Snarkastic

Laff Riot 10: The Musical

At. Last.

I know, I know:
nicodemus055 (12:54:45): I must have snarkses.
Nastinchka (12:54:50): I?M NICK. I?M SEVEN.
[later]
nicodemus055 (13:08:21): Ping?
Nastinchka (13:08:26): Ping.
nicodemus055 (13:08:34): Why has it not fed me snarkses?

LiviaHarlowe (23:03:04): have i told you about my demented dream where fran and rosey were giant metal robots who had a battle royale over who got to play me in my biopic? hahahaha
Nastinchka (23:04:18): ..............
LiviaHarlowe (23:07:39): fran won but only because she ripped off roseannes legs and she fell into this ditch

Nastinchka (21:02:27): That's. Disgusting.
Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (21:02:27): iiiii'mmm so hott and sooapy...(hot and soapy hot and soapy)
Nastinchka (21:02:36): I hope to God you're in the shower.
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:02:51): not anymore
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:02:54): :-D
Nastinchka (21:03:08): Ok, you asked for it....
Nastinchka (21:03:20): (....shaZAM).
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:03:37): oddly enough, nothing...
Nastinchka (21:03:49): Ruh-roh. I need a new weapon.
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:04:47): hehehe
Nastinchka (21:04:57): *plots*
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:05:18): excuse me, that came out wrong... i meant MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Nastinchka (21:05:29): Oh, you are SO getting it.
Nastinchka (21:05:33): And not in a Good Way.
ShiftyEyedGuy (21:17:40): i hear gunshots outside

LiviaHarlowe: and go see the village
jangel139: OH WHOA.
jangel139: and saw it already
LiviaHarlowe: with an open mind and closed thighs.
LiviaHarlowe: iknow how the progeny of ron howard might affect you.

Googlewarring:
ImYourBasicHero (18:48:36): this has predicted that danny will come out on top this year, killing chip and takin the room as his own
Nastinchka (18:49:11): Awesome.
Nastinchka (18:49:21): We're totally using this for all important life decisions from now on.
ImYourBasicHero (18:49:54): lol, i agree... an excelent idea
ImYourBasicHero (18:51:14): wow... surprisingly, you come out on top in a battle against a machine gun... apparently you are secretly supergirl

First day in Malta:
nick says:How was your day?
Holly says:Okay, I actually got to go to a class.
Holly says:Literally, A class. My first one was postponed till next week.
nick says:Why?
Holly says:THey can't find a room to have it in.
Holly says:I'm not kidding.
nick says:Lol
nick says:The things you take for granted...

Right after Kiss Me, Kate:
LiviaHarlowe (23:08:04): hott
LiviaHarlowe (23:09:49): it's too darn hot
LiviaHarlowe (23:09:54): (toooo darrrrrrrn hot)
Nastinchka (23:18:44): flap toe heel step suck suck

After being menaced at A Bar:
Nastinchka (00:31:12): Keiran and Matt had to beat them off.
Nastinchka (00:31:20): Or, well, glare them off.
ShiftyEyedGuy (00:31:21): that sounds dirty
Nastinchka (00:31:31): You look dirty.

Right after that woman was arrested for stalking Elijah Wood:
Nastinchka (14:08:29): You know, it occurs to me, as I speak to Joan on the phone, that I haven't physically laid eyes on her in about a week.
Nastinchka (14:08:45): She admits nothing.
De Armac (14:09:06): and the phone has that mysterious 'in the czech republic' sound
Nastinchka (14:09:49): I did wonder why she called collect.

Again:
nicodemus055 (13:16:23): It's 1:16. Do you know where Joan is?

Again:
jangel139: oh ROO. Elijah Wood Stalker Arrested. Funny, have you seen Joan lately ...?

LiviaHarlowe (02:10:25): We made her. The student has become the master.
Nastinchka (02:10:55): The student has become the irritant.

Nastinchka (02:18:33): I'm so exhilarated I misspelled exhilarated.
ShiftyEyedGuy (02:18:37): that's... comforting in a way

Judieyy: wow...everyone's in here
Judieyy: well...not EVERYONE.
Judieyy: but everyone.

Nastinchka: You do realize we just lost beginner spades to a robot.
nicodemus055: and some girl

LiviaHarlowe (16:32:21): listen to this!!!! ***********(4:26:57 PM): yeah this is so pitiful but i saw his jacket and smelled it and fell to my knees and just started crying it was awful
LiviaHarlowe (16:32:36): i can hear the noise you just made from here.
Nastinchka (16:33:01): Sorry, that was the thud of me simultaneously hitting the floor and vomiting.
LiviaHarlowe (16:33:24): Duh. I know all your sounds by know. GOD, it's like we've been married for 50 years
Nastinchka (16:33:38): Yes. Yes, it is.
Nastinchka (16:33:23): So she doesn't, in fact, miss the Scarecrow most of all?

ShiftyEyedGuy (23:51:03): and i've decided i need some people to model. i'm not sure yet what i want to do, but i need some people. i'm trying to think of people who would do it
Nastinchka (23:52:15): Wait till the first ACT meeting, mention that, and you'll have them around the block. Bless our little whorish babies.
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:52:41): good idea. bless them indeed
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:52:45): :-D
Nastinchka (23:52:52): Bless ALL OVER them.
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:52:56): lol
Nastinchka (23:52:59): Oh, man, that was WRONG.
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:53:08): a little bit

jesse says:cool. I feel like there's gonna be Holly's Page - The Deleted Scenes pretty soon

nicodemus055 (12:02:49): They took away all the garbage cans on the Boston streets.
nicodemus055 (12:02:56): Possible bomb hiding places, so they say.
nicodemus055 (12:03:11): People have been pitching their garbage into the empty metal can frames.
Nastinchka (12:03:41): Ok,. the column I have that says "proof I worship a benevolent god"? That's going in the other one.

LiviaHarlowe (15:03:22): Ein Fisch, zwei fischen, rote Fische, blaue Fische. Dieses hat einen kleinen Hut. Dieses hat eine kleine Katze. PONYBOY.
Nastinchka (15:03:39): CAN"T
Nastinchka (15:03:41): BREATHE
Nastinchka (15:04:18): There needs to be a button that's the oposite of warning, because I really think that's the single funniest thing you've EVer Said, and that's saying A Lot.

Nastinchka (02:08:03): Sing it with me: Deny, deny, deny.
ShiftyEyedGuy (02:08:20): deny, deny, deny

jangel139 (13:34:38): However, I've been freaking Nick out by being just like you, him, and Joan for the past hour.
Nastinchka (13:34:47): I wouldn't lump him in with us.
jangel139 (13:34:53): No, no, separately.
Nastinchka (13:35:03): Of course, under the right circumstances I wouldn't lump Joan in with nick and I...
Nastinchka (13:35:05): Kay.
jangel139 (13:35:50): He's gotten really upset.
jangel139 (13:35:54): nicodemus055 (1:23:54 PM): You are NOT ME.
Nastinchka (13:36:13): Ok, I'm recusing myself from this conversation.

Maltese internet woes:
Guyfun420: damn MOL
Nastinchka: ja
Guyfun420: what happened, did the goat stop chasing the carrot?
Nastinchka: pretty much

nicodemus055 (18:31:15): Judge strikes down Gov. Bush's brain-dead woman law
nicodemus055 (18:31:44): I read that with woman and brain-dead both modifying law.

LiviaHarlowe (14:51:11): somebody pushed danny's crazy button
Nastinchka (14:51:27): They're ALL crazy buttons.

Nastinchka (15:03:41): Would it be ill-advised to repair a shredded cable sheath with Krazy Glue? Will it heat up?
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:03): i would suggest electrical tape
Nastinchka (15:04:21): I tried that first. DIdn''t work.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:26): hmmm
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:30): got me
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:39): give it a shot
Nastinchka (15:04:50): Well, it's too late, as I've already done it, I'm jsut wondering if I should be worried. O:-)
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:04:58): if you don't show up tonight, i'll assume it was the fumes

Auto response from jangel139 (19:24:18): Well, if your mother said she was going to buy you diamonds if you GET IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW, what would YOU do? .... That's right.

Auto response from Nastinchka (02:41:09): Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base
Are belong to you.

Worst Typo Ever:
Nastinchka (15:28:51): the laptop poewr cabel
Nastinchka (15:28:55): GOD
nicodemus055 (15:28:57): EEK

LiviaHarlowe (19:20:10): I think I need to see it again, and without drinking three margaritas beforehand so this time I don't shriek "MONSTER BEHIND YOU HE BEHIND YOU RUN BITCH" at a crucial point in the film.
LiviaHarlowe (19:20:28): No joke.

Allais500 (14:11:08): I've been told I watched Starsky and Hutch last night, but I don't remember much because of the drunk...did I like it?
Nastinchka (14:11:30): .....you know I wasn't there, right?

It's not:
Nastinchka (18:54:28): So my parents came home from south Carolina
Nastinchka (18:54:33): And they were all 'look at our pictures'
Nastinchka (18:54:40): And 'we brought you shells"
Nastinchka (18:54:54): And as I was playing with my shells, they started showing me pictures of this big-ass marble room, and I was all "The hell?"
Nastinchka (18:55:15): And they were all "We're glad you like your shells. Oh, and that's the lobby of the building WHERE WE JUST BOUGHT A CONDO."
jangel139 (18:55:55): oh holy shit
Nastinchka (18:55:59): 16th floor, ON THE BEACH.
jangel139 (18:56:09): Wow.
Nastinchka (18:56:09): it's GORGEOUS.
jangel139 (18:56:23): My dad randomly bought a bag of mango chips the other day
jangel139 (18:56:26): but I don't think it's the same thing.

Auto response from Nastinchka (13:16:17): The call is coming from inside the house!
Auto response from AIMLESSMAC (14:12:39): "I'll wear your face!"
Nastinchka (14:12:57): Well, that answers THAT question.

nicodemus055 (14:05:56): My mind is on hypertwirly.
Nastinchka (14:06:04): It shows.
nicodemus055 (14:06:45): It gets cranky and silly when it needs a nap.

Moving Day:
Nastinchka (19:24:45): Isaac could prolly carry our tv by himself, with Jay on his back giving commands.
LiviaHarlowe (19:24:54): YES
LiviaHarlowe (19:24:58): ike can carry my b ed
Nastinchka (19:25:06): I think we should buy Jay a sedan chair.
LiviaHarlowe (19:25:45): i think we should poke around in his nervous system until we hit the spot that makes you stutter, then call him "uncle clau clau" just like in i claudius.

rhysfeezled (01:02:34): hand me my sheet music...
rhysfeezled (01:02:34): its the one that says "bad mother cameo"

jangel139 (6:31:21 PM): You're very pretty.
Theaterbop (6:31:31 PM): aw shucks
jangel139 (18:31:30): It wasn't a compliment.

Nastinchka (15:26:07): ROO
KeiranOHara (15:26:13): tbeer

Duck and cover, Caesar:
Nastinchka (15:22:19): So Joan just called me.
Nastinchka (15:22:24): From the Dixie Stampede.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:22:32): lol
Nastinchka (15:22:35): Apparently they have buffaloes there; did you know?
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:22:52): no
Nastinchka (15:23:01): Me neither.

jangel139 (16:14:36): Okay, is Joseph Conrad the one you warned me about?
Nastinchka (16:15:21): yesh.
jangel139 (16:15:45): I understand.
jangel139 (16:15:47): I am horrified.
Nastinchka (16:15:55): Yeah.
jangel139 (16:16:08): It's actually painful.
jangel139 (16:16:16): I didn't know a book could cause internal bleeding.

Moving Day again:
LiviaHarlowe (14:32:14): get stewart to move your desk.
Nastinchka (14:32:16): Awesome.
LiviaHarlowe (14:32:19): he'll likely owe us one anyway
Nastinchka (14:32:21): I wish I could move my stuff to your hosue.
Nastinchka (14:32:33): By then? Yeah, he'll certainly have racked somehting up.
LiviaHarlowe (14:32:38): make him carry it on his back and juggle things while wearing one of those little grinder monkey hats
LiviaHarlowe (14:32:59): i'll provide the music if you'll provide the juggling items.
Nastinchka (14:33:06): Awesome.
Nastinchka (14:33:11): Are small animals aiight?
Nastinchka (14:33:22): I'm SO GLAD we don't have to do the teevee.
LiviaHarlowe (14:33:25): Only if alive and conscious.

Moving Day Again, again:
ImYourBasicHero (14:33:28): got movin van
Nastinchka (14:33:30): ?
Nastinchka (14:33:31): :-)
ImYourBasicHero (14:33:41): so close i can taste it
Nastinchka (14:33:45): Ew.
Nastinchka (14:33:54): It tastes like concrete and prerequisites.

Nastinchka (01:11:41): OOOH. Televised dodgeball!!
Nastinchka (01:12:07): *rolls over on back, kicks air, turns off brain*
Nastinchka (01:12:16): *like a baby batting at a mobile*

nicodemus055 (14:42:04): When I minimize you it shows your buddy icon in my dock.
Nastinchka (14:42:13): Cool!
Nastinchka (14:42:23): *minimizing joke*
nicodemus055 (14:43:09): Witty response about how it can't be done*
Nastinchka (14:43:36): *discarding of barb and gleaning of hidden compliment to my rack*
nicodemus055 (14:45:47): * explaining in very small terms that it's not the size of your rack so much as your worth as a person that I was belittling *
Nastinchka (14:46:30): *explaining in overly elaborate terms, with visual aids, that I cast away the barb and kept the compliment, as is my wont as A Girl*
Nastinchka (14:46:55): Nastinchka (14:43:36): *discarding of barb and gleaning of hidden compliment to my rack*
nicodemus055 (14:48:28): *giving up, as arguing with a female is as pointless as the original barb*
Nastinchka (14:48:41): :-(
Nastinchka (14:49:00): *turns the whole affair into a rock opera anyway*
Nastinchka (14:49:10): *on ice*
Nastinchka (14:49:15): *avec Penguins*
nicodemus055 (14:49:17): *with puppets*
nicodemus055 (14:49:19): Or that
Nastinchka (14:49:20): Or that.
Nastinchka (14:49:25): AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

LiviaHarlowe (19:25:12): "Seth Green Caught in Near-Fatal Incident on Movie Set"?!?!?!?!?!? FIRST JOHN RITTER AND NOW THIS. PENNYWISE IS MAKING HIS WAY THROUGH THE CAST OF IT.
Nastinchka (19:25:21): I KNOW!!!
Nastinchka (19:25:23): I SAW!!
Nastinchka (19:25:27): It was a whirlpool
Nastinchka (19:25:31): DID WE CALL THIS OR WHAT??
Nastinchka (19:25:39): WE SAID IT WAS GONNA BE HIM
LiviaHarlowe (19:25:47): "He jumped into a tide pool that he couldn't get out of and almost got sucked under a rock...[by a fucking CLOWN ARM]"
LiviaHarlowe (19:27:09): Why couldn't it have been Annette O'Toole? You know how Pennywise is going to get her. She and Michael McKean are going to be innocently writing a song together about rainbows or puppies or rainbow-colored puppies and he's just going to turn into the fucking clown and eat her face off.
Nastinchka (19:28:08): We have to warn her. Get your coat.
LiviaHarlowe (19:28:29): WARN her? We should try to get the film rights.
LiviaHarlowe (19:29:06): "Annette O'Toole perishes in bloodbath: Masses question, 'Who? No, wait...Peter's wife? Oh, his daughter. Right."

Joining the race for Best Snark Ever:
Nastinchka (15:10:53): so i may or may no hae just glues my left hand to my laptop
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:10:58): lol
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:01): LOL
Nastinchka (15:11:01): hence the lack of shift keys and punctuation
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:11): AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Nastinchka (15:11:13): NOT FUNNNNU\Y
Nastinchka (15:11:18): (funny)
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:26): yeah, it really is
Nastinchka (15:11:29): :-(
Nastinchka (15:11:32): OW
Nastinchka (15:11:38): HEZLZP
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:42): did you get it off?
Nastinchka (15:11:44): NO
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:11:55): use nail polish remover
Nastinchka (15:12:01): BUT I FOUND THE CAPS LOCK
Nastinchka (15:12:22): OWOWOWOOWOWOW
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:13:10): NAIL POLISH REMOVER
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:13:14): GO
Nastinchka (15:13:30): I WILL HAVE TO CARRY THE LAPTOP
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:13:38): and...?
Nastinchka (15:13:43): AND WORK A COTTON BALL AND A SCREW OFF LID WITH ONE HAND
Nastinchka (15:13:52): UT'S BEST AND BRIGHTEST
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:14:03): well, what are you waiting for
Nastinchka (15:14:04): THIS WILL BE A MERRY JAUNT
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:14:12): it's that or stay glued
Nastinchka (15:14:22): YES, IT IS.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:15:21): at least it's not a table:-D<----add horns
Auto response from Nastinchka (15:15:21): ;kjkh;ioiupuohj;'lkcaryinglaptop to bathroom clost don't ask pls advise
Nastinchka (15:20:20): GOD.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:20:49): how 'boucha?
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:20:56): is it off?
Nastinchka (15:21:00): Yes.
Nastinchka (15:21:04): Along with some skin.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:21:23): yeah, i thought it best not to tell you that part
Nastinchka (15:21:54): The nail polish remover dinna work. I had to rip.
Nastinchka (15:22:01): OW.
ShiftyEyedGuy (15:22:02): ahhhh
Nastinchka (15:22:13): aaaand....scene.

De Armac (14:19:59): i hope catwoman is out on video in time for Christmas so we can watch it together.
De Armac (14:20:15): along with the showgirls VIP edition.
Nastinchka (14:20:21): YES.
Nastinchka (14:20:45): I can see them rushing it to video, and I can see thm putting it off in the hopes that the public forgets how Horrid it was.
De Armac (14:21:51): maybe they should go the showgirls route and embrace it's horridness.
Nastinchka (14:22:31): And put out a VIP (Very Important Pussy) edition. (Come to think of it, why didn't they use that for the Showgirls DVD?)
De Armac (14:23:40): oh, i'm sure they did, they just did advertise it.
De Armac (14:25:42): the best is how halle berry was all "oh, i felt so empowered and it helped me get over the breakup of my marriage"
Nastinchka (14:25:53): Didn't the Showirls one come with a blindfold? The Catwoman one should come with earplugs, the better to appreciate Halle's abs and ignore the script.
Nastinchka (14:26:08): That's movie-speak for "Sharon Stone and I fucked like rabid bunnies."
De Armac (14:28:50): well, sharon is certainly rabid.
Nastinchka (14:30:55): I'll drink to that. (And so will she.)
De Armac (14:31:38): she can't drink because of the brain hemorrage.
Nastinchka (14:31:50): I meant blood.
De Armac (14:32:17): oh, of course.

nicodemus055 (12:27:21): Did you know that they only retire the names of the really big hurricanes?
nicodemus055 (12:28:16): You can talk about Andrew and everyone knows what you mean, but Marco could have destroyed both your house and the house of a poor Puerto Rican family.
Nastinchka (12:28:36): I was not aware of this.
nicodemus055 (12:28:43): I wonder how you feel to have your life crushed by a hurricane that's not even big enough to have its name retired.
nicodemus055 (12:29:36): I imagine its much the same as being in the Pentagon on 9/11, or a citizen of Nagasaki in '45.
Nastinchka (12:29:43): I was about to say.
Nastinchka (12:29:50): In regards to the Pentagon.
nicodemus055 (12:30:02): Maybe it's much like having your career crushed by a movie no one will ever see.
Nastinchka (12:30:19): *glances about derisively for Halle Berry*
nicodemus055 (12:30:30): Fucking that Catwoman fuck.
Nastinchka (12:30:38): ...was that an active verb?
nicodemus055 (12:30:38): Er, with out the ing.
nicodemus055 (12:30:49): Fuck that fucking Catwoman fuck.
Nastinchka (12:30:56): Or fuck that Catwoman flick.
nicodemus055 (12:31:22): Halle Berry fucking Catwoman would be all over the internet in 13 minutes.
nicodemus055 (12:32:11): I've NEVER liked her.

Hurricane Snarks:
nicodemus055 (12:17:34): Safety tips from CNN.com:
nicodemus055 (12:17:39): Put aside money.
nicodemus055 (12:18:05): You'll need it to rebuild your crushed hopes and dreams after water washes away your home and loved ones.
nicodemus055 (12:18:12): Clean up the yard.
Nastinchka (12:18:21): Where everything you love will have died.
nicodemus055 (12:18:23): It may be your last chance to mow.
Nastinchka (12:18:32): so don't cut those corners.
nicodemus055 (12:18:33): Clear dead trees.
Nastinchka (12:18:40): To make room for new dead trees.
Nastinchka (12:18:51): And dead pets.
nicodemus055 (12:19:15): Note, don't clear trees once the storm has reached your home, it may be hazardous to your health.
nicodemus055 (12:22:31): "Have multiple escape routes and know the proper government evacuation route. Make sure you car's fuel tank is filled and your mobile phone is charged."
nicodemus055 (12:22:58): Not that your cell phone will be relevant once all of the towers for a hundred miles are torn from teh ground.
Nastinchka (12:23:21): But it makes you look cool.
Nastinchka (12:23:42): Roll up your t-shirt sleeves and smoke while frantically speed-dialing elderly relatives.
nicodemus055 (12:24:25): Man, not even your satellite phone will matter. As we all know, hurricanes are concurrent with meteor storms, fires, volcanic eruptions, and timber wolves. All of the satellites in orbit will be struck by space rocks and plummet into your house.
Nastinchka (12:24:46): Which will already be on fire.
nicodemus055 (12:25:01): Move to safe shelters. Low-lying areas and mobile homes should be evacuated.
nicodemus055 (12:25:14): Unless you're poor, in which case you can die like the dogs you are.
Nastinchka (12:25:24): What about low-lying mobile homes...oh, wait.
nicodemus055 (12:25:45): ecure your home by boarding over windows or putting up hurricane shutters. If you use boards, purchase precut one-half-inch outdoor plywood boards for each window of your home. Install anchors for the plywood and drill holes in the plywood ahead of time, so it can be installed quickly.
nicodemus055 (12:26:11): When not in use the holes will provide a safe and comfortable home for hornets and wasps.

Hurricane Snarks again:
nicodemus055 (12:13:46): CNN: "Forecasters say any motion to the left could bring the center of Alex over the Outer Banks."
nicodemus055 (12:13:50): To the LEFT?
nicodemus055 (12:13:51): HAHAHAHA
Nastinchka (12:13:58): I saw.
Nastinchka (12:14:08): Thanks, forecasters.
Nastinchka (12:14:18): Note they didn't say meteorologists.
Nastinchka (12:14:34): They just asked some hobos to poke a weather map with a stick.
nicodemus055 (12:15:06): What's a meterolo... meateo.... Yeah. That guy with the clouds and the cheap suit.
Nastinchka (12:15:28): .........
nicodemus055 (12:15:43): I'll be careful not to lean to my left. I wouldn't want to cause a hurricane.
nicodemus055 (12:15:57): Butterfly effect.
nicodemus055 (12:16:06): (I am now frantically flapping my arms)
Nastinchka (12:16:23): God.
nicodemus055 (12:16:29): If you don't move to the left the hurricane can't see you.
Nastinchka (12:16:43): *fetches popcorn*
nicodemus055 (12:16:56): I'm done.
nicodemus055 (12:16:59): Honest.
Nastinchka (12:17:00): :-(
Nastinchka (12:17:04): *stomp*
Nastinchka (12:17:22): *hair twist*

I cannot kill this joke.

MOVIES. THEY'RE WORTH IT.

Check it, y'all.....I can't believe I'm typing this, but we made Defamer. That's the story I sent in this morning about our antics at Downtown West, in response to the call to arms the day before. (It should go without saying at this point that we can all do our part to bolster this worthiest of causes. The spotted owls can wait.) Apparently, no one had thought of the pirate angle before, but it always seems to be the first place we go, doesn't it? Nice that it actually got us somewhere, for once. And what a somewhere. Brava!

UNLESS IT'S VAN HELSING.

August

It's the first day of the first full week of school and you feel like you haven't slept in a month. The last days of the last summer shot by in a blur of will-we-or-won't-we-have-a-place-to-live, and before you know it you're trying to make a home out of a pristine little box on Laurel. You can see the Sunsphere from your living room, and the bell tower from your bed. You fear you'll never have internet access again, but figure that's maybe for the best, because if you posted what you're thinking when you're thinking it, there'd be an awful lot of sentences about the double yellow line and precious little else.

You'd like to think you didn't waste the end of this era. You were about to write something to that effect when you saw that someone else already said it right, and you couldn't improve on it, so you moved on. You caught a show of the Manchurian Candidate remake with the other two-thirds of your unholy triumvirate, and enjoyed seeing Liev Schreiber in an above-the-title capacity, even though the film disappointed you more than you let on. Your 'school friends' returned a few at a time from the far corners of the earth, and the night before your first day of classes they descended on your new place, and it felt like they'd never left.

But it's that time again, and you head off to your last year. You wrangle a schedule out of the dark labyrinth of Circle Park Online, yell at your landlord when you come home to another day without the inter-web, and resign yourself to hearing your stomach protest all the time, since it doesn't appear they'll ever reactivate your diners' club card. Pretty immediately, you chicken out, once and for all, of auditioning for Into the Woods, when circumstances beyond your control reduce the likelihood of getting cast from slim to ridiculous, and you cross your fingers and pray for those classmates of yours who deserve to see their names on the list. You get thrown out of directing lab almost as immediately, along with another graduating senior, ostensibly to bring the class under the enrollment cap, and this is where you start to lose it. You have your suspicions, but you keep your condemnations to yourself. Almost as painful is the realization that you have to drop Rules of War & Terrorism. You end up with Russian, this year's Life of the Mind class on documentary film, Shakespeare, history, and four seminars. And it wouldn't be August without being threatened with legal action by a person barely unable to count on their fingers with both hands and a flashlight.

You find yourself writing everywhere you can - on the bus, walking up the Hill, in the car balancing your folio on the steering wheel - as the story threads begin to twist themselves together. The first company meeting is notable not only for sheer volume, but for marking the extension of your streak in "People we should avoid At All Costs" into the new year. For those keeping score at home, this makes you one for one on the semester and eight for eight overall. The only times you really feel like you're In College are during your Shakespeare class or your history class. You sit cross-legged on the Lab stage and listen to your professor talk about having reverence for the text, and silently thank your stars you picked the right major. You get paired with a friend for the last round of exercises, and neither of you can go more than a few seconds without wiggling your nose and doubling over in silent hysterics.

Then it's Saturday, and Saturday means the Clock Show and the kickoff party. You overextend your shopping binge with your roommate, bolt in and out of the shower, and barely have time to don your cherry skirt and fishnets before you have to be in your seat. The show exceeds your expectations, and you shriek and twist with glee upon hearing the personal shout-outs two cast members have written into their sketches, one of them a line you wrote in Malta. You fling four new ACT babies into your car and careen off to the Skull, and the throwdown that ensues will be one for the history books. Your right knee collapses on you in the basement, which is what you get for running on pile carpet in stocking feet. You have a long heart-to-heart with a friend who was sexually assaulted by one of your worst enemies. Kids you haven't seen in months turn up, castmates from your summer show turn up, and things get a little blurrier. You race one of your boys to kiss one person of every sexual orientation and win. There's dancing, shots with old enemies-turned-friends, and duelling musical tastes. You bury the hatchet, sort of, with an old adversary, though when it comes right to it you'd still prefer to bury one in his back. You limp and flit around collecting headshots for the yearbook project, learning names as you go. One of your classmates who'd been AWOL turns out to have been hospitalized with pneumonia, and still manages to make a cameo. There's a hard moment of flashback to early summer when you're standing on the master bedroom balcony, and a harder one a few minutes later, when you think back to February and remember sprawling in this very room, clutching your dearest and belting "Giants in the Sky". You wonder for a moment if anything could have been done then to change things, but there's no time to dwell on it, because while being introduced to a new cluster of underclassmen, the word 'icon' gets dropped and you have to take a few steps back and stand with Joan and breathe in your new empire. For once, your reputation has preceded you in a manner that doesn't make you wish you could take it all back. You're picked up and swung 'round and there are scarce few things better than this kind of revelry for a communion junkie.

The morning after. Caesar shows up and the two of you hold court for a few hours in the dining room, surrounded by sleepy freshman and that one kid who's So Going On Your List. One of the new girls is in your film class. Another reminds you of yourself and Joan and Kaitlin and Elyse, and is pretty well adopted by the end of the afternoon. You get all the younglings packed home, and the rest of the day is devoted to a lazy lunch with four old friends and one new one, cleaning, and sleeping like The Dead. You wake up just in time to catch Nip/Tuck with your roommate, and fall asleep to The Adventures of Robin Hood, thinking, "Must be nice".

Then it's your first Monday morning. After half an hour of trying, you score a parking spot on the sky level of the new garage, and take a moment to admire the cityscape before embarking on a fruitless search for books in the UC. You have a coffee date with your girls and dissect the events of the weekend, pausing for Justin Gatlin updates and fake fruit jokes. You run into Eric, whom you've loved for years, and you keep your chin from shaking when he grazes his thumb across your jawline and compliments your tan, and your voice is steady the whole time he's writing his number on the back of your hand. You get the poli-sci seminars you wanted, and when you play Mafia in film class you're the first one out, but you take that as a compliment. Paul tells your class that the bus essays will be posted online, and for the first time in your life the thought of sharing one of your stories doesn't scare you.

It's Monday afternoon before you're able to cry, and you think you would've made it without if "Brothers in Arms" hadn't come on the radio. You pound the steering wheel and mourn your friends and your family and yourself and those who always lived in that between-place, and when you throw your head back and catch a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror, your waterproof mascara is making black tracks down your cheeks. You laugh, and laughing somehow feels worse. Right before the radio station cuts off the last minute of the song, your phone rings, and you spend the next half hour or so coming out of your long dark tea-time with the help of an old friend who doesn't know how much he's doing to soothe your head. And when you hang up, you stare at your phone screen, momentarily hypnotized by the 8-bit ocean waves, and you trace the words across the top and remember Nick typing them in, right before he left the last time, right before he kissed you. If you could live one minute of your last summer over, it would be this one, though you don't remember the kiss at all, just the sensation of your bare toes curling up in your Skechers:

"Keep on?"
"Yeah."
"Keep on what?"
"Keep on keepin' on."
"Why?"
"Someday you might need it."

But it's written in the starlight/And every line on your palm

!!BIRDS EVERYWHERE!!

I still don't have Magical Inter-web, but I survived my first day of classes. If everything shakes out the way it ought to, I'll have two honors seminars, Directing, Documentary Film, Russian, Shakespeare, Jefferson's America, Rules of War & Terrorism, and Politics & the Internet to contend with this year. My future with the CBT for the semester is sketchy at this point, which tears me up as we were totally gunning for this one, but that is what it is (and it may still work out to where I can do the show; it's just that nothing's certain this week).

Everyone's back, and cocaine jokes are the new "roo". No, really. (It's not a question of if this will backfire on us, merely when and how badly.) I've got a lump on my back. I'm going to die. They God, I need a nap.

Oh, and I've got all my sophomores back to shepherd, and who knows how many freshmen coming in on Friday, so if you want to see me before you go wherever, waiting to see if I'll get in touch with you will leave you a sad monkey. For fuck's sake, quit whining and just call me.

Oh, and: July.

Coke is the new black.

Oh, Lexy.

I'm alive. So is everyone else. We've had one hell (in a couple different ways) of a last weekend. We don't have our internet hooked up yet. School starts tomorrow. I'm not ready. More on movies, moving adventures, the Cannonball of Shame, the continuing saga of Steak & Slash, and year two of Sleepover of the Damned when I find the minutes. For now, enjoy this little gem, which has taken its rightful place at the top of the Things Someone Else Said That I'd've Given A Kidney To Think Of First list:

Joan, while discussing one of our favorite professors: "Mike is going to wind up in her acting class, and he's going to roll in one day and be all 'Sorry I'm late; I had to do a line of coke and then I had to battle these demons that came out of my face', and she's just going to take his head off."

The votes are in, and Caesar and Nick tied for tatterdemalion. New word: foofaraw.

We are silently judging you.

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

So without any warning, after two such interminable weeks of waiting that when the time came to actually go through with it I really had no reaction, I find myself staring down my last night in OR. and wondering how I got here. We're moving today and tomorrow, for real, and so it's time to slip into that weird transitional August phase with one foot in summer and one in school.

I never could write a conclusion worth anything.

I suppose I should make some umbrella statement about this summer of overshares, cataclysms, oversharing-induced cataclysms, and cataclysmic overshares, and how none of us will ever forget it, or each other, despite our best efforts, but - will you look at that? I just did.

I never said thank you for that.

Dont' you discriminate at all?

Ok, first, What Joan Said, pulled from the comments:

Okay.My rage at the unfathomable WASTE that was Napoleon Dynamite is beginning to simmer lightly (emitting a subtle garlicky fragrance of DESPAIR). I cannot believe what a horrible film this was. Holly and I spent the entire hour and a half looking at our watches, checking times of other movies surrounding us, and hissing "YOU DID THIS" virulently at Stewart whilst he giggled and pawed at the screen not unlike a retarded kitten.The group of 24 middle schoolers from CAK sitting two rows behind us, while empirically irritating and in dire need of either an insulin shot or exposure on a freezing hillside, were not the problem. The movie was just bad. Worst I've ever seen.To tell you the truth, i didn't think I would ever see a movie I have hated more than Holly Hunter's Home For the Holidays. I was wrong.

On a lighter note, Holly and I took my favorite cousin to go see Princess Diaries 2 yesterday. I'm not ashamed to tell you I was looking forward to this. The first movie was good, and cute, and funny. The second movie was AWESOME. There were moments of sheer brilliance and at least three instances where Holly and I whispered "...JAY" to each other while Anne Hathaway was delivering some of her imperious dialogue. It was totally enjoyable and only slightly marred by the interminable presence of Heather Matarazzo. Four stars.

Finally, it appears we are moving in on SATURDAY now. This marks the fourth time that our apartment managers have rescheduled our move. If anyone would care to help us with this move, there will be beer involved.

Love
Joan

She forgot to mention the part where I wrapped my hair around my fists, turned to her and Stewie, pulled as hard as I could, and emitted a silent scream. Joan's response was to cock her head, look pensive, lean in, and whisper, "You know, you could actually hang yourself. Your hair's long enough now." I give Princess Diaries 2 three and a half stars for being a damned adorable children's movie and for containing the following: Hector Elizondo, Julie Andrews singing (I know, right?), and a Rosencrantz/Guildenstern joke that made me weep. God damn goddamn Heather Matarazzo, anyway. It's worth noting that for the second time in two days we were in a theater full of loud children, and that we still managed to enjoy the movie. Napoleon Dynamite is aaaaaaall out of excuses.

That's the part I don't like, frankly. That's why I don't think about it.

Vote For Summer.

The Worst. Movie. Ever. crown has an heir at last. Had we not been surrounded by howling middle-schoolers, we might have been in a better mood, but the movie sure didn't help. (To make things worse, I realized as I stumbled in my front door in disbelief that I'd missed a brand new Nip/Tuck.) One word reviews of Napoleon Dynamite, from the parking lot of the theater:

Isaac: "Waste."
Keiran: "Lacking."
Joan: "Noose."
Holly "Hemlock."

Now, this is weird for me, because I like just about everything, but when the biggest laugh of the film comes in the form of the offscreen execution of a barnyard animal.....really, the thing Van Helsing really had going for it (I can't believe I just wrote that) was its audacity, the fact that it dared to be so evangelically BAD. This made every moment of it massively entertaining, at whatever cost to our dignity. The tagline for this film is "He's out to prove he's got nothing to prove". This couldn't be further from the truth. Napoleon Dynamite Just Doesn't Care. It's mind-numbingly, excruciatingly bad, but in a half-assed way. Half a star for the combined moments (moments only) of relief provided by Tina Majorino, the pinata, the shooting of a cow (seriously), the two Mexicans in the convertible, the Bonne Bell dispenser (however theoretical), the punctuation on Summer's note, and Diedrich Bader.

As we were leaving the theater (before the credits had reached the top of the screen), the manager poked her head out and told the departing crowd there was another scene after the credits, with five minutes of never-before-seen footage. Most of the audience kept right on walking. 1/2 *

Wait, worse than The Man From Snowy River?

Laff Riot 9: Giant Fucking Spider in the Third Act

Once upon a time.....

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (12:17:09): rub a dub dub, i'm in the tub

Nastinchka (13:52:49): Check out John's away message.
LiviaHarlowe (13:52:56): already did.
[much derision ensues]
Nastinchka (13:53:24): That doesn't rhyme, though.
LiviaHarlowe (13:53:42): the truth doesn't need to rhyme, holly.
Nastinchka (13:53:51): ROTFL
LiviaHarlowe (13:54:03): and, SNARK.
Nastinchka (13:54:10): Yes.
Nastinchka (13:59:12): I Will Not Be Outdone in this Erotic Bath-themed Away Message Battle.
LiviaHarlowe (14:00:00): Nor will I.

Now, the first one was funny:

Auto response from Nastinchka (14:00:00): Na na na na na nagetcha soap on

But it was Joan bringing the Shakespeare that launched the epic summer space battle:

Auto response from LiviaHarlowe (14:06:44): Double, double, toil and trouble,I'm in the shower.

The board was set. The pieces were moving:

LiviaHarlowe (22:35:37): What roo up to?
Nastinchka (22:35:56): Just got home. Bout to get in the shower before the storm starts again. But first, the Formulation of the Away Message.
LiviaHarlowe (22:36:40): Indeed. we chat upon your departure from that foul abyss of mists.
Nastinchka (22:36:48): Most assuredly.

And the first shots were fired:

Auto response from Nastinchka (14:31:26): Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie,
Which we ascribe to the shower.
ShiftyEyedGuy (14:31:37): GOD

Auto response from Nastinchka (14:00:34): The quality of mercy is not strain'd.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven.
Much like the shower.
ShiftyEyedGuy (14:00:53): you're never going to let this go, are you?

ShiftyEyedGuy (19:41:36): i hate you
Auto response from Nastinchka (19:41:36): But soft!
What steamy mist through yonder plastic curtain breaks?
I'm in the shower.
ShiftyEyedGuy (19:41:43): ONE TIME!!!!

But Caesar was eventually persuaded to see the humor in the situation, and what followed was the most alarming display of geek bravado ever captured on pixel:

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (12:11:07): i'm in the shower....NAKED!!!!

Wait.....after that:

Auto response from Nastinchka (02:42:36): To sleep, perchance to dream...ay, there's the rub-a-dub dub.

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (14:54:06): How now! a conduit girl? what, still in tears? Evermore showering?

Auto response from Nastinchka: We that are true lovers run into strange capers in the shower; but as all is mortal in nature, so is all nature in love mortal in folly.

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (13:12:21): thou detestable maw, thou womb of death, gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth... I'm in the shower.

Auto response from Nastinchka (16:13:55): If we shadows have offended,
Think of this:
I'm in the shower. 8-)

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (14:50:45): Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage, blow! You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout til you havedrenched our steeples, drowned the cocks! I'm in the shower!

Auto response from Nastinchka (07:29:44): Else to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long.
I'm in the shower. 8-)

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (14:10:04): Was this taken by any understanding pate but thine? For thy conceit is soaking, for I'm in the shower.

Auto response from Nastinchka (14:34:11): When you do dance, I wish you
A wave o' th' shower, that you might ever do
Nothing but that.

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (12:31:11): Go get some water, and wash this filthy witness from your hand.- I'm in the shower.

Auto response from Nastinchka (17:08:42): When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in the shower?

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (15:53:27): Come, let us to the castle.
-News, friends; our wars are done, the Turks are drown'd
...in the shower.

Auto response from Nastinchka (14:12:37): Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much; such men are dangerous.
Good thing this shower curtain's opaque.

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (15:31:26): Once more unto the shower dear friends, once more!

Auto response from Nastinchka (13:13:42): What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculties! in form and moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension, how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me; no, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say I'm in the shower.

ShiftyEyedGuy (19:04:13): OMG shout out
Nastinchka (19:04:19): ??
ShiftyEyedGuy (19:05:02): collateral damage on usa.... arnold was in the shower with his son and he said double double toil and trouble
Nastinchka (19:05:10): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ShiftyEyedGuy (19:05:13): i know
Nastinchka (19:05:16): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
ShiftyEyedGuy (19:05:24): I KNOW!

jangel139 (14:22:28): And to think mine just said "Shower".

You shadows ain't the only things that've offended.

Laff Riot 8: Cook Something For You?

From the show, the summer, and the very beginning of the project archives, circa fall 2000:

Nastinchka (16During Whorehouse rehearsals:
Nastinchka (15:22:01): I actually knocked myself down. It was great.
nicodemus055 (15:22:24): I find this choreography disturbing

ShiftyEyedGuy (12:44:13): i CAN"T SLEEP
Nastinchka (12:44:19): :-(
Nastinchka (12:44:34): *pet*
Nastinchka (12:44:37): *tranquilize*
ShiftyEyedGuy (12:45:00): *roars like grizzly hit with dart*
Nastinchka (12:45:09): *that's not all he does like a grizzly*
Nastinchka (12:45:39): *wait....yes, yes it is.*

LiviaHarlowe (15:11:14): We just accomplished all 7 steps of alcoholism in one fell swoop.

Wow. So, so pretty.
Nastinchka (17:27:09): I'm being Archaic.
jangel139 (17:27:22): And Unintelligible.
Nastinchka (17:27:30): It's A Word!
jangel139 (17:31:04): Uh-huh

Re my hottttt freshman roommates:
KarlGruber: She's right. She's got the market cornered on booty.
Nastinchka: Who?
KarlGruber: You do.
Nastinchka: I know.
KarlGruber: The market used to be flooded, but now it's all in your dorm.
Nastinchka: I know, man. Must be something in the water.

nicodemus055 (01:39:20): I have no fork with which to eat my leftovers
Nastinchka (01:39:34): I require a violin to properly respond.

ShiftyEyedGuy (12:11:38): i may have gotten a couple shots of a heron this morning
Nastinchka (12:11:55): OOoooh.
ShiftyEyedGuy (12:11:56): if only the damn thing didn't keep flying away
ShiftyEyedGuy (12:12:04): i followed it for a half mile
Nastinchka (12:12:12): Selfish birdses.
ShiftyEyedGuy (12:12:18): i KNOW
Nastinchka (12:12:29): ...crunchable birdses.
ShiftyEyedGuy (12:12:34): mmmmmm
Nastinchka (12:12:36): (Are you sure it wasn't a deer?) ;-)
ShiftyEyedGuy (12:13:12): deer don't fly and squawk in a derisive manner
Nastinchka (12:13:21): Maybe not for you.

Re Dawn of the Dead:
LiviaHarlowe (11:23:26): also----why did they build a BUS to escape the zombies? that's like something we'd do.
Nastinchka (11:23:31): That's entirely possible.
LiviaHarlowe (11:26:15): also--there's no way i would have tried the bitch who went after the dog. leave her for dead! dont sacrifice 4 members of your team for her! DAMN. its like something c_______ would do.
Nastinchka (11:26:41): Or G____. let's not forget G____.
LiviaHarlowe (11:32:39): Or Stewart. No, Stewart would be the one who spent his time in the mall trying on women's shoes.

Oh, no, we di'int:
jangel139 (00:19:38): come back to us.
Nastinchka (00:19:42): I KNOW!!
jangel139 (00:19:43): Beautiful.
jangel139 (00:19:50): COME BACK holly
jangel139 (00:19:53): BACK I say
Nastinchka (00:23:10): So faaaaar awaaaaay

Auto response from bobo271828 (19:56:34): Hang on - Feasting on the innocent. Feel free to suggest a good stain remover while I'm gone.

During the show:
nicodemus055 (01:40:10): I read your comments.
nicodemus055 (01:42:20): You gave your breasts a shout out?
Nastinchka (01:44:35): Dude, you didn't see them.
Nastinchka (01:45:03): They surpassed themselves.
nicodemus055 (01:45:06): What were they doing?
Nastinchka (01:45:14): Glowing.

Nastinchka (20:08:44): I can't belive we made it through a pool sleepover without any 'rode hard and put away wet' jokes. I'm disappointed in the group as a whole.
ShiftyEyedGuy (20:09:16): lol. as well you should be
Nastinchka (20:09:25): As well should we all.

LiviaHarlowe (19:26:31): i can't stop quoting shakespeare. i've become That Girl in the english department who wears a fez and a long skirt made of clumps of grass who quotes Steinbeck when she opens a door.
LiviaHarlowe (19:27:18): are you writhing?
Nastinchka (19:27:23): Lil bit

jangel139 (02:21:47): At some point, someone's going to have to tell me at least the general idea of what's going on.
jangel139 (02:22:26): Or else I won't know what the warning signs of Nuclear Hollycaust will be.

Allais500 (14:05:37): I don't know that I'll have enough money to go...until my boyfriend shows up 'round midnight
Allais500 (14:05:49): he's my sugar daddy
Nastinchka (14:06:17): Bawwww. So cute.
Allais500 (14:06:54): You're right, nothing is quite so cute as prostituting oneself for sushi
Nastinchka (14:07:02): Not even kittens.
Allais500 (14:07:10): Definitely not kittens
Nastinchka (14:07:10): Or kittens prostituting themselves for sushi.

nicodemus055 (06:21:53): Are you sleeping?
nicodemus055 (06:22:13): Who shall entertain me while I feed?
Nastinchka (06:23:03): Not yet.
Nastinchka (06:23:19): *with weak smile, produces dancing monkey*
nicodemus055 (06:23:33): Lol
Nastinchka (06:23:35): *and tiny pair of cymbals*

Re our tattoos from Halloween:
ShiftyEyedGuy (16:34:45): are we talking completely new design, or just re do the old skull?
Nastinchka (16:35:05): I'd be happy with the old one, unless you're feeling creative.
ShiftyEyedGuy (16:35:43): i am feeling a bit creative... i'll see what i come up with, and we can always fall back on the trusty stand-by
Nastinchka (16:35:54): We're your willing canvases. You know that.
Nastinchka (16:35:59): Really, really hot canvases.
ShiftyEyedGuy (16:36:05): yep yep:-D

LiviaHarlowe (12:14:29): i support that.
LiviaHarlowe (12:16:38): much like this new bra supports my rack in an interesting and heretofore impossible way.
Nastinchka (12:17:09): .
LiviaHarlowe (12:18:10): This "Bianca Blue" is the Frank Lloyd Wright of the bra world.
Nastinchka (12:18:37): It's built on the side of a mountain? ;-)
LiviaHarlowe (12:19:55): And made of chrome & glass

jangel139 (13:51:59): Gotta love the straight A's I made in Combined Studies, that had a LOT to do with my essay test day outfits
Nastinchka (13:52:26): lol. Insert *learning curve* joke.

Guyfun420: and i think we steal electricity from the canadians
Guyfun420: 'cause, come on, they're canadians
Guyfun420: what are they gonna do? eat round ham at me?

Right after Caesar got out of the emergency room:
Nastinchka (00:24:37): Yes, you do. We can't lose you now.
Nastinchka (00:24:46): I need my dresser.
ShiftyEyedGuy (00:25:08): no, i think you got that covered
Nastinchka (00:25:34): Or uncovered, as it were.
ShiftyEyedGuy (00:25:31): you made your bed, now skin a cat
Nastinchka (00:25:45): The two are related in ways you cannot begin to imagine.
ShiftyEyedGuy (00:26:05): wow
ShiftyEyedGuy (00:27:16): you know how i hate to dance? well i'm sitting here and i can't stop dancing
Nastinchka (00:27:27): :-) Texas magic.

nicodemus055 (14:24:40): You look happy, by the way.
Nastinchka (14:25:11): More so than I thought.
nicodemus055 (14:25:51): Hah. And Jesse and Nick and I thought we could break you. ;-).
Nastinchka (14:26:03): So did I.
nicodemus055 (14:26:17): Well. Cheers to you, then.

LiviaHarlowe (22:47:24): stew says i should go to graduation. opinion?
Nastinchka (22:47:56): You should, and I'm coming with you.
LiviaHarlowe (22:49:11): I'm going to Mordor alone!
Nastinchka (22:50:41): Of course you are!
Nastinchka (22:50:45): And I'm coming with you!
LiviaHarlowe (22:51:08): You can't swim!
Nastinchka (22:51:13): *glub*
Nastinchka (22:51:20): *gurgle*
LiviaHarlowe (22:52:09): this just took on a creepy roleplaying tone that i dont like

Bawwww.
jangel139 (22:44:38): You remembered the quotes I meant to put up.
jangel139 (22:44:40): You always do.

Ceci n'est pas un snark

Dynamite and Wire

Random funny (randomer than you know) from as recently as last night and as long ago as May of 2003. No, I can't think of anything else to post. Why?

• The Trail of Tears roll
• "Bacon, oh my GOD, you guys, BACON!!"
• "Get a load of Chucky..."
• "We're a Coors Light household, it seems."
• "If I had to pick someone to bend to my whim, it'd be you."
  "Good thing."
• "I have comedy bones."
• "His hair looks like he should be hosting a 3 am telethon on Univision."
• "What, there's not enough comedy inherent in living in a region where it gets dark at 4:30 but it's 75 degrees?"
• Google Wars: Rosencrantz v. Guildenstern, Particle Man v. Triangle Man, Joy v. The French, Live Free v. Die Well
• "Ok, new plan. 10:10 show, because it's in The Big Theatre. None of this "all the way down the hall to your right" nonsense. Fuck that."
• "Four hundred aggregate IQ points between the two of us and we can't work a waffle iron."
• "I'm gonna sneak in and guerilla-paint that door."
• "Jet. Jem? Jade? Jim!! (Madeline!)"
• "I don't color outside the lines often, but when I do, jump back."
• "Randy Travis looks like a gigolo."
• "I hate my new phone number. I'm not a small-claims attorney."
  "What do you want me to do about it?"
  "Well, try to dial it ironically."
• "Nick's in an awful lot of your pictures."
  "Well, we did spend quite a bit of time together. Also, he looks ridiculous in most of them."
• That time IMDB accidentally linked Ice Cream.
• Adam, I'm really, really sorry about your nicknames. Maybe they'll blow over. Maybe.
• "Choose your destination: Papermill, or the amber waves of grain."
• "My room does reflect me in that IT'S A MESS."
• "My dad bought me $22 worth of lottery tickes for my birthday. I won $4."
  "So you lost $18?"
  "No, I won $4."
• "Wait...I hive-minded with myself...in a movie?"
• "Today I had to explain "meta" to seven-year-olds."
• "I just got burned by a LITTLE GIRL." [Note: It really was quite a spectacular burn, and the fact that it was Adam's sister makes this even funnier. -Ed.]
• "So if a guest answers the door completely naked, but calls me ma'am, does it cancel out?"
• "DIG UP, stupid!!"
• "GET. SMARTER."

Try not to disturb the eels.

The indescribable moments of your life

The impossible is possible:

• Yesterday was the kind of day for which a new word should be invented, a word with some real heft to it, only to be brought out in the most extreme circumstances. Maybe every person could have a set number of times they were allowed to use it in their lifetime. But then you'd get people like me throwing all their chances on summer blockbuster movies, and people like Nick who would hoard theirs all their lives against the hope of something better coming along, and lie on their deathbeds with all their unused instances clutched in their waxen fists. Let it suffice, then, to say that I am grateful to have lived long enough to be outside on days like we've been having this weekend.
• Speaking of being alive: Cara's got a point. By all rights, we should be in jail, or dead. Lucky, lucky, lucky us.
• And speaking of summer blockbuster movies: Collateral. Caesar and I saw it last night, and went in with really low expectations, and came out giddy. I didn't know they shot it in digital. What a lovely shock. Anyway, it's pristinely structured and the dialogue's a trip. I've been over and over it in my head and I can't find a thing wrong with it, though I'll have to see it again to make sure. I made a daring leap of logic about twenty minutes in that didn't take away from it in the slightest. What's good: The cinematography, especially the helicopter shots of the city. There's this one shot OF a helicopter that will steal your breath. The score. "The bullets and the fall killed him." Mark Ruffalo (I know! The hell?). Jamie Foxx's Tom Cruise impersonation in the club. The extraordinary amount of time and care that Michael Mann devotes to setting up the relationship between Max and Annie. The Miles Davis story. The lack of subtitles. The fact that I get to talk about Michael Mann having a sure, deft touch with a story again. What's bad: Honestly? Nothing. The only time I smacked my forehead was when they were going into a subway, because I thought there would be a train chase sequence, but damned if Mann didn't sell it. Verdict: It feels a lot longer than two hours, but for once that's a good thing. If you're not sold by the time Tom Cruise shoots a dead guy, get out of show business. *****
• Hope everyone voted.
• So we're listening to Cara from now on when it's time to make plans, 'cause last night was a barn-burner (almost literally). Midnight sushi after the movie, then a throwdown in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of people I went to high school with but barely knew, complete with four-wheeling near-disasters, airplane bottles, Mad Libs, and a Big Damn Fire. Well done.
• August
• New word: tatterdemalion. Yes, it's a word. No, I'm not joking. Take it away.

Believe in me as I believed in you

Cruficy the Insincere

Too many moons have passed since the last time I stumbled into the house at six in the morning smelling like wood smoke and carrying my shoes.

How's that for making things right?

Find a way to offer up the night

China Shrink Cream

• First things first: Post title inspired by the fact that one of our cast actually encountered the fabled stuff. It exists. How can we work it into Night of No Good?
• So I downloaded the latest official Sky Captain wallpaper (shut up), and it's the Flying Legion crest...which contains a winged lion. Manticore shout-out!!
• Two Atlanta concerts coming up that you need to be aware of: Hybrid on the 28th and BT (avec A Band!!) on the 10th. I think they're both at Eleven50.
• Wayne's World was on USA last night at, like, three in the morning, and they changed "pralines and dick" to "jamocha almond idiot", which goes right up there with "this is what happens when you feed a stranger in the Alps".
• I was watching the West Wing marathon the other day, and they were playing the good stuff, the really good stuff (What Kind of Day has it Been and In the Shadow of Two Gunmen). I can't get over how much those hours still wreck me, even after I've seen them dozens of times. The end of the teaser for 1x22 and the beginning of the episode proper for 2x01 give me goosebumps down to my toes. "I didn't know we could do that."
• So Seth Green apparenly almost drowned filming Up Straight-to-Video Creek. Not only did Joan and I so call Pennywise's unholy crusade against the cast of IT MONTHS ago, after the deaths of John Ritter and Jonathan Brandis, but we also predicted Seth would be next. Annette O'Toole!! Olivia Hussey!! Guard yourselves!!
• Ok. Coffee and Cigarettes. Here's the thing. I like Jarmusch. I like almost all his other stuff. But this one just didn't do it for me as a whole. I'm not saying Le Divorce is a better movie. It's not. But it transcends its genre, and I just didn't feel that C & C did the same. Go read one of Ebert's essays about how star reviews are given on each movie's merit and are not comparative except between similar films, recognize that although I'm not even playing the same game, let alone in the same ballpark as him, I'm using the same theory, and leave me alone. :P
• I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I got to see three of my oldest, bestest boys this week, that I love them very much, and that they are the Chauvelins to my Marguerite, but in a good way. So here is to Nick, to Zane, and to Shea, who would do anything to the inglorious bastards who made their best girl cry. Love you.
• Quote of the weekend: "What's wrong with that bitch's back??" - Zane
• Squeee!! It's always nice to have one's obsession validated.

Still with the Reading of Eats, Shoots, & Leaves, the Seen of The Village and Anchorman, and the Blasting of Malaguena Salerosa.
New Word: After the last one, which no one answered to anyone's satisfaction, you're getting an easy lob: conflate.

Make ya' hole tight!!

I loved you the most

I've been busy.

We're allegedly moving this Saturday, assuming our building's finished by then, but I wouldn't lay any bets. Until that longer-and-longer-awaited day, I'm up to my ears in tchotchkes and cardboard. Imagine my glee.

Highlights:

• Gallery up and at 'em, finally, sort of. All the old picture pages are still up, at the Yearbook link on the front page.
• The convention. Kerry appeared at times to almost have a pulse. Edwards was charming. Barack Obama, in addition to having a great name, is also The Man. I listened to Clinton's speech every time it was rebroadcast for two days after, and watched him tear the damn roof off. Not convinced?
  "For the first time when America was in a war footing in our whole history, they gave two huge tax cuts, nearly half of which went to the top 1 percent of us. Now, I'm in that group for the first time in my life. And you might remember that when I was in office, on occasion, the Republicans were kind of mean to me. But as soon as I got out and made money, I became part of the most important group in the world to them. It was amazing. I never thought I'd be so well cared for by the president and the Republicans in Congress."
  "And, secondly, we live in an interdependent world in which we cannot possibly kill, jail or occupy all of our potential adversaries...Remember the scripture: "Be not afraid.""
• Curling up in the warm light of the lobby at work with Joan and Spawn and Caesar and Keiran and laughing ourselves stupid, then laughing myself even stupider with Joan for the rest of the night, for reasons that will have to go unexplained for now.
• Speaking of work...one Giant Spider Encounter too many. I'm not comfortable with the ones I have to inflict puncture wounds on to kill.
• A tree fell in my bedroom window one morning while I was sleeping, thanks to the laxity of our garden gnome. Hell of a way to wake up.
• While we're talking about houses...my parents just bought a condo north of Myrtle Beach. Clear your calendars.
• A relative of mine who didn't get me a birthday present and thinks I'm a miserable failure bought me a $50 savings bond when I was five for communion or something, and it's matured, and I went and cashed it and bought Nip/Tuck Season One on DVD. A very merry unbirthday to me. I've since passed the luscious goodness off to Cara, and the rest of you may peruse it at your leisure, as I myself am distracted by Season Two: The Nip/Tuckening.
• Saw The Village. It's a flawed and beautiful parable. What others saw as stilted I saw as mannered, or at least purposefully stilted. Calling the whole plot twenty minutes in did nothing to dim my enjoyment. Shyamalan can still point the hell out of a camera, and grab you by the collar and make you love his actors in their strange clothes and awkward speech against your will, reason, and character. The scene with Bryce Howard being tracked through the woods is classic. I'd like to see it again and see how much knowing the destination changes the journey. I have a feeling it'll hold up, on the strength of the characters. Can't say more without spoiling it. Go see for yourself. It won't waste your time. ****1/2
• Almost as much fun as the movie were the horrid trailers that preceded it. I was underwhelmed by the Batman teaser and disappointed by the absence of Sky Captain. The Forgotten looks like it should be renamed The Hell? National Treasure is BEGGING for an alcohol-drenched viewing at Midtown. I finally lost my shit during Ladder 49 (or, Backdraft 2: Back That Ass Up) and had to run to the lobby for a quick shrieking giggle fit.
• Also witnessed the spectacle that is Anchorman at the drive-in. There were a lot of bats around, which I took as a shout-out. Anyway. The movie. Run-of-the-mill Will Ferrell vehicle with moments of real brilliance (namely "Afternoon Delight", the unicorn sequence, the Rumble of the Cameos, and Vince Vaughn). ***1/2
• Also, there was a blue moon. In a not entirely unrelated incident, Lunchbox and I buried the hatchet, and not in each other's backs this time. V. relieved to have the family be, well, family again.

Funny:

• "Team America has already outgrossed Thunderbirds."
• Holly: "My uterus just shriveled up in protest..."
  Alex and Ben, in perfect unison: "Sweet!"
• "Testing one, roo, three..."
• Gina, on slapping Chelsea: "I've been watching "Days" since I was in the WOMB, and that's just what you DO."
• Jon Stewart: "Looks like Carter's angling for the Nobel Who-Wants-A-Piece Prize."
• Jon Stewart: "Yes, our program just insinuated that George Pataki had a big gay experience on the Staten Island Ferry. That's the beauty of fair use."
• Joy: "My dad doesn't trust me with power tools."
  Holly: "Because you might have sex with them."
• "Somebody's keying a truck!"
• "He's gonna be a soccer player..."

Go 'Way:

• Never been go glad to have graduated when and where we did as when I read this. Cara spotted the story of parents protesting it on the news. This is the actual code, which sadly speaks for itself.
• Veddy interesting.
• Some people have all the fun.
• Gimme four!!
• Tragically familiar.
• Old but gold.
• Interesting. I like the graphic especially.
• Obligatorier than you know.
• Funny, I haven't seen a certain hetero-life-partner of mine in several days....
• Spawn, even more than digging guys in Aston Martins, she digs guys who are named Eric Bana, so this is even perfecter than we knew. ("You know Eric Bana?")
• DUDE.

Even if you did hit me, it would still be true

Blood for Oil

Corporations are people, too.

Laff Riot 7: Back Dat Laff Up

I can't sleep.

nicodemus055: How goes the movy procurement?
Nastinchka: ?
nicodemus055: movie
nicodemus055: How in god's name did I type movy?
Nastinchka: I dunno.
Nastinchka: I was seriously about to hit dictionary.com before I answered, though to make sure I wasn't missing something.
nicodemus055: Nope. I suffered a meltdown between thought and transcription.
Nastinchka: Cool!

LiviaHarlowe (16:52:37): joan and greg discussing the steak and shake baby: LiviaHarlowe (4:50:35 PM): The baby will likely be born with a clown nose and a shotgun in its clenched little fist.
BlueVarekai (4:51:11 PM): lol
BlueVarekai (4:51:30 PM): we all float... in the womb

While watching Cocktail:
Nastinchka (13:29:11): Bah. They're talking again. Get to the part where bottles fly.
ShiftyEyedGuy (13:29:41): but it's elizabeth shue and tom cruise partially naked
Nastinchka (13:30:05): They couldn't mix drinks at the same time?
ShiftyEyedGuy (13:30:21): i suppose it's possible
Nastinchka (13:37:27): Hey TOM, less talky, more flippy.

Here comes Spawn, and she's a berserker:
jangel139 (15:13:48): God. You posted the snark where I went Beserk.
jangel139 (15:13:54): Despicable.
Nastinchka (15:14:20): Which one was that, dear?
jangel139 (15:14:47): The one where I started quoting Beauty and the Beast without Any Explanation Whatsoever.
jangel139 (15:15:03): ... I realize that just the "beserk" denotation wasn't clear enough.
Nastinchka (15:15:27): Yes, a special disney-princess-themed berserk

Nastinchka (18:52:05): We should really be better at this after, what, EIGHT YEARS of last-minute plan-making.
alateinertia (18:52:22): yeah i know
alateinertia (18:52:54): i think the problem is (at least with me) we're getting old and boring
Nastinchka (18:54:01): But we've been young and boring for so long. You'd think we'd've gotten better at it.

nicodemus055 (21:37:16): They're staying in a hotel 5 minutes away.
nicodemus055 (21:37:36): I dreamed I went out for drinks with Bill but he was wearing colored contacts as a disguise.
Nastinchka (21:37:45): You going down to the convention tonight?
nicodemus055 (21:38:34): I think I may, tomorrow or the day after. Make a night of it with dinner, Filene's Basement, and illegal search and seizure and violation of my first and fourth amendment rights.
Nastinchka (21:39:27): And probably fifth, once they get you in an airport hangar somewhere.

Nastinchka (16:08:06): Of course, if I threw away my friends, dignity, and reputation for a relationship with a crater-faced, lateral-lisping, no-talent hack and he dumped me for a lesbian, I might be crying too.
LiviaHarlowe (16:09:43): holly, let's do away with the hypothetical shams. you and i both know you've done this before.

ShiftyEyedGuy (00:34:23): i wonder why the day after i have to go on DIALYSIS i want to go clubbing

Nastinchka (17:09:54): And we thought T_____ was rock bottom. It Is To Laugh.
jangel139 (17:10:07): No, she hit rock bottom and just started digging.
jangel139 (17:10:26): Hopefully she'll get to a molten layer soon and die a fiery death.

Auto response from Ticonderoga213 (14:50:10): my life for you!!!
bumpty bumpty bumpty bump
CIBOLA!!!!!!
MY LIFE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!

nicodemus055 (11:48:37): Mommy, when I grow up can I be a robot like Mr. Armstrong?
nicodemus055 (11:49:01): Maybe if I had a testicle removed it would make me superhuman.

Nastinchka (13:30:56): I'm bored with this Being In Bed.
LiviaHarlowe (13:32:19): As am I. Put on a mask of my face (I know you have several) and go to class for me.

While watching the Shield season finale:
Nastinchka (22:02:23): HOLY HELL, I'm sorry I missed last week.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:02:34): me too
Nastinchka (22:06:28): KILL THE CAT-KILLER
Nastinchka (22:06:33): ROOO
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:06:33): lol
Nastinchka (22:16:12): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:16:17): lol
Nastinchka (22:16:21): AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:16:29): hahahahahahaha
Nastinchka (22:16:36): That? Is the best moment of the whole season?
Nastinchka (22:16:41): Hands. Down.
Nastinchka (22:19:09): Guess which one's you.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:26:02): i missed the moment. damn john called
Nastinchka (22:26:21): Selfish John.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:26:30): i know
Nastinchka (22:27:50): Dog attacks. Vic: We don't have to shoot the dog. Shane: Yeah, but I want to.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:28:14): lol
Nastinchka (22:28:16): Also would've been funny about three minutes later when Lem starts coughing up blood.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:29:29): lol
Nastinchka (22:29:32): ImYourBasicHero (22:08:47): you want a kitty?
ImYourBasicHero (22:09:31): we have 4 kittens... they need places to live
Nastinchka (22:30:09): Dude, that's Andre 3000.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:30:27): yes, yes it is
Nastinchka (22:30:34): Awesome.
Nastinchka (22:36:07): "Yeah, and an ASSHOLE."
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:36:13): lol
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:36:17): so trie
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:36:23): TRUE
Nastinchka (22:36:23): Or...yeah.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:36:28): god
Nastinchka (22:36:33): GO....AAAAAAAH
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:36:39): lol
Nastinchka (22:53:41): NOOOOOOOO
Nastinchka (22:53:44): This'll end well.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:53:52): step away from the cat!
Nastinchka (22:54:07): AAAAAAAAAAAWKWARD
Nastinchka (22:54:21): He's gonna kill ClaudetteKitten!!
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:54:39): i know
Nastinchka (22:54:42): I bet this'll be really funny when looked at out of context.
Nastinchka (22:57:39): No. Way.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:57:50): uh oh
Nastinchka (22:58:12): At this point, it would almost be a bigger surprise if they didn't kill him.
ShiftyEyedGuy (22:58:17): yeah
Nastinchka (23:01:12): GAME OVER, MAN
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:01:23): GAME OVER!!!!!
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:02:01): oh shit
Nastinchka (23:02:10): Uh-oh......
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:02:22): that's not good
Nastinchka (23:02:28): THis'll end well.
Nastinchka (23:02:36): WHAT
Nastinchka (23:02:44): WHAAAAAAAAAAAT????????
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:02:49): the team is dead man
Nastinchka (23:02:51): 2005?!?!?!?!?
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:03:06): sm2?
Nastinchka (23:03:22): No, the next season's not till 2005!!!
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:03:28): OMG
Nastinchka (23:03:32): Noooooo.
ShiftyEyedGuy (23:03:37): NOOOOOO!!!!

Nastinchka (18:31:57): GUESS WHO WE SAW WALKING
jangel139 (18:32:01): WHO WHO WHO WHO
Nastinchka (18:32:01): *****
jangel139 (18:32:05): NBOOOOOOOOOOOASDNOGAREWOHTYA
Nastinchka (18:32:06): WALKING DOWN THE STREET
jangel139 (18:32:15): SHOULDA RUN OVER HER
Nastinchka (18:32:19): I TRIED
Nastinchka (18:32:21): WE SCREAMED
Nastinchka (18:32:22): SHE HEARD
jangel139 (18:32:23): I'M GLAD I WENT THROUGH BRIARCLIFF
Nastinchka (18:32:26): ME TOO
jangel139 (18:32:26): SO SO SO GLAD
Nastinchka (18:32:30): BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE BAIL MONEY

kaitlinwithani (22:56:20): lyin bitch! you say my snark be up now! roooooooooooooooooooooooooo! im peaches.... go goddamn you donkey kong. dont make me go all kate moseley bitchtastic skating school and bait shop on your ass... and dont think i wont! kisses. hope you arent zobo munchies

Re the news coverage of the President falling off his bike:
nicodemus055 (14:23:48): What fucking deification.
nicodemus055 (14:24:32): "He's so tough he out-rides the Secret Service." "His bike only cost 3k and Kerry's 8k. That means he must be a man of the people."

LiviaHarlowe (23:03:22): hey-michelle kwan is cool, holly
Nastinchka (23:03:47): May the force give you all her babies, then.
Nastinchka (23:04:14): :-( No-one commented on the Snarks.
LiviaHarlowe (23:04:23): THATS SO CREEPY I JUST LOOKED LIKE A SECOND AGO
Nastinchka (23:04:34): I"M OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW WITH MY LAPTOP.
LiviaHarlowe (23:04:38): lol
Nastinchka (23:04:39): AND A CANDY BAR.
LiviaHarlowe (23:04:39): roo
Nastinchka (23:04:46): AND IT'S AS TASTY AS YOU LOOK
Nastinchka (23:04:52): *crazy eyes*

ShiftyEyedGuy (01:33:46): new pic is up
Nastinchka (01:35:46): IT'S A BAT
ShiftyEyedGuy (01:35:55): lol
Nastinchka (01:35:55): A BAT, DUDE
ShiftyEyedGuy (01:37:12): it's actually a scissor tailed swallow, but i didn't think it wise to use the word swallow in a public venue where you guys could comment
Nastinchka (01:37:50): *dying*
Nastinchka (01:38:08): Just for that, I'm making a Buick joke.
ShiftyEyedGuy (01:38:12): *cpr*
Nastinchka (01:38:19): *flatline*
ShiftyEyedGuy (01:38:19): lol
Nastinchka (01:38:28): *white light*
ShiftyEyedGuy (01:38:39): *come back to earth*
ShiftyEyedGuy (01:38:45): *don't go to the light*
Nastinchka (01:38:57): *but the light doesn't make me get up at 9*
ShiftyEyedGuy (01:39:34): *go toward the light*
Nastinchka (01:41:15): .....I can't make a viable Buick joke.
ShiftyEyedGuy (01:41:22): lol
Nastinchka (01:41:28): I',m serious!!
Nastinchka (01:41:34): As in, Not Funny!!
ShiftyEyedGuy (01:41:36): it's ok. we'll get you the help you need
Nastinchka (01:41:40): The hell with it. I'm just going to put *buick joke*.
Nastinchka (01:41:54): There.
Nastinchka (01:41:57): Make Your Own.

Nastinchka (15:27:37): OH, but then you get to go to the cathedral, and the cathedral's purty.
jangel139 (15:27:39): I went out of curiousity, because it's pretty. And because she promised lunch.
jangel139 (15:28:09): And then took me to Kohl's - not using MY gas! - and I got aforementioned Hott shirt.
jangel139 (15:28:34): I feel that it was a pretty productive Sunday, all things considered.
Nastinchka (15:28:37): AND you were kept from eternal damnation for one day more! What a deal.
jangel139 (15:28:41): I know!
jangel139 (15:28:45): I was expecting smiting, at the church.
Nastinchka (15:28:54): Smitage?
jangel139 (15:28:57): So I went in the side door, to catch Him off guard.

Still not sure what he was trying to spell:
KeiranOhara (18:34:12): i'll come along to be yourll pimp
Nastinchka (18:34:19): :-)
Nastinchka (18:34:24): Nice to know nothing's changed.
KeiranOhara (18:34:58): my cut has gone up from 98% to 99%
Nastinchka (18:35:12): That's still less than your dada takes. ;-)
KeiranOhara (18:35:30): change be having this recetition take hold of my lifestyle
Nastinchka (18:38:10): Wait, what?
Nastinchka (18:38:22): I can't figure out that sentence for the life of me.
KeiranOhara (18:39:11): change change to cant
Nastinchka (18:39:29): Yeah, but there's still the question of recitation.
KeiranOhara (18:41:12): reseassion?
Nastinchka (18:41:41): I give up.
Nastinchka (18:41:42): Sure.

Re Nick's Chinese prof:
nicodemus055 (01:19:44): He looks like a professor.
Nastinchka (01:20:08): He also looks like he could kill a rat with a paper clip at twenty paces.

LiviaHarlowe (01:17:07): HOLLY-don't start collecting things. People will say we're in love.

Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (20:39:17): i would like to answer that question with... interpretive dance!

jangel139 (12:35:43 AM): Dude, I'm not naming my boobs Twist And Shout, people'll think it's an invitation!

rhysfeezled (01:18:30): what would jesus drink?
Nastinchka (01:18:37): Tang.
Nastinchka (01:18:42): I have no doubt.
rhysfeezled (01:18:54): a hit, a most palpable hit!