Rice thing?

Oh, HOW have you not heard about this? She's got this THING that looks like a leg warmer filled with dry rice; she heats it up in the microwave and puts it around her problem ankle at the end of a long day...and for reasons not for me to know, INSISTS on referring to it as "Baby".

Wow, lots of cabal convos I've missed.

*takes hint slinks away*

Yes, how DARE Janie and I detail our darkest stadium sex fantasies and post them for all to enjoy. How noninclusive and unfeeling of us.

You know what that post is suspiciously lacking? A PICTURE OF A TERRAPIN RIDING A BUFFALO AMONGST HEAVENLY CLOUDS. You have until 5. If you choose to ignore this demand, you will be Carved, and not by the sexy plastic surgeon with no junk, but by me, wearing a clown mask and a Crab People costume. And then I will insert a piece of baklava into the carve wound on your face. You know why.

...you know that me having a dream about stealing your baklava to feed to Leroy and actually taking it are not the same thing, right?

I'm just saying that the case is still open. It's an unsolved mystery. SOMEONE ate that baklava. What I actually think happened is that you and Jay performed that ritual from Life Size where Lindsay Lohan brings Tyra Banks as Barbie to life using spells from the Book of the Dead, only you did it on Leroy, and he was too much for you to control, and he went on a baklava rampage.

I'd steal your baklava with a quickness and I make no apologies for that.

Baby, I don't think "baklava" means what you think it means. But hear me: If you ever laid a hand on Joan's pastries (not a euphemism), you would draw back a bloody stump of an arm. She's vicious when cornered.

And when not cornered. Unless you're an ineffective running back, tenor-singing drunken circus bear, or reclusive millionaire with a heart of ice, in which case, haaaaaay!! (eyes batting)