All cut and glimmer

But hang the harvest high, Oh see!
The candle constellations on the Halloween Tree!
The stars they turn, the candles burn,
And the mouse-leaves scurry on the cold wind bourne,
And a mob of smiles shine down on thee
From the gourds hung high on the Halloween Tree.

What kind of day has it been?

Have some reading.

The heavy stuff:

• Just the facts, ma'am. Or just the spin, rather, but on your way.
• So Zogby says this. But the Tennessean says this.
• Slight comfort, however momentary.
• Okay, where did this story go?
• Operation Truth
• Hear that, JV? Put on a helmet and pads and get in there.
• No casualties?
• ARGH.
• Read this and get good and irritated just from the timeline.
• Is it too late for this? Maybe. It's worth a look, though. Also, here are the closest Sinclair stations.
• *witty tagline*
• Eisenhower endorsement
• NYT endorsement
• Washington Post endorsement
• The Memphis Commercial Appeal and the Nashville Tennessean have endorsed Kerry. But it's the News-Sentinel endorsement that has me worried, and not just because (wonders never cease) they've come down on the side of Das President. What SK Bubba said.
• The one where Ebert mentions Bush and Hitler in the same breath (pixellated breath, to be sure, but as you like it).
• This'll keep you on your toes for the next week or so.

Miscellaneous "What They Said"s, all more than worthy of your time. If you read nothing else from this post, check these out:

• What Christastrophe said.
• What Sars said.
• What Linda said. Also, check out "Very Convincing".
• What Maureen said.
• What Cowgirl Funk said.
• What Wing said.
• What Pamie said.
• What Garrison Keillor said.

Funny:

• Side-by-side CNN headlines: "Bush: Kerry to outsource security | Kerry: Bush is lying"
• From a Jon Stewart interview:
  Q: From a purely comic perspective, do you want four more years of Bush?
  A: Well, from a purely comic perspective, you'd want Mr. T to be president. That would be truly fun. But no, I don't cheer for the demise and erosion of the world purely for my own professional standing. I can write jokes about anything.
• More wizard duelling: If only.
• Allison, I'm not sure I actually went so far as to call him a debutante. I do remember saying "I'm Jim Lehrer. I'm the belle of the ball." (Wait, that's the same thing, isn't it?)
• What will the Billionaires do after the election?
• Want.
• I wanna be in Baltimore.
• "Mister President, spell Chechnya."
  "You forgot Poland!!"
• Every time I imitate the president or Cheney lately, it comes out sounding like a cross between Harvey Fierstein and Serpico.
• Fluff.
• So this was good times, but then O'Reilly went on the Daily Show and bashed the President. No, really. You can download it here.
• So Adam and I saw Outfoxed at the Pilot Light. At one point, a Fox analyst actually makes the claim that "the market doesn't like John Kerry". Quiet hilarity ensued:
  Holly: "The market would like an ice cream cone."
  Adam: "The market will get the next round."
  Holly: "The market would like that margarita with twice the tequila and half the attitude."
• This almost killed us all.
• So Lauren and I had a brilliant plan to rid ourselves of Nader....
• Watch this.
• It has been brought to my attention that I would have to know something about politics to know who Tucker Carlson is. Can't a girl trash a bow-tie-rocking flunkie in peace? I'm crippled, for fuck's sake.
• Just in time.....the return of the Sloganator.
• And this is a no-brainer, but watch the Daily Show. The "2004 Election Fiasco Preview" is not to be missed. Fareed Zakaria was on the other night and brought the Crossfire jokes. Jesse Jackson's proud of us, y'all! Go listen to him say so.

Onward:

• I got really mad at a lot of people today. I don't know how to relate to people who don't vote and don't care to. I can't fathom it. WILL YOU PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY (AND MORE THAN A FEW THINGS THAT AREN'T) VOTE?!?!? STAND UP OR SHUT UP. GOD. I WANT SO MUCH TO LIKE YOU PEOPLE AND YOU'RE MAKING IT REALLY HARD. NO, IN A BAD WAY.
  Okay, that's out of my system. For today.
• Is there something to be said about Jed Bartlet and George Bush falling off their bikes? Me, I was right saddened by the dichotomy.
• The Onion STATshots have been growing progressively more pointed. Last week's was "Why haven't we voted yet?", and one of the answers was "Have been beheaded on video in Iraq". No, seriously.
• A day after Jon Stewart was on Crossfire there were 3001 seeds on Suprnova, and 2111 downloads. Can we round up all these people and rocket to Mars? No?
• Did I ever write about the footage in Fahrenheit 9/11 that was shot at a rally I was working in NH? Seriously, it was the one at Pembrook. I've got pictures. It was such a cold-water shock to see it on the screen.
• I'm still debating whether or not to vote early. I like the symbolism of hitting the booth on Election Day, but the way things are going around here something drastic might get in the way.
• This "flip-flopping" label is getting on my Last. Nerve. Real, thinking people process information, new information, and adjust their convictions or at least their actions accordingly.

I asked someone today if I would ever stop feeling like I haven't done enough. He didn't think so. That said, here's what I've been up to this week to try and convince myself otherwise:

• Debating stem-cell research with a right-wing Catholic life-is-unimpeachable-unless-you're-a-black-man-in-Texas demoniac in front of a bunch of freshmen about to vote in their first election.
• Railing against these pro-life-at-any-cost bitches that descended on our campus like a plague of self-righteous, appallingly misguided locusts, on the afternoon of Take Back The Night, no less. Seriously, these assholes had larger-than-life shots of genocidal aftermath, breast cancer operations, and botched abortions on display boards all over the plaza, and the simplest arguments such as "Abortion laws are designed to prevent the kind of back-alley butchery you're pushing on your placard there" had no effect.
• More interestingly, wrapping up a project for one of my PoliSci classes wherein I had to work with four hardcore College Republicans to devise a campaign strategy for Bush in Tennessee. It's not that the work was hard (our thesis, which was well received, was that as long as he doesn't set himself on fire between now and Tuesday he's golden, and even then he might scrape by all right, particularly if such a stunt were prefaced with "Hey y'all, watch this!"), it's that I feared the whole ordeal would be good for nothing more than extended exercise in not being sarcastic. Then I got to know my teammates (one of whom interned for Frist, for fuck's sake), and found four of the most dedicated, level-headed, principled individuals I have ever encountered. They were, of course, leery of me as well, but the respect they displayed for my positions and beliefs never faltered for a moment. Here, then, is to Rebecca, Heather, Ryan, and Jennifer, who for a few short weeks made me a believer in bipartisanship, on however microcosmic a scale.
• Talking to undecided voters, and encountering apathy in quantities staggering enough to move me to depair, but for thought of this: It could get so much worse.

Look. The triggers are different for everyone. For me, it was the debates that did the trick. I'm a gravitas junkie, and he had it. This is just one slice of an argument I've been making for three weeks, but it's About God Damned Time someone in this race stepped up and displayed a little statesmanship, and I'm grateful it was the guy on our side. I didn't want to smile, but I couldn't help it. There's something there. There's Anything At All.

How much longer can you sleep at night knowing this guy has his finger on the Big Red Button? It's not an average job these two are interviewing for, and we shouldn't settle for such. Are our egos so fatally bloated that we can't stand the idea that the President needs to be someone we aspire to emulate, a cut above the status quo? And no, right now we don't have a hero, but for my part I did everything I could to keep the American people from making this guy our only hope, and sometimes that works out and sometimes I don't live in Sorkintopia, and John Kerry's all we've got. Whether you are moved by that sentiment, or fear of the alternative, be moved. For the sake of everything - be moved.

If they should argue, let us beg to differ

Third Saturday in October

There's always something about today.

I wish I'd thought to do this post earlier, and taken some time beforehand to think about what I was going to say, but wasn't it Sorkin who said it becomes one of those things that happen when you're looking the other way?

I defy anyone who claims to be bored by football to go to the Tennessee-Alabama game and not spend the whole four hours on their nonbelieving feet. If you think it's some provincial thing, think again. This, too, is a good start to convince you otherwise. This is even better. Take it from me: There's nothing like this game. We'll pull a Joe Lansdale and make that a little more immediate-like. We'll even repeat it for the drowsy: There's nothing like this game. Now, don't be fooled; of course there are better things on earth than the Vols-Tide weekend. But I said there's nothing like it, and you have to see it to believe it.

I have a long history with this game. Come a certain Friday, my family and Gina's family would pile into cars and drive down to Tuscaloosa or Birmingham. If the game was in Knoxville, that Friday afternoon marked the point where my concentration on daily matters would begin to slip. Gina and I invariably sat in the student section; one in orange, one in crimson, one guarding the other's back because until you've ventured into that hive of scum and villainy wearing the wrong colors you haven't known True Hatred. To our credit, we always endeavored to conduct ourselves in a manner befitting a guest in someone's home. It's just that I wasn't very good at it.

It always turns cold just in time for this game, too. Not enough to make a body feel discomfort, just enough to put that autumn tang in the air. Today's no exception.

This is the last time I get to do this. And it's different this year. I'm shepherding a giant block of undergrads instead of dressing up and tailgating with blood relations. Not sure I made the right decision, but I can, in theory, go to the game every year if I want to, and this is my last chance to go as a student.

The Auburn game is tense. The Georgia game's mean and dirty, and the Florida game's downright vicious, year to year. But there is nothing like a hundred and nine thousand orange faithful screaming at the tops of their lungs against the marauding Crimson. Nothing like the lower deck of the student sections at Neyland and Bryant. Nothing, nothing like the third Saturday in October.

Roll to Hell, Tide

Laff Riot 14: St. Elmo's Snark

Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them:

I am SO not making this up:
Nastinchka (00:48:10): I JUST GOT A NAZI POKER SPAM COMMENT ON MY SITE
Nastinchka (00:48:33): The link they provide is a link to a texas hold 'em site
Nastinchka (00:48:37): And the message is this:
Nastinchka (00:48:39): "The F?hrer alone is the present and future German reality and its law. Learn to know ever more deeply: from now on every single thing demands decison, and every action responsiblity."
nicodemus055 (00:49:02): Time cube, much?
Nastinchka (00:49:03): GAH

Howba. Horribly. True.
mrg1423 (22:59:38): who else is mamed and injured that I know of
Nastinchka (22:59:44): Hrm.
Nastinchka (23:00:20): Can't think of any more off the top of my head, but give it a couple days and I'm sure someone else will get hurt.
mrg1423 (23:00:42): Amen

I suppose I should get all these baseball snarks out of the way:

If I'd posted when I was supposed to, this wouldn't be So Over, but I didn't, it is, and I'm comforted only by the knowledge that they'll lose the Series for sure:
nicodemus055 (02:54:25):Red Sox Nation:
The only country that loses more often than France.

I hope they're fucking happy. Remarkable also because he said holy hell:
nicodemus055 (12:01:18): Oh holy hell. There's a poll on Boston.com: Which would you prefer, a Kerry win or a Red Sox win? The majority of the respondents said that they would rather see a Sox victory.

Last one, for serious:
Auto response from KeiranOHara (23:41:31): go sox, go kerry, and long live the Commonwealth!

In other sports news, Cara and I are v. pretty (oh, sue me; it was the Georgia game):
Allais500 (16:18:12): Go DAWGS!
Auto response from Nastinchka (16:18:13): For the love of GOD, get over here and watch the game!! We're playing like A Football Team!! VAWLS!!
Nastinchka (16:42:04): I should warn you for that.
Allais500 (16:48:14): Ha
Auto response from Nastinchka (16:48:14): Joan: "So Stewart and I were wrestling last night, with the understanding that I was Tennessee and he was Georgia, and he had me pinned and thought he won and got all cocky and I bit him on the stomach. He had it coming."
Nastinchka (19:08:23): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Allais500 (19:08:42): I refer you to the bottom of my most recent post.
Auto response from Nastinchka (19:08:42): GEORGIA 14
TENNESSEE 19
Allais500 (19:09:00): Or the entire post, for that matter.
Nastinchka (19:11:21): I LOVE YOU ANYWAY
Nastinchka (19:11:24): I LOVE EVERYBODDY
Nastinchka (19:11:27): BODY
Nastinchka (19:11:28): LOL
Allais500 (19:11:44): I'm sure you do. I love everybody too, but I hate football.
Allais500 (19:11:55): "Specially the Vols.
Allais500 (19:12:13): But I'm not here to rain on your parade
Nastinchka (19:12:15): I LOVE FOOTBALL
Nastinchka (19:12:17): AND KITTENS
Nastinchka (19:12:18): AND YOU
Nastinchka (19:12:22): :-*
Allais500 (19:12:29): I TOTALLY LOVE YOU AND KITTENS
Nastinchka (19:12:35): WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Allais500 (19:12:57): I take it that's pretty much a summary of the sounds coming from the fort at this moment.
Nastinchka (19:13:21): WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Later that same night:
Allais500 (21:29:36): TTU 24
Auto response from Nastinchka (21:29:36): GEORGIA 14
TENNESSEE 19
Allais500 (21:29:39): UTC 14
Allais500 (21:29:47): WWWOOOO Eagles!!!
Nastinchka (21:29:49): ROoo!! :-)
Nastinchka (21:29:52): (THat's good, right?)
Allais500 (21:29:52): Purple and gold!!!
Nastinchka (21:29:56): Ok!! WOOOOO!!
Allais500 (21:30:45): We're so kicking their ass, in the 1 AA!!!!
Nastinchka (21:30:50): Awesome.
Allais500 (21:31:24): I gotta go gloat on...I dunno, who goes to UTC still? Besides Rhys?
Allais500 (21:45:06): I failed to reach Adam, so when you see him you have to gloat on his alma mater for me.
Nastinchka (21:45:19): Shall. :-)
Nastinchka (21:45:23): Avec plaisir.
Allais500 (21:45:57): We're gonna continue to rule them in the last two quarters, or whatever they have in football
Nastinchka (21:47:03): lol
Allais500 (21:48:48): I try
Allais500 (21:49:12): We're currently discussing how we could be at this game for free, but we just don't care.
Allais500 (21:50:08): So, instead, we're watching it on PBS
Nastinchka (21:50:34): IT'S ON PBS????
Allais500 (21:50:38): You get ESPN, we get PBS

jangel139 (18:30:45): So, we have Homecoming tonight instead of Friday because of the hurricane.
jangel139 (18:30:47): The game.
jangel139 (18:31:05): Oh, and the door-decorating contest will continue tomorrow.
Nastinchka (18:31:06): DAT FUNNY.
Nastinchka (18:31:14): So yours can say "Go Wildcats!!"
Nastinchka (18:31:19): "Bash(ed) the Bears!!"
jangel139 (18:31:22): lol.
jangel139 (18:31:24): Yes.
Nastinchka (18:31:31): Or not, it were.
jangel139 (18:31:34): That's what I will make sure ours says.
jangel139 (18:31:36): I really hope we lose
Nastinchka (18:31:45): Who's it against?
jangel139 (18:31:48): Just to see what people do tomorrow when we're still supposed to be buying spirit links.
jangel139 (18:32:32): Heritage Mountaineers
jangel139 (18:32:42): So, there's no chance that we'll lose. But I can dream.
Nastinchka (18:32:50): You won't lose.
jangel139 (18:33:05): Hey, God owes me a favor.

I'm not sure what made me think this was okay:
nicodemus055 (12:24:03): http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/09/16/ligtning.strike.ap/index.html
nicodemus055 (12:24:07): Mmm... God smites.
Nastinchka (12:24:45): :-(
nicodemus055 (12:25:06): The bolt hit 2.5 percent of the town's population.
Nastinchka (12:25:07): He's a high-schooler, Nick.
nicodemus055 (12:25:36): I was referring to the 40 hits, not the one death.
Nastinchka (12:25:41): ....kay?

Last mention of football for the evening, for serious:
Auto response from Nastinchka (23:11:08):
Roses are red;
Violets are blue;
I'm in rehearsal;
Fuck New England.

Okay, except this, because it perfectly encapsulates UT life in the fall:
utkjoe (05:03:13): go vols. *hic*

*'transition to local sports' joke*
jangel139 (18:50:25): after dinner, looking out on the backyard
Mom: aww that squirrel's burying a nut or something
Joy: oh cute, I wanna see
Dad gets up from table
Mom: better see quick, Dad's getting his gun
Joy: do other familes have this problem?
Mom: "Honey, quick, look at the nature before your father kills it?" Hm, I don't know.
Gun: bang
Dad: GOT 'EM.

*'transition to indoor sports' joke*
kaitlinwithani (02:21:47): SWEET CHRIST! IS SHE A FUCKING DANCER??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLY RANCID. IT MUST BE STOPPED.

*another indoor sports joke* (Even funnier since the two-t hott was apparently a typo):
Allais500 (15:40:46): Heard from Adrock yet?
Nastinchka (15:42:57): Nuh-uh
Allais500 (15:43:18): Alrighty then
Allais500 (15:43:31): I have yet to hear from Mr. Waddle as well
Nastinchka (15:43:36): Selfish bastards.
Nastinchka (15:43:40): I bet they're somewhere making out.
Allais500 (15:43:54): That's hott.
Allais500 (15:43:56): t
Nastinchka (15:44:00): I know, right?

Done and done. Now, back to what we do best: Half-educated bitching about politics and roasting our friends:

Auto response from Nastinchka (23:09:09): WILL YOU PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY (AND MORE THAN A FEW THINGS THAT AREN'T) WATCH THE DEBATES AND VOTE. STAND UP OR SHUT UP. GOD. I WANT SO MUCH TO LIKE YOU PEOPLE AND YOU'RE MAKING IT REALLY. HARD. NO, IN A BAD WAY.

Nastinchka (23:31:42): YOU HAVE TO GET TO A TV. ANN COULTER AND JESSE JACKSON ARE ABOUT TO SQUARE OFF ON CNN.
Allais500 (23:32:28): AHHHH no cable!!
Nastinchka (23:32:32): AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
Allais500 (23:32:46): Must call Ben for Tivo action!!!
Nastinchka (23:33:04): MUST

I don't really know why this is funny. (Peanut gallery: "It's not.") I think it's the juxtaposition of international affairs talk and cutesy platitudes. Or it could just be the coke:
jangel139 (23:55:15): dude, what's the name of that guy we appointed in Iraq?
jangel139 (23:55:17): I keep forgetting
Nastinchka (23:55:23): Bremer?
jangel139 (23:55:26): nooo
Nastinchka (23:55:44): The new PM?
jangel139 (23:55:48): Yes.
Nastinchka (23:55:57): Allawi.
jangel139 (23:55:59): I couldn't remember if we were calling him PM or president
jangel139 (23:55:59): thanks.
Nastinchka (23:56:10): Yup. SLeepytime. Kisses.

Nastinchka (19:59:02): I saw you in a movie today...;-)
utkjoe (19:59:57): oh yeah?
Nastinchka (20:00:21): The one about recycling. You looked pretty.
utkjoe (20:01:33): I got distracted. Sara Cravens walked by
utkjoe (20:01:41): and i kinda lied for some reason
utkjoe (20:01:45): I do actually recyclye.
utkjoe (20:01:48): ah well
utkjoe (20:01:53): if Fox can lie, so can I
Nastinchka (20:02:13): She left the wave to Sara in and it was the funniest part of the movie.
utkjoe (20:02:41): that's hilarious
Nastinchka (20:03:17): It was awesome.
Nastinchka (20:03:32): "Nah, I don't recycle...how you doin'?"
utkjoe (20:04:39): I'm only slightly embarassed.

One more for the "you had to be there" pile:
Nastinchka (18:09:41): So I'm going to put your away message up as my away message and see how many horrified responses I get.
Auto response from kaitlinwithani (18:09:43): Bama girls are pretty, Vandy girls are smart, but it takes a TENNESSEE girl to win a fella's heart. Florida girls are tan, LSU girls got flow, but when you want the best looking girl, TENNESSEE's where you gotta go. Auburn girls are wild, Georgia girls are fun, but a TENNESSEE girl's a VOL GIRL, come on, they're #1! To any man who reads this, and truly wants to know, If you have a TENNESSEE GIRL you should NEVER let her go!
Nastinchka (18:09:47): From my boys, I mean.
Nastinchka (18:10:00): And it's Friday, so they might not be around, but itcould be good fun.

If you only could have heard the quiet rage in his voice:
nicodemus055 (18:28:40): Yeah. That away message has got to go.
Nastinchka (20:48:45): You got punk'd, darlin'.

Whither, Caesar?
Nastinchka (23:59:19): Oh, God, you fell in and drowned, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?!?
Auto response from ShiftyEyedGuy (23:59:19): here somewhere
ShiftyEyedGuy (03:01:21): funny story... no, i'm fine. but i may have met a girl.

Post-tumble:
nicodemus055 (20:46:44): How is its fragile structure?
Nastinchka (20:46:58): It is many interesting colors.
nicodemus055 (20:47:37): Heh
nicodemus055 (20:47:46): You need adamantium.
Nastinchka (20:47:50): I do!!
nicodemus055 (20:48:15): And kevlar for tendons.

jangel139 (17:25:22): I know, right?
jangel139 (17:25:30): oh god, I meant to only put "I know."
Nastinchka (17:25:36): Yeah.
Nastinchka (17:25:40): THat's gonna be fun.
jangel139 (17:25:55): What, that you're IN MY HEAD dictating my typing?
Nastinchka (17:26:01): Yeah.
Nastinchka (17:26:05): *tell me how pretty i am*
jangel139 (17:26:08): Yeah I bet that'll be fun for you
jangel139 (17:26:11): very very pretty
jangel139 (17:26:13): GOD STOP
Nastinchka (17:26:15): MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
jangel139 (17:26:34): ::whimper::
Nastinchka (17:26:42): *struts*
Nastinchka (17:26:44): *preens*
jangel139 (17:26:58): ::cowers::
Nastinchka (17:27:04): *pet pet*
jangel139 (17:27:12): ::purr::
Nastinchka (17:27:15): S'ok. Have you not learned by now that I'm a benevolent deity?
jangel139 (17:27:51): I am one of the fortunate few who have ever seen that side of you, yes.
Nastinchka (17:28:02): So true.

ShiftyEyedGuy (20:33:51): give my regards... to BROADWAY!!!
Nastinchka (20:33:55): GOD.
Nastinchka (20:34:08): It's freakier because I happen to be listening to Crazy For You RIGHT NOW.
ShiftyEyedGuy (20:34:08): :-D
ShiftyEyedGuy (20:34:15): OMG
ShiftyEyedGuy (20:34:19): that's nuts
Nastinchka (20:34:20): Yeah.
Nastinchka (20:34:24): YOU'RE nuts.
ShiftyEyedGuy (20:34:39): yeah
Nastinchka (20:35:07): THe Twinsy vibe will not be denied.
ShiftyEyedGuy (20:35:15): true that

Convincing, yes; though I can't vouch it's convincing us of something you'd appreciate:
Auto response from stewball103183 (16:45:27): Ahem, break yourslef fool. Did that sound convincing?? God i hope so.

We'll let Spawn close this one out:
jangel139 (22:17:58): Also, I just TOTALLY psyched out my toughest competition for the Jefferson nomination, and he's not applying for it anymore.
jangel139 (22:18:
18): It was awesome. I played good cop/bad cop by MYSELF.
Nastinchka (22:18:31): One down, four hundred to go.
jangel139 (22:19:23): OPTIMISM
Nastinchka (22:19:35): AGAINST MY CHARACTER
jangel139 (22:19:36): c'mon 'Caust.
Nastinchka (22:19:36): AND YOURS
jangel139 (22:19:39): .... yeah, okay.
jangel139 (22:19:41): God.
Nastinchka (22:19:48): You started the caps.
jangel139 (22:19:48): Stop being so realistic.
Nastinchka (22:19:52): Okay.
jangel139 (22:20:40): I did indeed start the caps. Unapologetically. And I'd do it again. With the same information I had today. Because I think that to say that this is a mistake means our boys are over there dying for nothing ... and that would lose the republican vote. I mean ...
jangel139 (22:20:51): Someone stop me before I hurt myselef.
Nastinchka (22:20:54): WOw.
Nastinchka (22:21:04): Threw us both into a typo tailspin.
jangel139 (22:21:30): I don't know my own strength.

Nastinchka (19:04:23): S'ok. Your adoration from afar will warm me on cold winter nights....y0.
jangel139 (19:04:38): I like how you used y0 and afar in the same sentence.
Nastinchka (19:05:07): I feel the need to temper stuff like that. I don't know why it always comes out in ebonics.
jangel139 (19:05:46): If I wasn't so tired, I'd make some joke about you being As White As They Come, but ... I slept 3 hours.
Nastinchka (19:07:23): Ah, fuck....the August entry's finally off the front page, and I've posted so little since I got to school that the right column took over the bottom of the page. I needs to get some postinating done, stat.
jangel139 (19:07:43): I just saw that and wondered if you were gonna tell me it was my browser again.
Nastinchka (19:07:54): It ain't. it's my slackassitude.
Nastinchka (19:07:46): It's like watching the little blocks pile up to the top in Tetris, only exactly the opposite and in my head.

From the mouths of babes:
jangel139 (22:13:03): Some days I wonder if I belong in theatre, and then I'll have a moment of blinding passionate love for life, marked by dancing, singing, screaming, driving, or some combination of the above, followed abruptly by the desire to slit my throat.
jangel139 (22:13:07): And then I know I'm in the right place.

It's our time on the edge

Starry-Eyed Suck

In temporary lieu of snarkses, something that's just as funny, only funny like a car wreck:

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

....but wait!! If it's so funny, why can't I stop shrieking?? I'm surprised my eyeballs haven't wrenched themselves from my head in protest.

Say funny again.

Flitch

I could make some excuse about Jesse not being here to do it, but let us speak plainly. There is no force in the universe that can stop me from making this joke:

Fall Break!! Wheeeee!!

Oh, you magnificent bastard.

Tackiest. Podiums. Ever. Again.

10:45: Post mortem: Kerry made funny. That totally worked. I'm still really upset the President wasn't made to answer the questions straight up. He couldn't be any more aw-shucks if he stuck a grass stem in his mouth. Of course, the way he articulated some of his points, it couldn't have made it worse. Overall, another win for Kerry, though I'm disappointed that the meanest action we saw was the Sign Battle Royale behind the CNN desk.

10:36: Go vote here.

10:35: Poster in the background of the pundits: "Bush's policies do not equal Jesus' teachings". Awesome. Another poster: "Kerry Eats Babies." Okay.

10:34: OH MY GOD, I TOTALLY GET IT. Okay, you know how the last question was that fluffy one about the strong women in their lives? I bet Schieffer WAS going to ask about Big Oil. He said himself that the question occurred to him on the way to the debate site. Anyone want to lay odds the Halliburton goons got to him somehow?

10:33: Joan: "What effect do you think it would have on the election if Teresa Heinz Kerry and Laura Bush just started making out?"

10:32: Adam, on the Bush twins: "I can almost smell the vodka through the TV."

10:29: Bush: "As we encounter these ideologues of hate--"
Joan: "--we must hunt and kill them, with our armies of compassion."

10:28: During Bush's closing statement: Joan: "I can change, baby. Please take me back."

10:26: I can't believe they never got around to talking about Big Oil. Of course, if I were any of these moderators, I'd be terrified to bring it up.

10:25: Kerry: "We do have something in common. We married up." BURN!!

10:24: Bush: "I love the women around me."
Joan: "Except the ones that go to the abortion clinics."

10:21: Bush: "The most disappointing thing about Washington for me is--"
Holly: "--the barbecue!!"

10:20: Okay, the President just complimented Ted Kennedy because Kerry trotted out McCain. But he was slamming Kennedy not half an hour ago. And somewhere in there he mentioned working with Republicans in Congress. How's that for bipartisanship?

10:18: Bush: blah blah blah I love everybody.
Joan: "Yeah, you're really loving Iraq."
Holly: "Bush loves Iraq like Keith loved Dee's face with a frying pan."

10:10: Kerry: "I've been a law-enforcement officer. I've run one of the ten largest DA offices in the country."
Holly: "I've danced with the devil in the pale moonlight."
Joan: "Mony mony."

10:09: The President is indicating that a new assault-weapons ban would have no chance of getting out of Congress. Anyone got stats on this?

10:07: Bush: "I remember getting on a plane and talking to some soldiers..."
Holly: "Was that before or after you landed on an aircraft carrier in a flight suit and said "Mission accomplished"?
Joan: "This is just like when Teddy Roosevelt started parading around in a coonskin hat and a leather fringed vest."

10:04: Seriously, is Schieffer not empowered to press for an answer? Is he, in fact, allowed to ask it again but just trying to get through all 16 questions since it's the final debate? This is disturbing.

10:03: Say 'litmus test' again. SAY LITMUS TEST AGAIN. Good for Kerry for bringing up the $28 billion stat.

10:01: Schieffer should be pushing for this!! He asked Bush FLAT-OUT about Roe v. Wade and he fucking ducked it!! Kerry, of course, stepped up, looked straight at the camera, and said he would not appoint judges who'd overturn it. Are you convinced yet?

9:59: Kerry used the General's line about family values meaning valuing families. *sniff*

9:57: Is Kerry serious? Is Republican leadership in Congress STILL blocking votes on raising minimum wage? Not voting it down, but blocking the vote itself? Shay-dee.

9:54: Ok, this worker card thing the President's talking about doesn't sound like a bad idea.....I wonder what he's leaving out that makes it a cluster-fuck. Kerry's got a point, as well. If a worker program is all we have, it won't solve anything.

9:50: I can't believe how petulant Bush sounds.

9:44: Joan: "Bush isn't taking notes. He's drawing a bunny."
Holly: "He's tracing his hand to make a turkey."

9:42: I'm sorry, maybe I misheard Bush...."Our healthcare system is the envy of the world"??? I can HEAR Sweden laughing from here.

9:38: Bush: "Health care costs are on the rise because consumers aren't involved in the decision-making process." THE FUCK??

9:32: Bush: "I believe in quality of life for everyone."
Joan: "Unless you're gay."
Holly: "Or black."
Joan: "Or poor."
Holly: "Did you say gay already?"
Joan: "Yeah. Did you say black?"
Holly: "Yeah."

9:31: Joan: "So what I'm getting from this is, Kerry's not going to force his belief structure on the electorate, but Bush is?" Room at large: "Yeah, pretty much."

9:30: Kerry: "I can't legislate my faith onto others." THAT'S RIGHT.

9:28: By that same token, I CAN'T BELIEVE KERRY BROUGHT CHENEY'S DAUGHTER INTO THIS. Cheney's gonna have his ass killed. I hope they double Kerry's security detail.

9:27: I CAN'T BELIEVE HE BROUGHT THE AMENDMENT TALK.
Bush: "I'm worried about activist judges defining the institution of marriage."
Jeremy: "....because that's my job."

9:26: I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ASKED THAT QUESTION. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ASKED IF HOMOSEXUALITY IS A CHOICE.

9:25: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE bust him on "not telling people how to live their lives" during the gay marriage question. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

9:23: Joan: "Are we gonna get the gay marriage question? It'd be like Christmas. A Very Vitriolic Christmas."

9:20: "Being lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is like being lectured by Tony Soprano on law and order." Bwah! Ooh, Kerry's got local numbers. Sweet.

9:19: The corner of his mouth is all sparkly. The room ponders...Radio receiver? Drool? Coke? Lip gloss?

9:18: His solution to outsourcing is.....weeeeellll, let Joan paraphrase it. "I took away your job because you're stupid. Now go to community college. " No, seriously. That's what he said. Community. College.

9:17: Bush: "So-called tax on the rich"...??

9:13: Joan: "On Halloween, they should have a costume ball, and whoever has the best costume should get to be President. Kerry could dress as Thomas Jefferson, and Bush could dress as Barney Rubble."

9:11: Bush: "If you're young, don't take a flu shot."
THAT'S a solution??
Bush: "I'm not getting a flu shot."
Joan: "Good."
Holly: "Way to take one for the team, there, Mr. President."

9:09: Holly: "They should have a spelling bee."
Joan: "Mr. President, while that is the correct spelling of Kentucky, the word was Khrushchev."

9:07: Holly: "My opponent this, my opponent that. Oh, Bush, just say his name. When no one is around you, say Kerry, I love you."

9:05: "Ridding the Taliban out of Afghanistan?" Oh, Mr. President. You are as witty as folk hero Mark Twain, sir.

9:03: God, Kerry, enough with the unsecured cargo hold already.

9:02: Holly to Bob Schieffer: "I know Jim Lehrer. And you, sir, are no Jim Lehrer."

9:00: Those podiums are killing me. Again. Seriously, could they not find something statelier? Anyway.

The man, the myth, the monotone

My office. In Hell.

Yeah, did I forget to mention I'm directing another show? I did? Huh. Well, anyway

A: Caroline
B: RC
C: Sean
D: Doug B.
E: JP
F: Jess
G: Alexandria
H: Hunter
Techie: Genny
Jack: Big Evil
Nick: Larry
Shannon: Ashley-Paige
Jennifer: Sandy
The Director: Kali

Ten feet tall, bulletproof, and fucking funny.

Dammit, Betty, I don't give a damn about worms or old immigrant men or your painful skin condition! I love you! I need you! I ain't ever gonna leave you!

Laff Riot 13: Electric Laffaloo

It's Monday again, dearly beloved, and you know what that means - time to put the 'pro' back in 'inappropriate'.

All recent, all screamers (especially....well, see for yourself), all the time:

Oh, what a beautiful morning. Except not:
Nastinchka (08:31:07): its shower did not help as much as it hoped.
Nastinchka (08:31:11): it is merely wet and sleepy.
nicodemus055 (08:31:30): I don't know how to say wet in chinese.
Nastinchka (08:31:32): Which is funny, but not helpful.
nicodemus055 (08:31:41): Surely that's important.
nicodemus055 (08:31:48): I'm not sure I know how to say water
Nastinchka (08:31:55): Hrm. Get to that.
nicodemus055 (08:32:05): Shui.
nicodemus055 (08:32:15): Ah, I do know.
Nastinchka (08:32:25): *polite interest*
nicodemus055 (08:32:27): We learn rhymes and proverbs as a vocab base.
nicodemus055 (08:32:45): small tadpole, water in swim, tiny tail, big head.
nicodemus055 (08:32:54): I think it's neat.
Nastinchka (08:33:02): It is.
nicodemus055 (08:33:09): Though why we know the word for tadpole and not for wet confuses me.

Let's take a left into the surreal:
AIMLESSMAC (20:53:01): so what is new?
Nastinchka (20:53:22): Putting together my desk chair.
AIMLESSMAC (20:53:31): woo-hoo
AIMLESSMAC (21:32:28): kill the white man
AIMLESSMAC (21:33:59): maybe not
Auto response from Nastinchka (21:33:59): The call is coming from inside the house!!

nicodemus055 (03:50:28): Ok. Be a doll and point me in the right direction?
Nastinchka (03:50:31): You were asking if I had any advice and I was getting around to it, then you were all The Book Of Love According To Napoleon.

And another left into The Hell??:
KeiranOhara (01:35:08): assless chaps
Nastinchka (01:35:22): In the garage on the second try!! :-)
KeiranOhara (01:35:54): well pin a rose on your nose
Nastinchka (01:43:02): .....

Why we only date a certain brand of boys:
Nastinchka (18:37:44): BE FUNNY.
jangel139 (18:37:51): I can't do that on command!
jangel139 (18:37:58): ... hell, half the time, I can't even do it by accident.
jangel139 (18:38:20): I did pronounce "heinous" like "highness" today, though, and then hid in the cushions while Chris threw pillows at me and The Stupid.
Nastinchka (18:38:35): Bawwww.
jangel139 (18:39:33): He's never gonna let that one go.
jangel139 (18:39:39): I'd better start making fun of his grammar again.
Nastinchka (18:39:54): Yup.

LiviaHarlowe (9:56:03 PM): see thats the problem. i AM a really good writer. but this paper is extremely challenging to me in a way that i have never had to deal with before
stewball103183 (9:56:29 PM): then adapt evolve grow a longer snout/wings if you have to
Nastinchka (21:55:36): He's right, y'know.
Nastinchka (21:55:41): And you know how that makes me crazy.
LiviaHarlowe (21:57:10): stewball103183 (9:58:46 PM): now if only we attended hogwarts you could get a pen that writes...on flesh. then you could do it on someones back and it would write itself
LiviaHarlowe (21:57:10): stewball103183 (9:59:03 PM): say doug
LiviaHarlowe (21:57:10): stewball103183 (9:59:12 PM): hes got room
Nastinchka (21:57:40): He learns quickly.
LiviaHarlowe (22:01:00): thats not all he does quickly.
Nastinchka (22:01:16): No.
Nastinchka (22:01:21): No, it isn't.

And another:
Auto response from Nastinchka (12:19:26): "Family will be first, tonight: FIRST AGAINST THE WALL." - TWoP
jangel139 (12:19:26): You'll have to slide the stolen Coke machine over first, to make room.

Nastinchka (20:24:16): This conversation is not making me feel better like I hoped it would. Good day.
nicodemus055 (20:25:12): Thbbbt
Auto response from Nastinchka (20:25:12): I said good day.
nicodemus055 (20:25:18): Thbbbt.

Nastinchka (19:45:23): Hey, you haven't seen Casey in awhile, have you?
ShiftyEyedGuy (19:45:32): nope
Nastinchka (19:45:35): http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/09/24/beerbelly.bandit.ap/index.html
ShiftyEyedGuy (19:45:59): OMG.... LOL
Nastinchka (19:46:10): I know, right?
ShiftyEyedGuy (19:46:34): dat funny

jangel139 (20:25:01): My main college application essay includes the phrase "ten feet tall and bulletproof," as a necessary shout-out to you.
jangel139 (20:25:36): Because, obviously, these essay should be entirely about how much I can slide under the admission officers' noses.

Dear God, we've whelped another one:
Lyse Moo (16:06:59): Daddy!
Lyse Moo (16:07:06): Daddy!

(sp?) rides again:
keiranohara (23:57:44): you thare?
Nastinchka (00:37:52): What's up?
keiranohara (00:38:51): no to much, needed to know how to spell tiara

De Armac (03:32:02): ah. i remember seeing a dirty vending machine that advertised "make her a screamer, not a moaner."
Auto response from Nastinchka (03:32:03): Joan: "What do you think Ikard would do if we had sex during his class?"
Travis: "That depends. Are you a screamer?"

nicodemus055 (23:28:34): I don't like the word 'shift'. It sounds like I work at McDonalds.
Nastinchka (23:28:53): What would you rather call it?
nicodemus055 (23:28:54): Tehe... A McDonalds with a $1 billion synchrotron.
Nastinchka (23:28:59): I was gonna say.

I'm not sure this means what I think it means:
Allais500 (21:05:57): Just so's you know, we ended up with a big keg of pabst, and a little keg of killians, in case it has any effect on your decision. I haven't checked it today....
Nastinchka (21:06:06): Awesome.
Nastinchka (21:06:21): Yeah, that seems to be swaying me westward. Funny how that works.
Nastinchka (21:06:31): Like I'm a beer plumb.

And finally we have this little gem, which, by all accounts, blows the Penis Brittle Episode and That Time I Glued My Hand To My Laptop pretty well off the map in the race for Best. Snark. Ever:
nicodemus055 (12:20:47): EWW.
Nastinchka (12:20:51): ??
nicodemus055 (12:20:54): Have you seen the new nickels?
Nastinchka (12:20:58): I KNOW.
Nastinchka (12:20:59): GOD.
Nastinchka (12:21:07): Yucky.
nicodemus055 (12:21:08): THE EYES
nicodemus055 (12:21:15): THEY PIERCE MY SOUL
nicodemus055 (12:21:22): MERCY, OH GREAT JEFFERSON
Nastinchka (12:21:43): UNCLE, FATHER OF DEMOCRACY.
Nastinchka (12:21:57): THOSE DEAD STARING EYES
Nastinchka (12:22:01): LIKE A DOLL'S EYES
nicodemus055 (12:22:06): SCRIBE OF INDEPENDENCE
Nastinchka (12:22:24): "The 2005 nickel designs follow Thomas Jefferson's vision to explore the great West," AND YOUR CHEST CAVITY.
nicodemus055 (12:22:27): It's like fucking telltale heart.
nicodemus055 (12:22:38): Only without proper capitalization.
nicodemus055 (12:23:01): And no lantern.
Nastinchka (12:23:05): I was gonna say.

groovy sexy hell panic

HOME SWEET HOME TO ME

GEORGIA 14

TENNESSEE 19

And if you give a damn

It's two-thirty in the morning and I'm drunker than is strictly reasonable, and what am I doing? Curled up in my desk chair, on a three-way call with New York and San Francisco, dissecting the debate. The farther this goes, the more loaded it gets, the harder I find it to relate to people who don't care. How can you not think this is important? How can you stand still? How can you stay silent? I don't have time for that kind of person. Not anymore. Get involved, or sit back and take the consequences, in more ways than one. *head shake* Look at me. I set out to make a drunk post, and it comes out like this. I guess that's a serious statement of some kind. No apologies for the evangelism. This is the most important event of our short lifetimes. Take me, baby, or leave me.

Don't stop now

Strategery

Hey, little monsters -

The DNC has added a couple polls to frequent after the debate tonight. There's the complete list. Go nuts:

• ABC
• CBS
• CNN
• FOX
• MSNBC
• Wall Street Journal
• Akron Beacon-Journal
• Atlanta Journal-Constitution
• Detroit News
• Los Angeles Times
• Minneapolis-St. Paul Star-Tribune
• Orlando Sentinel
• Philadelphia Inquirer
• South Florida Sun-Sentinel

John Kerry Looks French

Pandemic

Way too much going on to do more than bullet points, but off the top of my head:

• Gwen was a lot pointier than Jim "Destroyer of Worlds" Lehrer. Atta girl.
• Dug the HELL out of those side-by-side shots.
• If I knew nothing about American politics, I would take one look at Tucker Carlson and say, "Fuck the right".
• I knew from my time in NH that Edwards was a nice guy, but god-DAMN, he's a biscuit!!
• Holly: "Cheney's been dead for seven years. It's all done with mirrors and a stick."
  Joan: "And a piece of white bread."
• Holly: "For someone who's got bin Laden tied up in his basement, Cheney's awfully cranky."
• I wish there was a debate within driving distance. I would be the one in the audience standing up and yelling, "Don' hate!! don' hate!!"
• 25 minutes in and Edwards had already called Cheney a liar, dropped the H(alliburton)-bomb, and trotted out John McCain. He is my sunshine, my only sunshine.
• THANK GOD. "What's wrong with a little flip-flop now and then?" I love you, Gwen. Consistency isn't a virtue if you're consistently wrong.
• Kerry and Edwards have both talked about playing not only strong, but smart. Right fucking on.
• Here's the thing. I have real trouble believing that Cheney's a good guy. Bush could conceivably be dumb enough to not know where he's leading us, but I see real, mean intelligence in Cheney's eyes, and that's what terrifies me.
• I'm so excited that it took me twenty minutes to type this tiny entry. How lucky are we to live through something like this? Now, go read what everyone else is saying - "from the left, from the right, and from the funny" - and get informed. Get involved. Get interested. Get in the game, or perish.

Vote or Die. No, seriously.

Laff Riot 12: The Return

Without preamble or apology.....well, almost:

When we last saw our heroes:
Nastinchka: On a funnier note:
Nastinchka: I was driving to work
Nastinchka: ANd outside the NUclear Safety COmmission building
Nastinchka: Were three clowns standing by a pickup truck.
Nastinchka: No lies.
ShiftyEyedGuy: lol
ShiftyEyedGuy: LOL
Nastinchka: I mean, we're talking wigs, full makeup, shoes, everything.I almost ran off the road.
ShiftyEyedGuy: "you can't say nuclear, that really scares me...."

When we last saw our heroes, that other time:
nicodemus055: Is he SOBBING?
Nastinchka: I'm SO irritated.
Nastinchka: I think so.
Nastinchka: What a jackass. I'm not sure what I said yesterday thatled him to believe I'm hurt, when I was handing his ass to him on aplatter.
Nastinchka: I just told him I was taking steps to cut the dead weightsout of my life.
nicodemus055: Lol
nicodemus055: Awesome
Nastinchka: *preens*
Nastinchka: I'm very pretty.
nicodemus055: Especially when your evil is showing.
Nastinchka: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

If you don't think this is funny, consider the source. Then, say it with me: BURN!! That's my girl:
Auto response from Nastinchka: Ellos me quieren mirar
Pero si tu no los dejas
Pero si tu no los dejas
Ni siquiera parpadear.
Si por pobre me desprecias
Yo te concedo razon
Yo te concedo razon
Si por pobre me desprecias.
Yo no te ofrezco riquezas
Te ofrezco mi corazon
Te ofrezco mi corazon
A cambio de mi pobreza.
Malaguena salerosa
Besar tus labios quisiera
Besar tus labios quisiera.
Malaguena salerosa
Y decirte nina hermosa.
jangel139: yeah yeah yeah, you're like deca-lingual, we're all so proud. I speak good ol' English. And I ain't got a clue what that says.

Oh, Sam:
Nastinchka: But I'm apparently his peer mentor (I just found this out,like, half an hour ago), and I need to track his ass down and get tomentoring.
ShiftyEyedGuy: lol
Nastinchka: Seriously, they JUST told me.
ShiftyEyedGuy: that's helpful

The joke that Will Not Die:
jangel139: Roo!
jangel139: or, gosh, I didn't see you there, I was too busy doing aline of coke off the computer table.

MyLostCause (01:04:56): Holly?
Nastinchka (01:05:18): ....depends.
Nastinchka (01:05:37): Who are you, and why do you have an Ashlee Simpson icon?

BlueVarekai (01:23:59): me and leon are back in town. why have we not been welcomed back with open arms and much drinking?
BlueVarekai (01:24:02): SELFISH
Nastinchka (01:24:17): Because I told Leon to call us when he got in town and he never did.
Nastinchka (01:24:31): Find your own arms. :-P

Nastinchka: Also, I found a tiki-themed shower curtain and JOan made me buy it.
ShiftyEyedGuy: lol
Nastinchka: She's enabling my bamboo fetish.
Nastinchka: And my neoprene fetish.
ShiftyEyedGuy: wow

Beep beep, Spawn:
KeiranOHara (10:50:51 AM): one word: exspuntged
jangel139 (10:51:28 AM): One word and a few extraneous letters, is that what you meant?

De Armac (23:26:54): harlowe/moran: we never promised you a rose garden. okay, we did, but the countless thorns were unmentioned.
LiviaHarlowe (23:27:13): harlowe/moran: also, we never said the roses wouldn't be fertilized with your flesh.

nicodemus055 (13:37:38): It has a plan.
nicodemus055 (13:37:47): It is thinking about going to Hong Kong for a year.
Nastinchka (13:43:31): Whyfor?
Nastinchka (13:43:38): Whenfor?
nicodemus055 (13:43:49): After junior year.
Nastinchka (13:43:58): Okay.
nicodemus055 (13:44:01): 3 of the top 10 Asian universities are in Hong Kong.
nicodemus055 (13:44:08): Thbbt. Just thought I'd share.
Nastinchka (13:44:09): Cool.
Nastinchka (13:44:36): Nick, I *just* woke up. Gimme a minute to grab my pom-poms and I'll be all over your going to Hong Kong.
nicodemus055 (13:45:17): Sorry. I was excited and wanted someone else to be excited with me. I shall wait until you can find your pom-poms.
Nastinchka (13:45:15): WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nastinchka (13:45:18): There.

Allais500 (15:54:13): I'm trying to come up with something to say that will make me sound like a drunk, since all my other posted snarks are as such.
Auto response from Nastinchka (15:54:13): Roses are red
Violets are blue
All my base
Are belong to you
Allais500 (15:54:25): Can't be a conincidence.
Allais500 (15:54:38): Can't spell Coincidence.

Nastinchka: Evacuate the princicpals!!
Nastinchka: OMG
ShiftyEyedGuy: SWARM!!
Nastinchka: ACT: Evacuate the Principles.
Nastinchka: Get it?
Nastinchka: Get it?
ShiftyEyedGuy: i get it
Nastinchka: *pets self*
ShiftyEyedGuy: god

Nastinchka (13:21:54): It's ***. I'd give a kidney to work for him. ;-)
CrazyRed1984 (13:22:08): hehe
CrazyRed1984 (13:22:42): you do have two for a reason
Nastinchka (13:22:59): That's what I'm saying!!

Re Caesar's guestbook:
Nastinchka (13:50:40): Y'know, I clicked over to your site this morning, and I was still sleepy, and I was reading the guestbook, and it's like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show are in there, only they're Brazilian chicks.

LiviaHarlowe (16:57:08): joan and greg on planning this year's night of no good: BlueVarekai (4:56:18 PM): indeed. this time, we'll just take down the invaders with a roll of quarters
BlueVarekai (4:56:22 PM): or, you know, a donut
LiviaHarlowe (4:56:40 PM): or a pink sequined taser.

Meta-meta-Snarkery:
KeiranOHara (17:31:39): hands down, this one is the best of the batch
KeiranOHara (17:31:41): Allais500 (14:11:08): I've been told I watched Starsky and Hutch last night, but I don't remember much because of the drunk...did I like it?
Nastinchka (14:11:30): .....you know I wasn't there, right?
KeiranOHara (17:31:56): because it sums up an entire summer
Nastinchka (17:31:59): Yeah.

Nastinchka (01:25:26): Will you tell me more about it tomorrow?
nicodemus055 (01:25:44): Yes, but I'll probably forget unless you remind me.
Nastinchka (01:26:00): Fear not. i'm good at that.
Nastinchka (01:26:09): Take your cheap shot and we'll say good night for real.
nicodemus055 (01:26:10): K. Tomorrow.
nicodemus055 (01:26:36): Nope. I tomorrowed you without taking the shot.
Nastinchka (01:26:54): That's the nicest thing anyone's done for me today. Night again.
nicodemus055 (01:26:59): Oh, how 'bout dem Yankees?
Nastinchka (01:27:03): GOD.
Nastinchka (01:27:14): *bolts for blankie*
nicodemus055 (01:27:15): G'night

stewball103183: some of them might make you go blind so dont get mad at me if your optic nerves cant take it, youve been warned
LiviaHarlowe: i imagine that you say the same thing to danny at night, except instead of "optic nerve" you say "gag reflex"

Not that long, as it turned out:
Nastinchka: GOT ANY coke??????????????????????
Nastinchka: *flaps arms*
kaitlinwithani: yeah... im coked out of my mind...
kaitlinwithani: *has seizure*
Nastinchka: ME TOO
Nastinchka: I COKED MY FACE OFF MY FACE
Nastinchka: *wipes tear* this is going to be a Great Year.
kaitlinwithani: you know one rash spelling gesture and you could be ahooker... who likes cock
Nastinchka: ROTFL
Nastinchka: I'll keep that in mind.
Nastinchka: What little of my mind is left, with all this COKE.
kaitlinwithani: i know i always do
kaitlinwithani: *snorts*
kaitlinwithani: *sniffle sniffle* much better
Nastinchka: *nosebleed*
kaitlinwithani: thats what makes the habit hott
Nastinchka: Must go....places to go , drugs to buy
Nastinchka: I wonder how long it'll be before we find out if they logthese conversations.

Vintage:
Nastinchka: G'night, muffin ;-)
nicodemus055: No
nicodemus055: Only I'm allowed to say that
nicodemus055: Double standard.
Nastinchka: I started!!
nicodemus055: Ok... Universal muffin disarmament.
nicodemus055: Endearment armistice

ShiftyEyedGuy: *thud*
Nastinchka: *dusts off hands*
ShiftyEyedGuy: *takes off bullet proof vest*
ShiftyEyedGuy: *reveals vest underneath*
Nastinchka: *unlatches dinosaur cage*
ShiftyEyedGuy: *cowers*
Nastinchka: *flinches at sequins but maintains front sight*
ShiftyEyedGuy: lol

Nastinchka: I'm signing off now because you're a BASTARD PERSON.
nicodemus055: YOu are not.
Nastinchka signed off at 1:31:31 PM.
Previous message was not received by Nastinchka because of error: User Nastinchka is not available.
Nastinchka signed on at 1:32:12 PM.
Nastinchka: See?
Nicodemus055: God.

And though that one Christmas things got out of hand, I'm still rather fond of that skeleton man.

Chroma Noir

[while watching Last Crusade]
Joan: "River Phoenix! Must be nice..."
Holly: "Must be nice to die on the Viper Room sidewalk in a pool of your own blood?"
Joan: "Whatever. Bone structure doesn't change when you're dead."

"I have pulled the eyes out of my stuffed tiger." - Lauren, after we lost to Auburn.

Joan: "I'm not playing any game called dead ant!"

Holly: "I would call my Apprentice team MantiCorp."

[during the debate]
Holly, hissing: "If he says nukular one more time....."
Stewart: "Or multi-pronged..." [staring through fingers]

Joan: "That's not the only pearl necklace he's given me, but it's the only one that won't wash away."

Holly: "You're like a mental metro."
Big Evil: "I'm a tunnel under the city with a train in it?.......OH!!!"

Joan: "Wait until you see my daughter. She's thirteen. Forever."

Holly: "Entitlement smells like peppermint."

[right after Joan sprained her ankle]
Holly: "That's the saddest thing I've ever seen. A bologna sandwich in one hand and crutches in the other."
Joan: "Yeah, I'm the New Deal."

Zack: "[Patricia Clarkson and that midget from The Station Agent] should start a fight club."
Holly: "I want you to bite me on the knecap as hard as you can."

Also, I may have said several catty things about Barbara Bush's relationship with Pakistan.

It's canon.

Clavicle

I could say it better than I did last year, but I'm too busy revelling in it:

"Come back and save the night!"

It's October. October makes me high. Bradbury and smoke and leaves and sunsets and lots of stars. In spite of everything. October's mine.

Ten feet tall and bulletproof-
H

And so will you.