:44:13 PM Nastinchka: We have to see this.
1:44:29 PM Nastinchka: I've been too scared to go inside.
1:44:33 PM Spawn: I don't know what to do with this information.
1:44:44 PM Spawn: but together we can brave the purple octopus.
1:45:03 PM Nastinchka: The octopus is the worst of it.
1:46:13 PM Spawn: you can't say that. you don't KNOW until we go inside
1:47:51 PM Nastinchka: It shares a parking lot with Publix. How bad could it be?
1:48:32 PM Nastinchka: [opens door, ushers in Death with winning smile]
1:49:16 PM Spawn: I like a bit of optimism as I'm heading to a meal that will surely be my doom.
1:49:44 PM Nastinchka: We've had a good run.
1:50:01 PM Spawn: I'd trade it all for a pirate restaurant.
1:50:12 PM Spawn: do you think the waitresses are dressed as pirate wenches?
1:50:20 PM Nastinchka: God, probably
1:50:46 PM Spawn: question 1(b) do you think they'd hire me if I made it perfectly obvious that I only wanted the job for the costume and planned to quit immediately afterwards?
1:51:11 PM Nastinchka: I don't see why not
2:01:04 PM Spawn: beautiful
2:15:27 PM Nastinchka: According to the website, THEY HAVE OCCASIONAL LIVE ACTS
2:15:37 PM Spawn: oh dear lord.
2:15:49 PM Nastinchka: I'm "sad" we'll miss the juggling magician
2:15:57 PM Spawn: juggling. magic. musical comedy.
2:16:00 PM Spawn: I need this in my life
2:17:39 PM Nastinchka: We're gonna die. This is AWESOME.
2:17:58 PM Spawn: there is a wine list.
2:18:08 PM Spawn: I bet the "pirate bay selection white zinfandel" is just spectacular
2:18:17 PM Nastinchka: There's a PIRATE SUNDAE.
2:18:44 PM Nastinchka: Think the Pina Colada milkshake comes with rum, or should we bring a bottle?
2:19:05 PM Spawn: they actually have, on the MENU, a CROSSED OUT PRICE with the lower price written in in red
2:19:10 PM Spawn: I thought they only did that in car commercials
2:19:21 PM Spawn: I don't know that a bottle of rum is going to be enough.
2:19:21 PM Nastinchka: So, basically, we're dealing with Red Lobster here, but with bandannas.
2:19:23 PM Nastinchka: And a magician.
2:19:25 PM Spawn: I might bring a camelbak.
2:19:47 PM Spawn: I've always thought that Red Lobster could be improved with a purple octopus and juggling.

Posted by Nastinchka at August 24, 2010 03:49 PM